Yoda saves the day

Robocop helps his old green friend Yoda to take care of a villain:

2008: an summary

So today's New Year's Eve, which means it's time for looking back at what happened in 2008, don't you think? To help me remember all that I rely on the Wikipedia entry on 2008. I just highlight some events, or else this blog post would be filled by reports on suicide bombings and other wars, coups and mass killings…

2008 was designated as:

• International Year of Planet Earth.
• International Year of Languages.
• International Year of the Potato.
• International Year of Sanitation.
• International Year of the Frog.
• European Year of Intercultural Dialogue.
• The Year of the Rat (by the Chinese calendar)

I hadn't even noticed all that. I even think that the "International Year of the Frog" deserves being mentioned for its lack of concern from the media.

• January 1 - Cyprus, Malta, adopt the euro.
• January 21 - Stock markets around the world plunge amid growing fears of a U.S. recession, fueled by the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis. [SL: "Premonitions? Premonitions?"]
• February 19 - Fidel Castro announces his resignation as President of Cuba, effective February 24.
• February 24 - Raúl Castro is unanimously elected as President of Cuba by the National Assembly.
• March 29 - Presidential and parliamentary elections are held in Zimbabwe.
• April 8 - Privy Council of Sark dismantles its feudal system to comply with the European Convention on Human Rights. and the first elections under the new law will be held in December 2008 and the new chamber will first convene in January 2009. [SL: WTF?]
• June 12 - Ireland votes to reject the Treaty of Lisbon, in the only referendum to be held by a European Union member state on the treaty.
• June 27 - President Robert Mugabe is reelected with 85.5% of the vote in the second round of the controversial Zimbabwean presidential election. [SL: Come on…]
• June 27 - After 3 decades as the Chairman of Microsoft Corporation, Bill Gates steps down from daily duties to concentrate on philanthropy.
• July 2 - Íngrid Betancourt and 14 other hostages are rescued from FARC by Colombian security forces. [SL: Hearing non-stop news reports about the rescue and so on completely drove me crazy!]
• August 8–24 - The 2008 Summer Olympics take place in Beijing, China.
• August 17 - Michael Phelps surpasses Mark Spitz in Gold Medals won at a single Olympics, winning 8.
• September 10 - The proton beam is circulated for the first time in the Large Hadron Collider, the world's largest and highest-energy particle accelerator, located at CERN, near Geneva, under the Franco-Swiss border.
• September 15 - Following negotiations, President Robert Mugabe and opposition leaders Morgan Tsvangirai and Arthur Mutambara sign a power-sharing deal, making Tsvangirai the new Prime Minister of Zimbabwe.
• October 3 - Global financial crisis: U.S. President George W. Bush signs the revised Emergency Economic Stabilization Act into law, creating a 700 billion dollar Treasury fund to purchase failing bank assets. [SL: The beginning of the end for the world economy…]
• October 9 - Global financial crisis: Following a major banking and financial crisis in Iceland, the Icelandic Financial Supervisory Authority takes control of the 3 largest banks in the country: Kaupthing Bank, Landsbanki, and Glitnir.
• November 4 - United States presidential election, 2008: Barack Obama is elected the 44th President of the United States and Joe Biden is elected the 47th Vice President. Barack Obama becomes the first African-American President-elect.
• November 22 - Frozen water is found on Mars. [SL: Useful when the Americans bring their Coke or Pepsi on the red planet…]
• December 6 - Riots spread across Greece after a 15-year-old boy is shot dead by a special guard of the Greek Police.
• December 10 - The Channel Island of Sark, a British crown dependency, holds its first fully democratic elections under a new constitutional arrangement, becoming the last European territory to abolish feudalism.
• December 16 - Ruins of an ancient Wari city are discovered in northern Peru. [SL: And what about the crystal skulls?]
• December 31 - An extra leap second (23:59:60) is added to end the year. The last time this occurred was in 2005.

These people passed away:

• January 11 - Edmund Hillary, New Zealand mountaineer, explorer, and philanthropist, conqueror of Mount Everest (b. 1919)
• January 22 - Heath Ledger, Australian actor (b. 1979) [SL: a dreadful loss.]
• February 10 - Roy Scheider, American actor (b. 1932) [SL: "We're gonna need a bigger boat."]
• February 13 - Henri Salvador, French singer (b. 1917)
• March 19 - Arthur C. Clarke, English author, inventor, and futurist (b. 1917) & Hugo Claus, Flemish writer, painter and film director (b. 1929)
• April 5 - Charlton Heston, American actor (b. 1923)
• May 26 - Sydney Pollack, American actor, director, and producer (b. 1934)
• June 15 - Stan Winston, American special effects and makeup artist (b. 1946)
• August 9 - Bernie Mac, African-American actor and comedian (b. 1957)
• September 1 - Don LaFontaine, American voice actor (b. 1940) [SL: he was the voice you could hear in many trailers]
• September 26 - Paul Newman, American actor (b. 1925)
• October 20 - Sœur Emmanuelle, Belgian-born French nun (b. 1908)
• December 13 - Horst Tappert, German actor (b. 1923)
• December 24 - Harold Pinter, English playwright (b. 1930)

That's it. Join me on 31 December 2009 for a summary of the year!

Two years on YouTube

That's right, I signed up for my YouTube account two years ago. Since then I've watched 6,787 videos of which 509 are in my favourites (although the number should be bigger because a lot of them were deleted in the course of years — and it's now even reduced to 506 actually!), I have 223 subscribers and 11,444 people have visited my channel. That is mainly because I uploaded 69 videos which were seen by 3,078,989 people (at 10 am).

Here are my top eleven videos:

("Why top eleven? Because I like to go one step beyond" as would ThatGuyWithTheGlasses say.)

#1: Lou & Andy Swimming Pool
Views: 387,261

#2: Lou & Andy Chessington
Views: 206,456

#3: Andy & Lou -- Blind Date
Views: 145,351

#4: Lou & Andy Ice-Cream
Views: 132,612

#5: Star Wars III - Master Yoda vs Emperor Palpatine
Views: 127,804

#6: Lou & Andy at the Hospital
Views: 121,968

#7: Andy Lou - Bowling
Views: 119,308

#8: Lou & Andy at the Pub
Views: 108,886

#9: Andy and George Michael
Views: 105,121

#10: Andy & Lou -- Baby Jesus
Views: 98,613

#11: Andy & Lou - At the Petshop Buying a Snake
Views: 87,204

The 100 voices guy

Simply amazing, although it's not perfect.

Weird Al—ternate endings

I recently came across a whole bunch of Star Wars alternate endings by mjscarface, and I tell you: they're really worth watching.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones




Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Luke gets pissed off pretty fast:



Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

The Emperor is not pleased with Vader's lack of progress in searching for the Millennium Falcon…



They should have listened to C-3PO… He's always right…



Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Let's end those movies earlier

I found several alternate endings to some Star Wars movies, and I thought you wouldn't give a damn about them, but I'm still posting them:

Alternate ending to Episode IV:



"This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blast—…"

Padmé falls into the Sarlacc pitt, and Super Count Dooku beats the shit out of Obi-Wan, Anakin and Yoda! (Alternate ending to Episode II)



Episode V becomes a lot shorter:

The Clone Wars

The Clone Wars, this brand new computer-animated movie meant to take place between Episode II and Episode III sounds definitely promising. I'm looking forward to watching it!





If you liked the French version of the new trilogy, the following trailer shows us that the same voice actors (e.g. Roger Carel as C3PO, Emmanuel Garijo as Anakin, Jean Lescot as Yoda, Georges Claisse as Darth Sidious) were hired:

"Short, but pointless" (Ghostbusters 2)

While wandering on YouTube I came across new alternate endings and I wanted to show you some of them. Let's first watch the proof that Count Dooku has become more powerful than any Jedi:



What if Yoda was stronger than Palpatine, after all?



It's a shame that the guy who made it didn't manage to get rid of the digits, but it's a good idea, I think.

EditingRoom came up with a new idea, too: what if Vader decided to kill Luke after telling him the truth?



All too easy…

Now, what if Qui-Gon killed Darth Maul and not the other way round?



What if our old pal Casey Jones (from TMNT) happened to be present on Naboo (incidentally with his garbage truck, of course)?

Store Wars

Mr Romero sent me this brilliant spoof on Star Wars which uses fruit and vegetables to depict the epic struggle between Organic Rebellion and the Dark Side of the Farm ("An Empire of pollution and pesticides"), working thus as an allegory of our modern world:

"Search your peelings, Cuke, you know it to be true! Join me and together we can rule the supermarket as father and son."

"May the Farm be with you, always!"

Cuke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Canolli, C3 Peanuts, Tofu-D2, Princess Letuce, Ham Solo, Chewbroccoli, Thai fighters, Darth Tater --> brilliant puns!

From the balcony

A guy found another interesting parallel between Star Wars and real life. Watch this scene from the end of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones:



Real-life events (with a bit of editing, but still):



I told you there was something fishy with this guy!

"All's well that ends well"

Alternate endings are a great way of showing how a given story could have been. Storylines like Star Wars could have ended in a wide variety of ways, as you may recall from a series of previous posts. For instance, what if Luke, the hero, didn't manage to grip the antenna when he fell in the shaft on Bespin?



ROTFLOL is the word that sums up my reaction.

Then, what if Luke didn't manage to blow the Death Star and Vader shot him instead?



And… what if Darth Vader felt remorse after killing Luke Skywalker and all of a sudden decided to turn against the Empire? It would give something like this:



What if Yoda was less powerful than he thought?



[Swat!]
Oh, nooo!

What if Anakin underestimated his own powers?



What if everything that has transpired has done so according to the Emperor's design?



Brilliant!

PS. Don't forget to wish a happy birthday to Ellen!

Y.O.D.A.

The Village People's song YMCA was spoofed into Y.O.D.A. Here are two versions I found on YouTube, but unfortunately they're not of good quality, nor are they the full versions.



I promised the other day I'd show you a parody song made by Weird Al Yankovic, so here it is: "Yoda", a parody of Lola, by the Kinks, a famous British pop group.

Lola:



Yoda:



And here are the lyrics if you feel like singing them:

I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah
Where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda
S-O-D-A, soda

I saw the little runt sitting there on a log
I asked him for his name and in a raspy voice he said "Yoda"
Y-O-D-A, Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I've been around, but I ain't never seen
A guy who looks like a Muppet, but he's wrinkled and green
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
How he can lift me in the air just by raising his hand
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I left home just a week before
And I've never ever been a Jedi before
But Obi-Wan, he set me straight, of course
He said, "Go to Yoda and he'll show you the Force"

Well I'm not the kind that would argue with Ben
So it looks like I'm gonna start all over again
With my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

So I used the Force
I picked up a box
I lifted some rocks
While I stood on my head
but, I won't forget what Yoda said

He said, "Luke, stay away from the darker side
And if you start to go astray, let the Force be your guide"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

"I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed"
Oh, my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Well, I heard my friends really got in a mess
So I'm gonna have to leave Yoda I guess
But I know that I'll be coming back some day
I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray

The long-term contract I had to sign
Says I'll be making these movies till the end of time
Oh with my Yoda
Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda
Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda Yo-yo-yo-yo Yoda

Yoda speaks German

Please watch this scene of the first encounter between Yoda and Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back. Why do I want you to do that? Because I find it funny. As simple as that.



Yoda's got a really weird voice, I think, but it's funny to listen to. (Just like the Heat scene dubbed in German that I posted the other day.)

eBay

I'm currently preparing a blog entry with parody stuff about Yoda (one of my favourite Star Wars characters) and since one of those spoofs was made by Weird Al Yankovic, I thought I could feature another song of him. This one describes quite cleverly eBay, the best-know website for selling things you don't need anymore. (That's better than a bonfire, as they do in Little Britain.)



Lyrics:

A used ... pink bathrobe
A rare ... mint snowglobe
A Smurf ... TV tray
I bought on eBay

My house ... is filled with this crap
Shows up in bubble wrap
Most every day
What I bought on eBay

Tell me why (I need another pet rock)
Tell me why (I got that Alf alarm clock)
Tell me why (I bid on Shatner's old toupée)
They had it on eBay

I'll buy ... your Nik Naks
Just check ... my feedback
"A++!" they all say
They love me on eBay

Gonna buy (a slightly-damaged golf bag)
Gonna buy (some Beanie Babies, new with tag)
(From some guy) I've never met in Norway
Found him on eBay

I am the type who is liable to snipe you
With two seconds left to go, whoa
Got Paypal or Visa, what ever'll please ya
As long as I've got the dough

I'll buy ... your tchotchkes
Sell me ... your watch, please
I'll buy (I'll buy, I'll buy, I'll buy ...)
I'm highest bidder now

(Junk keeps arriving in the mail)
(From that worldwide garage sale) (Dukes Of Hazard ashtray)
(Hey! A Dukes Of Hazard ashtray)
Oh yeah ... (I bought it on eBay)

Wanna buy (a PacMan Fever lunchbox)
Wanna buy (a case of vintage tube socks)
Wanna buy (a Kleenex used by Dr. Dre, Dr. Dre)
(Found it on eBay)

Wanna buy (that Farrah Fawcet poster)
(Pez dispensers and a toaster)
(Don't know why ... the kind of stuff you'd throw away)
(I'll buy on eBay)

What I bought on eBay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y

This parody song was a spoof on I want it that way, by the Backstreet Boys. (I admit I didn't know that. I hardly know anything about popular music, actually. Poor me!) Here's the video if you want to compare:

Star Ads

Here's a spoof on those MasterCard commercials ("There are things money can't buy" and such) but applied to Star Wars:



M&Ms gave itself to the Dark Side:



Brilliant! I wanted to show you a commercial with C3PO and R2D2 in a moralistic message against smoking, but as embedding was disabled, just click here to watch the video.

And to conclude, we see that Yoda is addicted to Pepsi, but just like Marty McFly in Back to the Future, the green creature doesn't get a Pepsi free…

"The Force is strong with you, young Skywalker. But you aren't a Jedi yet." (Darth Vader, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Today we got our results for the January exams, and as it is customary for me to reveal them once and for all (it's more economical than repeating them all the time), here they are:

• Linguistique anglaise II………………………………………………………………… 18
• Histoire des littératures et des civilisations anglophones II…………….. 16
• Histoire des littératures et des civilisations néerlandophones II……… 18

Note that I'm still waiting for another two marks (Dutch normative grammar and a German test).

This means that I got rid of three courses. There are no less than 8 other courses to take an exam for at the end of the year. That'll be a right kerfuffle.

Now some comments about those exams, as I promised three weeks ago. Today I deal with the first two, and the other three will be discussed tomorrow.

First of all, we had to take a kind of intermediate test in German, consisting of a conversation with our teacher, Mr Bertrand. During the test, we had to provide good forms of declined adjectives, plural of nouns, their genders, forms of verbs, etc. We also had to answer basic questions and tell something about a topic discussed in the workbook. All this was supposed to take just 20 minutes, just like a regular oral exam, but Mr Bertrand was so enthousiastic about talking with me that I talked with him during 35 minutes more or less.

The following exam, Histoire des littératures et des civilisations anglophones was to take place on 8 January, that's to say three days later. (Exceptionally, our German test had to take place on 4 January or 21 January due to schedule problems.) Before I started studying my course notes, during the two weeks of "holiday", I had already leart and worked on the paraphrases that we came across with Pr. Delabastita. It took me a considerable amount of time to type everything, but in that way I had already made a first approach to the fragments. So I read, re-read, re-re-read the course notes: that's my way of studying. At the same time, I made an outline of the authors and their works, plus their dates of birth and death. After three day's study, I started becoming crazy: I wanted to stop studying, but I couldn't: I felt the urge to study, even if I couldn't assimilate more.

That's maybe why I appeared in front of Pr. Delabastita in a less relaxed state than usual. He asked me: "How are you Simon?" and I answered: "Of course I am", because what I heard was: "Are you Simon?". I admit I have some audition problems when I'm anxious. I picked one of the many exam sheets and I prepared my answers in the nearby classroom. My questions were:

1. Identify this fragment and discuss it. [Fowles, The French Lieutenant's Woman, beginning of chapter 55.]
   
2. What are the origins, characteristics, most important authors, etc. of the gothic genre.
   

So when Benjamin, who preceeded me, had finished his exam, it was my turn to be judged. So I talked about the fragment, situating it, talking about the book, about metafiction, etc. Pr. Delabastita asked me a couple of questions to make my answers more precise or to reframe them — as usual. Then we moved on to the second question. I talked about The Castle of Otranto, Anna Radcliff's The Monk, Dickens, the Brontë sisters, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Dracula. But at that moment, I felt that my answers were not as satisfying as what I'm used to: I lacked precision, curiously. At the end, he asked me which link there was between Jane Austen and the gothic novel. I had absolutely no idea of such a thing: probably he had told it as a footnote during the class, but the fact was that I didn't remember. (Note that's the first time I couldn't find an answer, even a hypothesis.) This wouldn't affect my marks seriously, but I was sure I wouldn't get 18 like last year. Nevertheless, I was quite confident about a 15 or a 16, and the results prove I was right.

Tomorrow, I'll talk about Dutch normative grammar, Dutch history and literature, and English linguistics.



A rejoicing announcement: the Star Wars exhibition will come to Tour & Taxis, in Brussels, between 16 February and 1 June 2008. This exciting exhibition was first held in London, then in other famous places such as New York (Brooklin), Lisbon and Paris. I certainly will go and see it — and that will be the third time: I first saw it in London in 2001, then in Paris in 2005. Fortunately, the layout and the artifacts from the saga were quite different in both exhibitions, and we can expect it will again be the case in Brussels. Anyway, I envoy seeing those splendid costumes and miniature spacecraft and other silly things that only Star Wars freaks would worship.

May the Force be with you!

Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Darth Vader's Rap

I haven't understood every fuckin' word, but I got the general fuckin' flavour of it. Watch this fuckin' video!



Here are the lyrics if, like me, you want to know what they say. Maybe it would be better not to do so, because it's quite rude… but that's the goal of a parody: making fun of the original in every possible way. Even by doing a Star Wars Gangsta Rap… But I do not caution everything they sing, a.o. what Jar-Jar and C3PO say.

Admiral:
This is Admiral Biatch to base camp,
it seems the stormtroopers have gone on strike
and I have no experience with this type of shit.
Who should I call for help?

Vader:
It's the V to the A to the D-E-R (Vader!)
Reconstructin' the Death Star!
With my slick suede suit that's black like tar,
Fucking you up no matter who you are!

Palpatine:
Tell the motherfuckers 'bout the sheer Dark Side!
Pull up on your planet, Death Star drive-by!
And we'll beat the Rebels 'cause their skills ain't shit!

Vader:
And in my TIE Fighter, Zig-zags stay lit!

Yoda:
Oh, shit! Yoda on the scene,
900 year fiend smoking Dagobah green!
Bitches on my tip, like Lando on liquor.

Lando:
Ah, you're just jealous 'cause my black dick's thicker.

Chewbacca:
*Wookie yell*

Lando:
Yo! Tell 'em Chewie, last night
I had Leia all drunk wanting to do me.

Luke:
Shut the fuck up man! Leia's my sister!
The only thing you're getting is a beat-off blister.

Ben Kenobi:
Luke! Use the force before
intercourse, but Luke!
Don't forget! Bitches ain't nothing but hos and tricks!

(Ohh!)

Luke:
Obi-Wan, I'm the top gun! (top gun)
The chosen one, hotter than both suns!
Vader ain't shit, his head's cut up and split!
He's slower than the first Pentium chip!

(Dark Side!)
Vader:
The one who brings remorse to this fucking universe.

(Rebels!)
Luke:
You know we'll fucking win, 'cause we'll fight to the end!

(Dark Side!)
Palpatine:
I can feel the anger dwelling within you!

(Rebels!)
Yoda:
You also feel Vader's dick in you. BIATCH!

*Incoherent Huttese Jabba rap*

Han Solo:
Jabba, you ain't nothing but a fat-ass slug!
Fake gold chains? You sorry-ass thug!
Sittin' in your palace with your blue-headed whore,
trap door to the Rancor. *sound of someone falling*

C3PO:
Oh, my, goodness gracious me!
I'm a gay man's golden fantasy!
Programmed for homo-ecstasy,
ten million forms of gay positioning.
For my golden shower, you must pay a fee,
but R2-D2 gives it up for free. *R2-d2 squeaks*
R2-D2, watch your language!
Always having sex with robotic strangers!

Jar Jar Binks:
Meesa like to drink and smoke all night!
Meesa like to fight and fucka yo wife.
Meesa no care 'cause meesa so dumb.
Meesa will fuck you with me tongue.
Yousa wants a meesa cause meesa wants some.
Yousa wants a meesa cause meesa wants some.
Yousa wants a meesa cause meesa wants some.
Meesa wants some cause meesa wanna cum!

Yoda Sings

I had a good laugh watching this, and I hope you will, too.

Another Version of Fart Wars

There's a sound which comes from this scene of Dumb and Dumber, when Lama Su sits down. Too silly. I want more!

The Empire Farts Back

Here's another gem:



It's just perfect! Oh, and by the way, why don't you watch this:



There are less farts, but at least you get to see one of the most famous scenes of Star Wars - Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, with here Mark Hamill as Luke and Frank Oz as Yoda.