Mortal Kombat

The eternal struggle between Steve Jobs and Bill Gates continues:



"It's like baby music!"

"What's that?"
"It's an I-house."
"But there's no windows…"
"Exactly! [Diabolical laughter]"

"Prepare to meet your programmer!"

"Commodore 64?!"
"He's the number 1 selling computer of the 80s!"

"Bill, I'm sorry for making fun of nerds."
"That's OK, Steve. I'm sorry for being such a wiener…"


Today's Uncyclopedia featured articles: Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.

Tankman Begins

Watch this funny parody of Batman Begins for the introduction to the 2005 MTV Movie Awards ceremony, hosted by Jimmy Fallon:



Curse you, tank man!

The guy who played Batman is John Heder, aka Napoleon Dynamite.

Here's another parody that Fallon made on basis of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith:



I'm very good at backflips!

The Frogfather

I want to show you a Muppet parody of The Godfather, but first you should watch the following two scenes to understand the spoof. The first one is the opening scene, with undertaker Bonasera talking to Don Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando) to ask for "justice" because two thugs attacked his daughter. (Notice Bonasera's combover.)

I believe in America --> One of the best opening lines in the movie history.

That I cannot do. --> My foot!

Bonasera. Bonasera. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectful?

Be my friend? … Godfather? --> I think he shit his pants…

Second scene: Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) has to go and kill Captain McCluskey, a corrupt policeman, in a restaurant:



And now, the Frogfather:



Maybe we should ask Statler and Waldorf (I mean the original ones) to comment on that:



A pot-pourri of some of the many comments they made during The Muppet Show:



A last word:

Tribute to Jek Porkins

In Star Wars even characters that only appear a few seconds in a movie have a fully developed background in the Expanded Universe and often have adamant fans who worship them. This is the case of Jek Porkins, a pilot of the Red Squadron attacking the Death Star in Episode IV. Here's one of his two scenes (the first being him just saying "Red six"):



Despite his death, Porkins got somewhat elevated to the status of a legendary hero who died on the (space) battlefield. Some nerds suggested that Lucas hid the reason why Porkins exploded:



I can hold it!

Another version of his death is the following:



Jek Porkins was portrayed by the late William Hootkins, who also played "Lt. Max Eckhardt in Batman (1989), and Major Eaton, one of the army intelligence men appearing at the beginning and the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark", as stated on Wikipedia.

Porkins flies a starfighter (i.e. a spacecraft) named X-wing in the Star Wars universe. In 2007, the San Diego Tripoli Rocket Association built and launched a 23-foot-long X-wing model propelled by four rockets. Then, what if Porkins climbed in that X-wing fighter?



No, wait, here's what really happened:



That black starfighter is called "TIE fighter".

My little hobbit…

I think Waldorf is going to like this parody video from the 2002 MTV Movie Awards ceremony:



BOROMIR: "It is a gift!"
JACK BLACK "You're damn right it's a gift. It's called Prince Albert and it's… my precious!"
SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR "So, you're telling us that you took the fabled Ring of Sauron, the One Ring that could destroy all of Middle-earth and attached it to your… your little Hobbit there?"

Caveman

In 1977 Star Wars mesmerised millions of viewers thanks to revolutionary, stunning special effects. Three years later The Empire Strikes Back was released, featuring even more spectacular shots, creating an even better illusion of a space odyssey — most notably with the Asteroid field scene. Just one year later, cinema travelled back in time until prehistory:



Caveman was born! Basically Ringo Starr (click that link to see a picture of how he looks like now—that's quite a change) didn't know what to do and decided to play in one of the silliest films ever. He's joined in his wreck, no, adventure, by Dennis Quaid, Shelley Long and Barbara Bach (Starr's current wife). Starr plays a cavemen who discovers a lot of things: "drugs, fire, cooking, music, and learn how to walk fully upright" according to Wikipedia. (I admit it's been a long time since the last time I watched this movie…) Let's watch the scene where they discover music:



And now: Geriatric Park!



(Music by Lalo Schifrin.)

From the balcony

A guy found another interesting parallel between Star Wars and real life. Watch this scene from the end of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones:



Real-life events (with a bit of editing, but still):



I told you there was something fishy with this guy!

"All's well that ends well"

Alternate endings are a great way of showing how a given story could have been. Storylines like Star Wars could have ended in a wide variety of ways, as you may recall from a series of previous posts. For instance, what if Luke, the hero, didn't manage to grip the antenna when he fell in the shaft on Bespin?



ROTFLOL is the word that sums up my reaction.

Then, what if Luke didn't manage to blow the Death Star and Vader shot him instead?



And… what if Darth Vader felt remorse after killing Luke Skywalker and all of a sudden decided to turn against the Empire? It would give something like this:



What if Yoda was less powerful than he thought?



[Swat!]
Oh, nooo!

What if Anakin underestimated his own powers?



What if everything that has transpired has done so according to the Emperor's design?



Brilliant!

PS. Don't forget to wish a happy birthday to Ellen!

Happy Easter (eggs)!

Let me show you a silly picture that my mother sent me a couple of days ago:



I'm sure I mentioned the so-called "Easter eggs" a few times in the past. Let's see what we can find about them on YouTube, then! A first video:



http://www.eeggs.com/

So, Easter eggs are not only hidden in movies and DVDs, but also in computer games and even on the Internet:



These were amazing tips; I particularily liked the Atinlay Igpay ability. And if you want to play a small game, click here.

Pulp Fiction

Quentin Tarentino's Pulp Fiction is for many (including myself) a terrific cult movie. Usually, I like movies that feature a normal, chronological structure, but this one is an exception. Indeed, Tarentino's editing makes it possible to take an uncommon approach on a storyline (a "postmodern nonlinear" one, as I read on Wikipedia), but it works pretty well. Besides, most of the lines are great, and so are the actors: John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth and Christopher Walken. For the plot, I refer you to the Wikipedia summary.

This movie contains a lot of famous scenes, like that of the hamburger (the first video) and Samuel L. Jackson's biblical pronouncement:





"Royale with cheese. You know what they call it that?"
"Er… because of the metric system?"

"Oh, I'm sorry… Did I break your concentration?"

Later in the film, we see a good reason not to use guns:



A fucking short version is available, if you like, and someone made an attempt to summarize the movie to 30 minutes and edit it in order to make it chronological. You tell me if it's better or not.

The Nostalgia Critic speaks the truth

The Nostalgia Critic (aka thatguywiththeglasses) analyses Space Jam:



(…) little assistant played by Wayne Knight, who—I was surprised to find out—is not a cartoon character.

When I think of space jam, I think of that stuff they used inSpaceballs to blackout the radar.

They just beat the shit out of Granny! They actually tackled, punched and kicked an innocent old lady who never hurt anyone in her life! … Can I see it again? [BAM!] One more time. [BAM!] Oh my god, I could watch that for ever… [BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!] But unfortunaltely, the movie continues…

GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS!

I have to re-watch this movie someday…

UHF

"Weird Al" Yankovic is not only a talented singer, but also an actor. He starred in UHF, a movie spoofing a lot of movies. Watch the introduction, a parody of the beginning of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark:



Weird Al also makes fun of Rambo to the extreme:



I'm your worst nightmare.

I'd like to own the same fake chest suit he wears… Notice the typical two dice hanging in the cockpit of the copter…

Gandhi gets a special treat as well:

Madonna meets Weird Al

Two of the most popular American singers meet at last!



"Have you ever been performing on stage and gotten a very bad wedgie?"
"It hurts!"
"Yeah, I imagine so. Is it hard work changing your hair colour every three hours?"
"Exhausting. I can't tell you."


"Tell us a little bit about your new album."
"It's pretty boring, actually."


"Surely you must think someone is sexier… Mel Gibson?
"No."
"George Clooney? Antonio Banderas?"
"Absolutely not."
"Dick Van Patten?" (ROTFLOL)
"No way."


"Do I turn you on?"
"Definitely!"

Plan langues (3)

Just a sketch by the The Monty Python (in Monty Python's Flying Circus) that I find really funny:



"Was ist das Wort für Mittelschmerz?"

"He shouldn't be saying that: we haven't done comparatives yet!"

Le retour de Les Nuls

It has been quite a while since the last time I mentioned Les Nuls, a group of three (of four, when Bruno Carette was still alive), so I thought it was high time I posted some videos. Take for instance this compilation of so-called news about Régis, the perfect idiot:



I also like this fake advertisement:



And a song from La Cité de la peur (1994), a film I'd like to discuss in the near future if I have time:



La Carioca is performed by Alain Chabat and Gérard Darmon.

Just Google

Just like Weird Al Yankovic turned Michael Jackson's Beat It into Eat It,



How to milk a cow, how to cut your own hair…

The picture of the guy that you see when it doesn't play or at the middle of it shows a guy with a mullet, which can simply be defined as on the Wikipedia entry:

"[A] hairstyle that is short in the front, top, and sides, but long in the back."

I think I've already posted this video that I shot myself while watching TV. It features Belgian singer Miam Monster Miam talking about mullets (or 'mitchellis', as we call them in Liège):



I even retrieved the page where he borrowed the pictures: it's just a click away. I recommend you to to take a look on MulletGallore.com: you can find hundreds of pictures featuring people with a mullet.

Today's Uncyclopedia featured articles: the mullet, but also Mr. Clean (a fierce opponent to the mullet…).

Bruce Willis as Mr. Clean in Mr. Clean: The Motion Picture.

Spiderman… Spiderman… (famous tune)

"Weird Al" Yankovic wrote a song about many's favourite superhero: Spiderman. His song is called (how surprising!): Ode to a Superhero



Lyrics:

Peter Parker was pitiful
Couldn't have been any shyer
Mary Jane still wouldn't notice him
Even if his hair was on fire

But then one day he went to that science lab
That mutated spider came down
Oh, and now Peter crawls over everyone's walls
And he's swingin' all over town

La li la, li de da
La la, li le la da dum

Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
'Cause we're all in the mood for a hero now
And there's evil doers to fight

Now Harry the rich kid's a friend of his
Who horns in on Mary Jane
But to his great surprise it seems she prefers guys
Who can kiss upside down in the rain

"With great power comes great responsibility"
That's the catch phrase of old Uncle Ben
If you missed it, don't worry, they'll say the line
Again and again and again

Oh, la la la, di de da
La la, di di da da dom

Now Norman's a billionare scientist
Who never had time for his son
But then something went screw and before you knew he
Was trying to kill everyone

And he's ridin' around on that glider thing
And he's throwin' that weird pumpkin bomb
Yes, he's wearin' that dumb Power Rangers mask
But he's scarier without it on

Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
'Cause you're brave and you're strong and so limber now
But where'd you come up with those tights?

It's a pretty sad day at the funeral
Norman Osborn has bitten the dust
And I heard Harry's said he wants Spider-Man dead
Aw, but his buddy Pete he can trust

Oh, and M.J. is all hot for Peter now
Aw, but Peter, he just shuts her down
Mary Jane, don't you cry, you can give it a try
Again when the sequal comes 'round

Oh, la la la, di de da
La la, di di da da dum

Sling us a web, you're the Spider-Man
Sling us a web tonight
'Cause we all sure could use us a hero now
And we think that you'll do all right

And an alternate ending to conclude with:



Magneto (Sir Ian McKellen) apparently doesn't like Spiderman… Neither does Batman:

A car that's cheaper than walking…

Jeremy Clarkson was the only one who could make us aware of the existence of such a peculiar car, the P50:



It did 100 miles to the gallon: that's even better that my moped!

Note (from Wikipedia):

Clarkson incorrectly stated that the tiny P50 is subject to the London congestion charge, unlike the much larger Lexus RX vehicle used as a camera platform, which qualifies for exemption from the charge on the grounds of its petrol-electric hybrid powerplant.^[Reference] In fact the P50 also qualifies for exemption, under a provision allowing three-wheeled vehicles of less than 100 cm (39.4 in) width and 200 cm (78.7 in) length to enter the Congestion Charge Zone without charge.^[Reference]

Jeremy Clarkson also tested the more expensive car I mentioned yesterday: the Audi R8:



Today's featured Uncyclopedia article: Crapmobile.

"Hello, Mr Horse" (David Walliams as Lou Todd, in Little Britain season 2)

Audi came up with a terrific commercial for its new R8:



This was a perfect example of a commercial that will never work with most people, because it's a reference to Coppola's Godfather. Maybe it would be interesting to situate the scene first: Johnny Fontane came to his godfather, Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando) because he needed his help: Jack Woltz, an influent Hollywood producer, turned him down for playing the main part he wanted in a new movie. Johnny is a bit desperate:



So, Don Vito sends his consiglieri Tom Hagen (Robert Duvall) to Jack Woltz in order to make him an offer he can't refuse… But Jack Woltz still refuses to take Johnny Fontane for the role—in fact because Johnny slept with one of his mistresses. Tom has no other option than to take the hard way:



The spoofed scene in the commercial is thus Jack Woltz finding the head of his valuable racehorse Khartoum when he wakes up!

P.S. Note that the character of Johnny Fontane presents uncanny resemblances to Frank Sinatra's career, who was "mysteriously" helped…


Today's featured Uncyclopedia article: The Godfather, of course!

The film is widely accepted as the greatest film in cinema history, voted number one on most internet websites like Fresh-Tomatos.com and the IMDB. However, it is also the subject of great controversy. Ever since the films release, mass cults have formed. Often, people claimed The Godfather's Vito Corleone was made in the image of Jesus Christ. Evidence for this claim comes from the characters title:

God = Shows the religous side of Vito.

Father = Shows that his father is God.

Putting both words together gets the title "Godfather." Some people continue to believe he has the title because it sounds cool.

The film also arose the disease known as MCD (Marble Cheeks Disease). This disease is caught from when people try to be like Marlon Brando and put marbles in there mouth, only what they fail to realise is that this can lead to a very serious disease, depending on how clean the marbles are. People who still want to pretend to be Marlon Brando have to make sure they sterilise their marbles with bleech before putting them in there mouths.

Brilliant!

Presidents can be funny sometimes

If you don't believe me, watch this:



Same principle, but applied to Vladimir Putin:



Sarkozy has had one too many as well:



Note that, as opposed to his two homologues, Sarkozy's speech hasn't been slowed down at all!

I also found this video featuring a song by Carla Bruni, with pictures brilliantly spoofing on the lyrics:



PS. Don't forget some of the hyperlinks if you want to read the Uncyclopedia entries about those people.

Movie posters

The official poster for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has just been released, so have a look at this great piece of artwork by Drew Struzan—who also made the Star Wars posters, but also those for Harry Potter and the Back to the Future trilogy, among others.


(This picture was retrieved on TheRaider.net.)

By the way, a Frenchman compared the French and the American trailer of the movie, and noticed a dozen of differences due to the censorship of the MPAA. Unbelievable and outrageous! "Big Brother is watching you", it seems. Just a bunch of hypocrits.

Indiana Jones 4 : Comparaison des teasers
envoyé par Rialeb

Talking about movie posters, here are two parodies that I found on Uncyclopedia (where else?):

This one is a spoof on the Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones poster. The following replaces, respectively, Leonardo DiCaprio by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Tom Hanks by George Bush, a parody of Spielberg's Catch Me If You Can.

"I'm a very good driver"

Jeremy Clarkson doesn't like crappy cars:



Consider the worst cars you've considered to buy: [Volvo, Yugo, Mazda, Lada, Hunday]

(…) made with the care of a third-world plumbing system and it was more aerodynamic going backwards. This was the worst model of them all: the Vanden Plas.

That one takes the biscuit!

PS. Ignorants should note that the title is a quote from Rain Man, starring Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise. Here's the brilliant five second version of the movie, made – of course – by thatguywiththeglasses:



SHUT UP!

79 golden awards

The 80th Academy Awards Ceremony took place a week ago, and now it's time to watch a four-minute summary showing the 79 films that were awarded the Oscar® for the Best Picture before the 80th (No Country for Old Men):



For an exhaustive list, I refer you to the Wikipedia entry.

Food Wars

If you wonder which country is hidden behind each kind of food, you might be interested in checking this list. I guess it was quite pretty obvious with the pretzels and the bratwurst!

Here are the famous battles that are re-enacted:

1. The World
2. WWII: Holocaust; French surrender; London Bombing; Pearl Harbor; Battle of Midway; D-day; fall of Berlin; Hiroshima
3. Arab-Israeli War: Brits leave Israel; Israel expands territory
4. Korean War: China and Russia back the North; the US back the South
5. Cuban Missile Crisis
6. Viet Nam: China and Russia back the North; the US back the South
7. Cold War: Arms race
8. Intifada
9. Gulf War: Iraq invades Kuwait, Scuds, smart bomb
10. 9/11
11. Afghanistan
12. Gulf War II: Shock and awe; IED
13. Bug Food

PS. This was my 400th post!

The Importance of Being Ernest

Here's a scene from the beginning Ernest Goes to Camp (starring Jim Varney). This made me laugh a lot when I was a kid (because I grew up while watching silly American movies) and it still does now.



The toilet scene is prototypically American, I think, but it makes everybody laugh.

Uncyclopedia featured article: Oscar Wilde.

Extra fun

Ricky Gervais and his fellow comedians from Extras made a Christmas special episode. Guest stars include: Clive Owen, David Tennant, Lionel Blair, Lisa Scott-Lee, Hale and Pace, Gordon Ramsay, George Michael and Barry from EastEnders. (Source: Wikipedia.)



Apparently, this episode was designed to be the conclusion of the series, just like what they did with The Office.

Talking about George Michael, he also made an appearance in an extra Little Britain episode to raise money for Comic Relief:

Nobody f*cks with Jeremy Clarkson

Today's blog post is dedicated to Waldorf (aka Martin), for he sent me a couple of videos, one of which is the destruction of a Corvette by John Goodman, a terrific scene coming from The Big Lebowski:



Apparently, this is the Corvette time of the year, because there's also a blog entry on such cars on germ@namur. In the comments, I suggested everyone who's interested in Corvettes to take a look on an Uncyclopedia article: How to Crash Your Father's New Corvette? Jeremy Clarkson, too, has something against Corvettes:




Waldorf particularily liked the character of Jesus Quintana, played by John Turturro:



"I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger till it goes click!"
"Jesus!"
"You said it, man: nobody fucks with the Jesus!"

Jack Nicholson approves this blog entry

This blog entry is dedicated to Ellen, because I know she's a supporter of Hillary Clinton.

Several days ago, Jack Nicholson officially gave his support to Hillary during a TV commercial for her presidential campaign.



It uses fragments of scenes taken from Batman, The Shining, A Few Good Men and Chinatown.

My favourite YouTuber, thatguywiththeglasses, came up with a witty parody of this ad:

Scared Stupid

In the 1980s and the early 1990s, the American actor Jim Varney (1949-2000) played the slapstick role of Ernest P. Worrel in a series of movies:

• Ernest Goes to Camp (1987)
• Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
• Ernest Goes to Jail (1990) (#1 Box Office movie its opening week end with $17 million in ticket sales)
• Ernest Scared Stupid (1991)
• Ernest Rides Again (1993)
• Ernest Goes to School (1994)
• Slam Dunk Ernest (1995)
• Ernest Goes to Africa (1997)
• Ernest in the Army(1998)
• Ernest the Pirate (2000) (Was near finishing of filming when Jim Varney died of lung cancer. The film was cancelled.)

(Source: Wikipedia.)

Luckily I saw the first four movies, but the others have never been broadcast, probably because they were made for straight-to-video market. When I had time, I used to watch these movies quite a lot, especially Ernest Scared Stupid (French: Ernest à la chasse aux monstres; Ernest was dubbed by French comedian Jacques Balutin — the guy who, incidentally, was the French voice of Starsky and Cubitus). Here are the very kitschy opening credits:



I love the music, but also the silly, ridiculous "horror" movies of the 50s! (OK, Nosferatu was released in 1922.) In this film, Ernest accidentally unleashes an army of trolls in a small town. The trolls are led by Trantor, whose eyes still make me think of that of G.W. Bush…


I admit the picture doesn't show the eyes very clearly, but it's the only picture I found. For an overall survey of the movie, please read this webpage. And if you want to see the troll in motion, you may want to watch the end scene. Ernest always pulled a face, like in the following vid:



Please watch this fragment, from Ernest Goes to Jail, where Ernest is the member of a jury…



This is hilarious!

PS. Is there anyone out here who knew this character? Please comment.

Pl8ts

Last month, an auction took place in order to sell licence plates featuring a very low or special number. The money that was raised went to a government-run charity for the victims of traffic accidents in the United Arab Emirates. The record of the most expensive licence plate ever was broken: the plate featuring '1' as its only inscription was sold for $14 million! Just for a piece of metal! These people are crazy, don't you think?



I bet you probably wonder how this boy can already have so much money — probably several million$…

Here's a video showing the whole auction of '1'.



In Belgium, really low numbers (ranging from 1 to 100) are reserved for members of the Royal Household. King Albert II traditionally has '1' on his car (especially on the National Day and for other special occasions). Prince Philippe usually travels with the number 43, and auntie Fabi(ola) with 12. Let me also remind you that in Belgium, there are only two sorts of vanity plates:

• a combination of three letters and three digits for €624,00, e.g. DOC-001
• any combination of two letters and three digits for €874,00, e.g. TR.001.
  

The previous record was for '5', sold for $6.8 million! (Ten times as expensive as the big Rolls Royce it's on!)



I have a question for you all: if you could get a Belgian licence plate for free, which code would you ask from the administration? Please answer!

Another silly record

A guy had the idea of building a penny pyramid. It looks like this:



Wait, that guy decided to make it even bigger:



408,135!

Another totally silly world record: the man with the most t-shirts worn at one time:



I'm sure you know people who speak fast, but I bet no one matches this guy:



Fluent, isn't he? But totally incomprehensible, of course.