The title says it all.
The New Yorker cartoons
7 years ago
Showing posts with label Samuel L. Jackson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Samuel L. Jackson. Show all posts
11/29/2008
7/29/2008
Episode III gets reviewed
I recently found a really good review of Star Wars Episode III and I thought it could be interesting to feature it on this blog, among the other piles of random stuff that I accumulate on a daily basis. (I hope some of you saw the film, at least…)
"Count Dracula shows up. The Chancellor says: 'Get help. You're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord.' Dude, where are they gonna get help?!?"
" … and what does this shithead ever do to make you fall in love with him? All he ever did was bitch everyone else including Ooba-Dooba, make blatantly treacherous remarks and — I wanna stress this again — he committed mass murder and Ooba-Dooba knows it."
"Obi-Wan must carefully sneak up to his position. So naturally, since he must be as covert as possible, he picks the biggest, loudest thing he can possibly find to ride up there. This thing makes noises like a dying giraffe: it's so loud the whole damn planet would be alarmed to its presence, and the damn thing even starts shouting right at the enemy's base!"
"The Emperor whips out a lightsaber and does some of that jumping around crap. The three Jedi Windu brought with him use an ancient Jedi defence technique known as 'Standing There And Letting Your Opponent Kill You', until it's soon just Windu vs. the Chancellor."
"'But wait, Obi-Wan! If Leia is my sister, then who was our mother?'
'Ow… she was the Queen of Naboo. But when things didn't work out between her and your father she lost the will to live and just up and died.'
'Ya know, she was having two kids… She didn't think it was worth living for us?'
'I guess not, Luke.'
'Oh, what a bitch!'"
"Count Dracula shows up. The Chancellor says: 'Get help. You're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord.' Dude, where are they gonna get help?!?"
" … and what does this shithead ever do to make you fall in love with him? All he ever did was bitch everyone else including Ooba-Dooba, make blatantly treacherous remarks and — I wanna stress this again — he committed mass murder and Ooba-Dooba knows it."
"Obi-Wan must carefully sneak up to his position. So naturally, since he must be as covert as possible, he picks the biggest, loudest thing he can possibly find to ride up there. This thing makes noises like a dying giraffe: it's so loud the whole damn planet would be alarmed to its presence, and the damn thing even starts shouting right at the enemy's base!"
"The Emperor whips out a lightsaber and does some of that jumping around crap. The three Jedi Windu brought with him use an ancient Jedi defence technique known as 'Standing There And Letting Your Opponent Kill You', until it's soon just Windu vs. the Chancellor."
"'But wait, Obi-Wan! If Leia is my sister, then who was our mother?'
'Ow… she was the Queen of Naboo. But when things didn't work out between her and your father she lost the will to live and just up and died.'
'Ya know, she was having two kids… She didn't think it was worth living for us?'
'I guess not, Luke.'
'Oh, what a bitch!'"
3/22/2008
Pulp Fiction
Quentin Tarentino's Pulp Fiction is for many (including myself) a terrific cult movie. Usually, I like movies that feature a normal, chronological structure, but this one is an exception. Indeed, Tarentino's editing makes it possible to take an uncommon approach on a storyline (a "postmodern nonlinear" one, as I read on Wikipedia), but it works pretty well. Besides, most of the lines are great, and so are the actors: John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Uma Thurman, Bruce Willis, Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth and Christopher Walken. For the plot, I refer you to the Wikipedia summary.
This movie contains a lot of famous scenes, like that of the hamburger (the first video) and Samuel L. Jackson's biblical pronouncement:
"Royale with cheese. You know what they call it that?"
"Er… because of the metric system?"
"Oh, I'm sorry… Did I break your concentration?"
Later in the film, we see a good reason not to use guns:
A fucking short version is available, if you like, and someone made an attempt to summarize the movie to 30 minutes and edit it in order to make it chronological. You tell me if it's better or not.
This movie contains a lot of famous scenes, like that of the hamburger (the first video) and Samuel L. Jackson's biblical pronouncement:
"Royale with cheese. You know what they call it that?"
"Er… because of the metric system?"
"Oh, I'm sorry… Did I break your concentration?"
Later in the film, we see a good reason not to use guns:
A fucking short version is available, if you like, and someone made an attempt to summarize the movie to 30 minutes and edit it in order to make it chronological. You tell me if it's better or not.
12/07/2007
Die Harder
What if some genius had the idea of giving a twisted ending to all of the Die Hard movies??
Die Hard I
Die Hard II
Apparently, John McClane rose from the dead:
Die Hard III
Arnie "Governator" Schwarzie killed Zeus!
And this time, will McClane be lucky to get rid of his opponent?
Die Hard IV
Apparently John McClane likes being butchered…
Die Hard I
Die Hard II
Apparently, John McClane rose from the dead:
Die Hard III
Arnie "Governator" Schwarzie killed Zeus!
And this time, will McClane be lucky to get rid of his opponent?
Die Hard IV
Apparently John McClane likes being butchered…
9/09/2007
"Die Hard With a Vengence": 4 Gallons of Water Can Save Your Life
I watched this film about 50 times, but I still can't figure out how they solve this math problem… Can you?
John McClane (Bruce Willis) and Zeus (Samuel L. Jackson) are far too intelligent. Besides, they couldn't die: the end of the movie was an hour away… Silly, I know.
John McClane (Bruce Willis) and Zeus (Samuel L. Jackson) are far too intelligent. Besides, they couldn't die: the end of the movie was an hour away… Silly, I know.
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