Weird Al—ternate endings

I recently came across a whole bunch of Star Wars alternate endings by mjscarface, and I tell you: they're really worth watching.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones




Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Luke gets pissed off pretty fast:



Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

The Emperor is not pleased with Vader's lack of progress in searching for the Millennium Falcon…



They should have listened to C-3PO… He's always right…



Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Alternate Endings: Independence Day

If you happen to read this blog regularly, you'll have noticed that I love alternate endings. I love them even more so when they're about films I like. Take the case of Independence Day, about alien ships trying to invade the Earth after destroying all of its most important cities, causing chaoes, destruction, collective hysteria and such nice things. You have probably seen this classic alternate ending by EditingRoom, with the heroes stupidly crashing and putting an end to the movie a bit sooner than expected:

Now a crossover with Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi:



I found another crossover, but this time based on Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope:

"Who is this? What is your operating number?"

And now, Will Smith welcomes the Apollo 13 spaceship that's just landed:

"Welcome to Earth! That's what I call a close encounter!"

Store Wars

Mr Romero sent me this brilliant spoof on Star Wars which uses fruit and vegetables to depict the epic struggle between Organic Rebellion and the Dark Side of the Farm ("An Empire of pollution and pesticides"), working thus as an allegory of our modern world:

"Search your peelings, Cuke, you know it to be true! Join me and together we can rule the supermarket as father and son."

"May the Farm be with you, always!"

Cuke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Canolli, C3 Peanuts, Tofu-D2, Princess Letuce, Ham Solo, Chewbroccoli, Thai fighters, Darth Tater --> brilliant puns!

Tribute to Jek Porkins

In Star Wars even characters that only appear a few seconds in a movie have a fully developed background in the Expanded Universe and often have adamant fans who worship them. This is the case of Jek Porkins, a pilot of the Red Squadron attacking the Death Star in Episode IV. Here's one of his two scenes (the first being him just saying "Red six"):



Despite his death, Porkins got somewhat elevated to the status of a legendary hero who died on the (space) battlefield. Some nerds suggested that Lucas hid the reason why Porkins exploded:



I can hold it!

Another version of his death is the following:



Jek Porkins was portrayed by the late William Hootkins, who also played "Lt. Max Eckhardt in Batman (1989), and Major Eaton, one of the army intelligence men appearing at the beginning and the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark", as stated on Wikipedia.

Porkins flies a starfighter (i.e. a spacecraft) named X-wing in the Star Wars universe. In 2007, the San Diego Tripoli Rocket Association built and launched a 23-foot-long X-wing model propelled by four rockets. Then, what if Porkins climbed in that X-wing fighter?



No, wait, here's what really happened:



That black starfighter is called "TIE fighter".

Caveman

In 1977 Star Wars mesmerised millions of viewers thanks to revolutionary, stunning special effects. Three years later The Empire Strikes Back was released, featuring even more spectacular shots, creating an even better illusion of a space odyssey — most notably with the Asteroid field scene. Just one year later, cinema travelled back in time until prehistory:



Caveman was born! Basically Ringo Starr (click that link to see a picture of how he looks like now—that's quite a change) didn't know what to do and decided to play in one of the silliest films ever. He's joined in his wreck, no, adventure, by Dennis Quaid, Shelley Long and Barbara Bach (Starr's current wife). Starr plays a cavemen who discovers a lot of things: "drugs, fire, cooking, music, and learn how to walk fully upright" according to Wikipedia. (I admit it's been a long time since the last time I watched this movie…) Let's watch the scene where they discover music:



And now: Geriatric Park!



(Music by Lalo Schifrin.)

Hands Solo

Once again, I discovered by chance something really interesting:



This guy is actually playing the Cantina band music (composed by John Williams for Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope) by making his hands fart; he says his disciplin is called manualism. Of course, he's got a mike to amplify the volume, but still: he's very good at manualism.

(I hope you got the joke in the title: Han Solo/Hands solo… Silly, I know.)

Had I time enough… (and money!)

I told you several months ago about my passion for Lego bricks and I featured a picture of the biggest set ever, containing not less than 5195 pieces: the Ultimate Collector's Millenium Falcom™ from the second Star Wars trilogy. This spacecraft specially designed for Star Wars and Lego freaks (this includes me, obviously) was released in November, with a limited edition with an "authenticity certificate" signed by some head of Lucasfilm licencing or something like that. Now, the set is still available on the Lego online shop, but without the card (who cares?) The point is that I wanted to show you what it's like to build such a huge thing in Lego bricks. Check this wonderful video:



We have nearly 6 minutes in stop-motion, and the video's maker says on the YouTube page that it took him 37 hours over 11 days! Had I time enough! And money, indeed: €550. And the most surprising is that the prizes vary considerably in countries that don't use the euro as currency:

• United Kingdom --> £350 ≈ €525
• Switzerland --> CHF780 ≈ €490
• United States --> $500 ≈ €340
• Belgium --> €550…!!! Outrageous!

Perhaps in another life.

Merrie Parodies

Our old pal thatguywiththeglasses posted a video mixing some bits of the cartoon Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th century with dialogues from Star Wars.

In itself, the original cartoon was a spoof on Buck Rogers in the 25th century, an old successful sci-fi series from the 1930s. Here Daffy Duck is Duck Dodgers and his assistant is Porky Pig. His opponent is Marvin the Martian. Actually, this cartoon is number 4 in the 50 greatest cartoons of all times.

Some bits of this cartoon are also to be seen in Steven Spielberg's Close Encounters of the Third Kind on the telly at Roy Neary's (Richard Dreyfuss).

Here's the new brilliant parody:

Impressive… Most impressive.

As clumsy as he is stupid
--> One of my favourite quotes (French version: "il est aussi maladroit que stupide").

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Pope

Remember that I've already told you about the awkward resemblance between Pope Benedict XVI (aka Ratzinger, aka Panzerkardinal) and the evil Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars saga, one of the most demonic vilains in the movie history?

Well, the other time I showed you convincing pictures, and now it's time for you to show actual evidence that Darth Ratzi is as evil as Palpatine, not only because of his grim face…



… but also because of his stands on a great many things (just to quote a couple of words from Return of the Jedi:



This one is called "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Pope", a pun on "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope".



Striking, isn't it? This video was called "Dark Pope of the Sith", a pun on "Dark Lord of the Sith".

And to finish with, some genius had the idea of buying a little sculpture of the pope (which would be, otherwise, really dumb) and dress it with a dark cloak so that… he ended up with something like this:



Even more stricking, wasn't it?

If you don't know what to buy me for my birthday, I'd be delighted to get such a sculpture. It'd make a perfect addition to my collection (just to quote a few words from General Grievous).

When a minutes is really 60 seconds…

You know that a minute in a film is never exactly a minute. That is the reason why some other brilliant YouTuber decided to edit the space battle from the end of Star Wars – Episode IV: A New Hope so that "one minutes" corresponds with exactly 60 seconds. Here's the result:



Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Thumbs up!!

The Empire Brokeback!

Droids have feelings: they can live a true love story:



Obi-Wan and Anakin were having an affair, too!



Even Han Solo and Chewie!



I love these parodies on the Brokeback Mountain theme! More tomorrow

Movie Mistakes: Star Wars

I forgot to show you some of the most striking mistakes to be spotted in Star Wars – Episode IV: A New Hope. I knew most of them, but I had never thought of a couple (e.g. the first one):



Even though I have already seen this episode like 200 times, I had never noticed such obvious things. But I still love this movie.

Plan langues (2)

This is incredibly idiot, and that's why I'd like you to watch it. It's a Chyprian soundtrack on actual Star Wars footage, with silly (approximative) English subtitles.



The second half is crappy, though.

Darth Vader: The Origins

If you wonder how Dart Vader sounded like before James Earl Jones took care of it, just watch this:



If Lucas had kept the voice of David Prowse, Star Wars would never have been as successful as it is now.

Tribute to Georges Aminel

I'm sure nobody knows who Georges Aminel is. Or was. Because he died three month ago. He was 84. He was a French dramatic actor, mostly "known" as the dubbing voice of Sylvester in the Warner Bros. cartoons, the Looney Tunes, but also as Darth Vader's voice in Star Wars Episodes III, V and VI. (In Episode IV, Darth Vader [translated in Dark Vador for matters of pronunciation] was dubbed by another actor, the late François Chaumette.) He died, but I came to know it only two weeks ago, when I read it in Lucasfilm Magazine. Apparently, he didn't share the celebrity of guys like Michel Serrault (cf. my article "News From the Grave" below), and that's why the media didn't have a word about him, not even in the best French-speaking newspaper, Le Soir.

Several months ago, I posted on YouTube a video to pay him a tribute. In fact, it was just that scene from the end of Episode III, when the dark-suited Darth Vader comes to life, after his operation. This video is still the only one available on YouTube to feature Georges Aminel's voice. You'll find it below, and the original version as well.





And I'd just like to show you the French version made especially for Québec. This is awful, in my opinion. I've been posting videos for months on YouTube with a Canadian YouTube penpal, so that we can compare, for I'm pretty much interested in translation, and more precisely on the translation of Star Wars. (I know, it's really silly.) We both prefer the original version, then our "regional" version: he dispises the French version, and I despise the Canadian version, as fas as voices are concerned. I prefer several French-Canadian translations, though: they are more accurate. But the voice just suck. I hope you'll agree with me:

Star Wars: Alternate Ending (4)

And another alternate ending. This one is especially funny. (I only choose the best bits for you, of course.)



Amazing. The Star Wars saga would have ended with Episode IV!

(Of course, the reason why I'm making a Star Wars week is that the first movie was released 30 years ago! Happy birthday, then!)