100 movie spoilers in 5 minutes

The title says it all.

A fallen hero

Luke Skywalker doesn't want to join Darth Vader to rule and conquer the galaxy, so he chooses to commit suicide…

Weird Al—ternate endings

I recently came across a whole bunch of Star Wars alternate endings by mjscarface, and I tell you: they're really worth watching.

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones




Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Luke gets pissed off pretty fast:



Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

The Emperor is not pleased with Vader's lack of progress in searching for the Millennium Falcon…



They should have listened to C-3PO… He's always right…



Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Store Wars

Mr Romero sent me this brilliant spoof on Star Wars which uses fruit and vegetables to depict the epic struggle between Organic Rebellion and the Dark Side of the Farm ("An Empire of pollution and pesticides"), working thus as an allegory of our modern world:

"Search your peelings, Cuke, you know it to be true! Join me and together we can rule the supermarket as father and son."

"May the Farm be with you, always!"

Cuke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Canolli, C3 Peanuts, Tofu-D2, Princess Letuce, Ham Solo, Chewbroccoli, Thai fighters, Darth Tater --> brilliant puns!

George Lucas in Love

About ten years ago, a fan of the first Star Wars trilogy decided to make a short film that would depict how the "holy creator", George Lucas, got his inspiration for the different events and characters of his space saga. Please watch George Lucas in Love:

"It's about a young space farmer…"

"Ahhhhhhhh! My hand!"

"Hey George! Check out my new duck: I named it Howard."

The title of this short film is of course a spoof on Shakespeare in Love.

If you're interested to see what Star Wars looks like in German, here's the trailer for Revenge of the Sith:

Caveman

In 1977 Star Wars mesmerised millions of viewers thanks to revolutionary, stunning special effects. Three years later The Empire Strikes Back was released, featuring even more spectacular shots, creating an even better illusion of a space odyssey — most notably with the Asteroid field scene. Just one year later, cinema travelled back in time until prehistory:



Caveman was born! Basically Ringo Starr (click that link to see a picture of how he looks like now—that's quite a change) didn't know what to do and decided to play in one of the silliest films ever. He's joined in his wreck, no, adventure, by Dennis Quaid, Shelley Long and Barbara Bach (Starr's current wife). Starr plays a cavemen who discovers a lot of things: "drugs, fire, cooking, music, and learn how to walk fully upright" according to Wikipedia. (I admit it's been a long time since the last time I watched this movie…) Let's watch the scene where they discover music:



And now: Geriatric Park!



(Music by Lalo Schifrin.)

Yoda speaks German

Please watch this scene of the first encounter between Yoda and Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back. Why do I want you to do that? Because I find it funny. As simple as that.



Yoda's got a really weird voice, I think, but it's funny to listen to. (Just like the Heat scene dubbed in German that I posted the other day.)

Starry Potter and the Philosopher Hope

Before starting (well, in fact, this is already the start…), I signal that this blog entry is (again) only suitable to people who have already seen Star Wars. Those who haven't not only need to get cultivated and watch them asap, but shouldn't waste their time watching and reading what follows, because otherwise they'd understand nothing at all.

First, if you did see Star Wars, it might be interesting to watch the original trailer of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (released in 2001).



Great music by John Williams. And very good film, though I prefered the third and fifth films in the Harry Potter franchise. Now let's watch this video showing clips from Star Wars to correspond the trailer's text:



Brilliant montage — just like what I featured the other day, namely the crossover between The Departed and Star Wars.

The line I like most is that of Snape (Alan Rickman), but here "said" by Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid)… "Mr Potter……… our…… new……… celebrity."

And whenever I'll watch Episode IV, I'll always have that "Troooooooooooll in the dungeon!!" quote in mind…

"Not all wizards are good…" --> It reminds me of that crossover between the dialogue Vader/Luke from Empire Strikes Back scene and the confrontation Voldemort/Harry in The Goblet of Fire, which I featured several months ago.



If you know both Star Wars and Harry Potter, admit this is great!

Had I time enough… (and money!)

I told you several months ago about my passion for Lego bricks and I featured a picture of the biggest set ever, containing not less than 5195 pieces: the Ultimate Collector's Millenium Falcom™ from the second Star Wars trilogy. This spacecraft specially designed for Star Wars and Lego freaks (this includes me, obviously) was released in November, with a limited edition with an "authenticity certificate" signed by some head of Lucasfilm licencing or something like that. Now, the set is still available on the Lego online shop, but without the card (who cares?) The point is that I wanted to show you what it's like to build such a huge thing in Lego bricks. Check this wonderful video:



We have nearly 6 minutes in stop-motion, and the video's maker says on the YouTube page that it took him 37 hours over 11 days! Had I time enough! And money, indeed: €550. And the most surprising is that the prizes vary considerably in countries that don't use the euro as currency:

• United Kingdom --> £350 ≈ €525
• Switzerland --> CHF780 ≈ €490
• United States --> $500 ≈ €340
• Belgium --> €550…!!! Outrageous!

Perhaps in another life.

Lando's stroke of luck is beer

Do not read this unless you know Star Wars!

It appears that Billy Dee Williams, who played the character of Lando Calrissian in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, makes commercials for a living — for shooting a film doesn't make him earn a lot of money, apparently… So let's first watch this add first, and then a joke made about it:



And here's the joke:

Merrie Parodies

Our old pal thatguywiththeglasses posted a video mixing some bits of the cartoon Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th century with dialogues from Star Wars.

In itself, the original cartoon was a spoof on Buck Rogers in the 25th century, an old successful sci-fi series from the 1930s. Here Daffy Duck is Duck Dodgers and his assistant is Porky Pig. His opponent is Marvin the Martian. Actually, this cartoon is number 4 in the 50 greatest cartoons of all times.

Some bits of this cartoon are also to be seen in Steven Spielberg's Close Encounters of the Third Kind on the telly at Roy Neary's (Richard Dreyfuss).

Here's the new brilliant parody:

Impressive… Most impressive.

As clumsy as he is stupid
--> One of my favourite quotes (French version: "il est aussi maladroit que stupide").

The Saga Begins

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned "Weird Al" Yankovich and his great parody songs, like Michael Jackson's Beat it getting twisted into Eat it?

Today I would like to show you another song that I've just discovered: The Saga Begins (1999). It's about Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, and Weird Al (dressed up as Obi-Wan Kenobi) sings of Anakin's daring deeds, thus summarizing in a quite brilliant way the plot of that first episode. This song is a parody of American Pie by Don McLean.



Here are the lyrics (it took me a lot of time to make all the links, so don't hesitate to click on them to learn more about the Star Wars universe):

A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the Federation in
To maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy

Oh
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Darth Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
He left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force, they say

Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday

Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy

We started singin'
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh the Council was impressed of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interviewed the kid
All training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"
"Just stick it in your pointy ear"
"I still will teach this boy"

He was singin'
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gungans died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy

And I was singin'
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We were singin'
My my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

PS. It is stated on Wikipedia that Weird Al wrote this song just by reading internet spoilers…, thus without seeing the movie at all!

As would Darth Vader say (in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back):

Impressive… Most impressive.

E.T. meets a friend

Some idiot (read: genius) managed to make a horror trailer out of the film E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial:



Funny, wasn't it?

Let me seize this opportunity to show you one of the most brilliant crossovers in the history of cinema: E.T. meets someone he thinks to be an old friend of his:



Home! Home!

--> So now we know where Yoda's actually from: he's from the same planet as E.T. But the point is that we don't know its name either… Too bad. By the way, there are lot of hidden gems (the so-called "Easter eggs") about Star Wars in this movie, for example a TIE-Fighter on Elliott's bookshelf.

Please note that we can actually spot Steven Spielberg dressed up as an old lady when E.T.'s looking through the ghost shroud, just on the left after "Yoda" appears. (This is, as far as I know, his only cameo in one of his films.)

Please also note that the talented John Williams, who brilliantly composed the score of both E.T. (1982) and Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980; film where Yoda appears for the first time in the movie history), subtlely uses Yoda's theme when we see him. I don't think there are many composers who can be proud to have achieved such a thing in their career. Not even Mozart. (Even though movies didn't exist back then.)

Alternate Endings: the Return!

I've already shown you several alternate endings for the Back to the Future movies, but I've just found another that's worth the detour:



What if it had really happened…?

And I found a new one for Star Wars – Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back:



And another:



All too easy…

And yet another:



Soooo silly indeed!

Vader Has Problems

Not only has Darth Vader hearing problems…



— Can you hear me?
— Yes, master.
— Are you sure?
— No. --> BRILLIANT

… but also family problems:



— Damned Luke, I'm not your real father! ROFL

And apparently our old pal also suffers from flatulence:



This was just to end with a really silly video. More of Fart Wars tomorrow, hopefully!

The Empire Brokeback!

Droids have feelings: they can live a true love story:



Obi-Wan and Anakin were having an affair, too!



Even Han Solo and Chewie!



I love these parodies on the Brokeback Mountain theme! More tomorrow

Plan langues (2)

This is incredibly idiot, and that's why I'd like you to watch it. It's a Chyprian soundtrack on actual Star Wars footage, with silly (approximative) English subtitles.



The second half is crappy, though.

Tribute to Georges Aminel

I'm sure nobody knows who Georges Aminel is. Or was. Because he died three month ago. He was 84. He was a French dramatic actor, mostly "known" as the dubbing voice of Sylvester in the Warner Bros. cartoons, the Looney Tunes, but also as Darth Vader's voice in Star Wars Episodes III, V and VI. (In Episode IV, Darth Vader [translated in Dark Vador for matters of pronunciation] was dubbed by another actor, the late François Chaumette.) He died, but I came to know it only two weeks ago, when I read it in Lucasfilm Magazine. Apparently, he didn't share the celebrity of guys like Michel Serrault (cf. my article "News From the Grave" below), and that's why the media didn't have a word about him, not even in the best French-speaking newspaper, Le Soir.

Several months ago, I posted on YouTube a video to pay him a tribute. In fact, it was just that scene from the end of Episode III, when the dark-suited Darth Vader comes to life, after his operation. This video is still the only one available on YouTube to feature Georges Aminel's voice. You'll find it below, and the original version as well.





And I'd just like to show you the French version made especially for Québec. This is awful, in my opinion. I've been posting videos for months on YouTube with a Canadian YouTube penpal, so that we can compare, for I'm pretty much interested in translation, and more precisely on the translation of Star Wars. (I know, it's really silly.) We both prefer the original version, then our "regional" version: he dispises the French version, and I despise the Canadian version, as fas as voices are concerned. I prefer several French-Canadian translations, though: they are more accurate. But the voice just suck. I hope you'll agree with me:

The Empire Farts Back

Here's another gem:



It's just perfect! Oh, and by the way, why don't you watch this:



There are less farts, but at least you get to see one of the most famous scenes of Star Wars - Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, with here Mark Hamill as Luke and Frank Oz as Yoda.

Star Wars: Alternate Ending (5)

"Every saga has its beginning", says the motto of Star Wars – Episode I: The Phantom Menace, but it also has its end, unfortunately. Or let's say that it's a temporary end. We never know. I kept the best for the end, of course. There you go!



The very last words are SO funny!

I told you it was the best!

PS. This puts an end to the short series of alternate endings to Star Wars, but it doesn't mean I won't talk about Star Wars in my following posts…

To be continued…