Tribute to John McClane

Listen to this nice song praising John McClane (Bruce Willis), the hero of the Die Hard series:

Fort Boyaux

This sketch by Les Inconnus is a brilliant spoof on the French TV programme Fort Boyard where a team of six people has to complete tasks on an old sea fort in order to earn money.



"La salle inondée… 'y a plein d'eau !"

"Il est pas là le p'tit nain ?"

"Daniel : il aime le foot, la natation, le tennis, le vélo, l'athlétisme et surtout le sport."

"Richard : il aime le karaté, le kung-fu, le tai kwendo, le full contact et les fleurs."

"Jean-Yves : il aime la philosophie, l'archéologie, les sciences, la théologie et le journal 'L'Equipe'."

"Florence : elle aime Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Richard Gere et Gérard Holtz."

100 movie spoilers in 5 minutes

The title says it all.

"Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!"

Even James Bond should know he shouldn't mess with one of Chuck Norris's best friends: John McClane…

Pulp Fiction

Quentin Tarentino's Pulp Fiction is for many (including myself) a terrific cult movie. Usually, I like movies that feature a normal, chronological structure, but this one is an exception. Indeed, Tarentino's editing makes it possible to take an uncommon approach on a storyline (a "postmodern nonlinear" one, as I read on Wikipedia), but it works pretty well. Besides, most of the lines are great, and so are the actors: John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth and Christopher Walken. For the plot, I refer you to the Wikipedia summary.

This movie contains a lot of famous scenes, like that of the hamburger (the first video) and Samuel L. Jackson's biblical pronouncement:





"Royale with cheese. You know what they call it that?"
"Er… because of the metric system?"

"Oh, I'm sorry… Did I break your concentration?"

Later in the film, we see a good reason not to use guns:



A fucking short version is available, if you like, and someone made an attempt to summarize the movie to 30 minutes and edit it in order to make it chronological. You tell me if it's better or not.

Fucking alternate endings

It seems that no reader likes alternate endings (because blog entries featuring them are never commented on), but I like them, so here's another twisted version of Die Hard:

…

But wait! Maybe there are some people among you who've never seen the film. Here's the fucking short version:



(It reminds me of that fucking short version of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; I once told you about it.)

And there comes the alternate ending:



Toooooooo baaaaaaaaaad!

And those two, but about Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace:



Ouch!



All right, this would have ruined the other five movies — for Anakin is the main character…

John McClane fears nobody

Our friend from the Editing Room has come up with two other alternate endings for Die Hard:

It's probably some stock broker got depressed…

And another, this time a crossover with Terminator and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie:

Casey Jones: Ooops!!

Die Harder

What if some genius had the idea of giving a twisted ending to all of the Die Hard movies??

Die Hard I



Die Hard II



Apparently, John McClane rose from the dead:

Die Hard III



Arnie "Governator" Schwarzie killed Zeus!

And this time, will McClane be lucky to get rid of his opponent?

Die Hard IV



Apparently John McClane likes being butchered…

Alternate endings are back!

I told in another post that YouTube had just deleted several alternate endings that I wanted to show you. Well the genius whose page got deleted has reappeared, so that I have been able to correct the links on 1 October's blog entry, and that I'm going to show you the alternate endings I was talking about.

– Bean: the Movie:



By the way, here's the 5 second version:



– Robert Zemeckis' Contact:



Haha!!

– The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King:



– Borat:



(with a bit of Men in Black)

– Titanic:



– Forrest Gump:



– Shawshank Redemption (I love this movie!):



– Die Hard:



– Honey I shrank the kids:



and this one:

"Die Hard With a Vengence": 4 Gallons of Water Can Save Your Life

I watched this film about 50 times, but I still can't figure out how they solve this math problem… Can you?



John McClane (Bruce Willis) and Zeus (Samuel L. Jackson) are far too intelligent. Besides, they couldn't die: the end of the movie was an hour away… Silly, I know.