Captain Birdseye

Recently on Facebook I joined a silly group of "Captain Bigleux" fans: "MMMH,ILS SONT FAMEUX LES BATONNETS DEGUEUS DU CAPTAIN BIGLEUX." Captain Bigleux (which is slang for "nearsighted") is a character who appeared in one of the numerous fake commercials by French humorists Les Nuls.



It is basically a spoof on Captain Birdseye (or Captain Iglo in French) 's fish fingers, which here become "bâtonnets dégueux" (i.e. "disgusting sticks")… Captain Birdsey was played by a certain John Hewer, who passed away last year — sadly enough in the most complete indifference from the media.

From Wikipedia:

The actor most associated with Captain Birdseye was John Hewer, a Lowestoft man who played the character from 1967 to 1998. Hewer died on 16 March 2008.^[2] For a while in the late 90s, Captain Birdseye became a much younger, rugged, dark-haired man with designer stubble and a miniature submarine, who indulged in far more action-packed adventures accompanied by his pet pelican named Pedro, the advertising agencies presumably believing that the older white-bearded man would no longer have the same appeal to children as he once did. This version did not last long however, and the better-known version soon returned.

Here are two commercials from the 80s:



Is it me or does he look like a pedophile decoying his victims with fish fingers?


The most interesting part is that people posted a lot of silly pictures which I felt necessary to show you:









This is how you prevent your bike from being stolen in the Netherlands.

Le retour de Les Nuls

It has been quite a while since the last time I mentioned Les Nuls, a group of three (of four, when Bruno Carette was still alive), so I thought it was high time I posted some videos. Take for instance this compilation of so-called news about Régis, the perfect idiot:



I also like this fake advertisement:



And a song from La Cité de la peur (1994), a film I'd like to discuss in the near future if I have time:



La Carioca is performed by Alain Chabat and Gérard Darmon.

My Dutch Literature Exam…

Today, it was high time to take the Dutch Literature exam. It was an oral one, and I was among the firsts to take it. I had put on my black suit with a purple tie (it's weird, I know) and brought my summaries in an elegant suitcase, so as to re-read the stuff once more while waiting. I chatted a little with some friends, and then it was my turn.

I was given a questionaire by Mrs Leijnse and I had to prepare it during 20 minutes, while another student was being tested. I had a question about Het Wilhelmus, then about Mariken van Nieumeghen en Beatrijs, then some obscure sonnet from Jan van der Noot.

Then I had to enter Mrs Leijnse's office. I told her everything I knew about the subjects I had to discuss. I found it pretty difficult to explain what I had in my mind. Maybe because I'm more used to writing and talking in English… I was more worried about how I was saying it rather than what I was saying. Maybe I wasn't really focussed. Mrs Leijnse also asked questions linked to what I was saying. It also disturbed me, especially when I didn't know what to say… It was — I think — the first time that I didn't manage to (at least) invent something. I absolutely don't know what will be my marks… It won't be very much, maybe 13 or 14 at most. All what I'm saying is just that I came out of the office with a bad feeling about this.

Later, in a street, as I was heading for the Station to catch my bus, a ******* pigeon found it funny to great me with shit, just on the left shoulder, that is to say on my jacket!! Crap! I told you I had a bad feeling about this…

It reminded me of this thing by Les Nuls:



Faisez gaffe aux pigeons. — C'était un conseil de l'Opération Pigeons Bourrés.

I know, it's silly. It always is. What would be life without silliness?

Why Don't We Take A Revenge On Cats?

Once again, as I found these gems on YouTube, I wanted to share it with you. These are other commercials that were parodied. These spoofs by Les Nuls are about those "useless-cats-that-don't-do-anything". You find the French transcription and the English translation.

Le coup de pied au cul… // The ass-whipping

Pour les chats qui en ont jusque là des pâtés pour chats, Fido a créé le coup de pied au cul. Miaaaaaaaawwwwwww!!!!. Et voilà le travail. Le coup de pied au cul : goûté et approuvé.

For cats that are fed up with cat food, Fido developed the ass-whipping. Miaaaaaaaawwwwwww!!!!! And that's it. Ass-whipping : tasted and approved.

Kwiskas - Message du CCC (Comité Contre les Chats) // Kwiskas - Message from the ACC (Anti-Cats Comity)

Votre chaton est plein de vie, et ça, Kwiskas l'a compris. C'est pour ça que Kwiskas chaton est plein des bonnes choses qui sont bonnes pour votre chaton qu'est plein de vie. Ça a l'air dégueulasse comme ça à première vue, mais c'est plein de bonnes choses qu'on peut pas comprendre, nous, humains. Mais si on leur demandait, aux chats, les chats, ils achèteraient Kwiskas : ils se lèveraient sur leurs petites pattes, ils se bougeraient le cul et ils iraient acheter du Kwiskas. Au lieu de ça, les chats, ils dépensent leur pognon au baby-foot, ils passent leur temps à fumer des pétards et à grimper au platond. (Miiiaiaiaaaiaawwwww !!!!!!!) Les chats, c'est vraiment des branleurs. C'était un communiqué du CCC (le Comité Contre les chats).

Le Chat machine (washing powder)

Parce que la nature est belle, le nouveau Le Chat machine contribue à une meilleure protection de l'environnement.
Encore moins de les phosphates (sic) ,encore moins de la lessive : le nouveau Le Chat machine, c'est rien que du naturel. (Miaaaiaaiiiiwwiiiiaaaiiiiuuuwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
La preuve : … aïe !
N'oubliez pas de faire bouillir votre chat. C'était un conseil du CCC (le Comité Contre les Chats)

As nature is beautiful, the new Le Chat machine helps getting a better protection of the environment.
Even less of the phosphate, even less of washing powder : the new Le Chat machine, it's 100% natural. (Miaaaiaaiiiiwwiiiiaaaiiiiuuuwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Let's show evidence of it: … aw!
Don't forget to boil your cat. It was a piece of advice given by the CCC (Comité Contre les Chats)

Gamel Trophy

Les Nuls were a group of 3 French comedians (Alain Chabat, Dominique Farrugia and Chantal Lauby) who had a TV-show with each week a special guest. In that program, you had several sketches which made fun of the news, of other programs or of ads. One of these parodies is this one, "Gamel Trophy" instead of "Camel Trophy". "Gamel" refers to se prendre une gamelle, which means "to come a cropper". Here's the video, and you find the transcription below.

Chaque année, des hommes avec des grosses voitures partent à fond les bananes sans prendre de carte routière.
Résultat : ils prennent les routes les plus mal entretenues et se plantent comme des grosses otaries bourrées à la bière.
Ensuite, ils sont comme des cons avec la bagnole en rade et les sacs de couchage tout trempés.
Et une fois qu'ils ont fabriqué un pont à peu près correct, ils reprennent un chemin pourri, comme s'ils cherchaient volontairement à se prendre une gamelle.
Ces crétins-là, ils existent, ils sont plusieurs, et en plus, ils se réunissent pour faire une course.
Le Gamel Trophée : pour les crétins qui aiment bien se prendre des gamelles.

Each year, men with big cars go riding fast and furious without taking care of bringing a road map.
Result: they take the most badly-kept roads and crash like fat, beer-plastered sea lions.
Then, they look like jerks with an out-of-order car and soaked sleeping bags.
And once they've built somewhat of a bridge, they take once again a crappy path, as though they voluntarily wanted to come a cropper.
These nerds, they exist, they are several, and besides, they gather to take part of a race.
The Cropper Trophy: for nerds who like to come a cropper.