Impressions on my exams: second and last part

As I promised, here follows the rest of my glimpse on my January exams.

My third exam was Grammaire normative néerlandaise, that is to say an exam on the whole book De regels van het Nederlands that we had been working on for a year and a half. This exam took place on Saturday 12 January, on the really same day as the first year students. (In fact, since I was in charge of establishing the timetables for the exams, I thought it would be more convenient for Mrs Hendrix to come just once for both years. Moreover, it was most suitable for us as to the sequence and spacing of of exams.) Second-year students were asked to enter the lecture room in the first place — one of the few advantages of being older — and then the first-year students. Once everyone was seated, we could stard. First, there was a series of fill-in questions that were quite easy, even if I had second thoughts about it after the exam. Second, twenty MCQs, some of which were written in a sadistic manner. I was confident about 75% of the answers, though. After the exam, while I was discussing my answers with fellow students, I realized that I had made big mistakes, but not too much. On the whole, I thought I would get 15.

As a special treat, Mrs Hendrix told me via e-mail that I got 16/20 for this exam. Quite rejoicing!

Two days and a half later (or three, for some people who had chosen to take the exam on Wednesday), it was time to go and see Mrs Leijnse to be tested orally on the course Histoire de la littérature néerlandaise II. Like in June, I was wearing my black suit, with a black shirt and a black tie. Just two students preceeded me that day, but there was already a ten-minute delay… Anyway, the moment finally came when I received three sheets with a question each of them. I went to the English literature seminar in order to write down the outline of the answer I would give once I would be in front of her. Normally, I should have had just 20 minutes to prepare that, but since Anne-Sophie (who was just before me) was apparently talking and talking, in the end I got more than 25 minutes — which allowed me to write detailed answers, and even to get bored because I didn't know what to write.

Mrs Leijnse eventually came to ask me to go to her office. I sat down and I started answering my questions:

1. [On the basis of a fragment from the epistolary novel Julia by Reijnvis Feith] Who wrote this text? What are the features? To which kind of writings does this belong?
   
2. [On the basis of a sheet with three poems by Van Schaick] Who wrote those poems? Who influenced him? What are the features of his style and the genre of poetry he wrote? What does it tell us about colonialism?
   
3. [On the basis of a poem by Guido Gezelle] Who wrote this poem? What are the characteristics of this poem? // Make a short survey of the "taalkwestie" in Belgium at the beginning of the 19th century.
   

I answered all the questions, making parallels with the other works I knew, their characteristics, the stories, the historical events, and so on. On the whole, I thought I did that exam very well. In fact, I had a better feeling about it than last year: when I took the exam, I was totally exhausted due to the fact that I had been studying philosophy for a week, and that after that I hadn't slept much, resulting in a poor pronunciation… But still, my answers were good, for I got 18 that time. And I also got 18 this time.

The last exam was a written one. It was to last for 5 hours! In fact, it was a twofold exam, the first part being a one-hour closed book exam on Charles Barber's book The History of the English language (very interesting by the way) which we were assigned to read and understand thouroughly in order to answer relatively short questions about it. (We had received a sheet with a list of questions, some of which would be asked at the exam, in order to have guidelines in our reading.) The second part was a four-hour open book exam on Pr. Vandelanotte's course notes about clause complex vs. clause simplex, STR (speech or thought representation, his area of expertise and PhD thesis subject – or I should say: "free indirect speech or thought representation"), and verbal processes.

I had to study the course in less than three days, which was quite a kerfuffle. Understanding the theory about chapters 1 and 3 was quite easy, since I had already go the idea behind the theory during the lectures. But as to chapter 2, I have to admit that I had hardly understood anything when Pr. Vandelanotte discussed it in class. At that time, I was more concerned about the fact that one can be so fascinated by such an abstract matter… But I guess it must be like that for any academic study. (You tell me, Professor.)

I worked very hard on that chapter and I managed to get the point of the four false assumptions about STR, even though I had difficulty finding good criteria to make the difference between free indirect speech (FIST) and distancing indirect speech (DIST). Basically, it had something to do with the degree of intervention of the narrator and the use of pronouns, but I didn't know how I'd explain that on my exam sheets… But since it was an open-book exam, I felt a little bit more comfortable and confident.

The exam took place and the first part was really easy: I had read the book two times in detail, making notes and studying them. After that, we had one hour for lunch (a good sandwich filled with a thick layer of "filet américain" is the best way to feed me in such circumstances). After that, we started what appeared to me to be the most difficult exam of my life. It would be too long to tell everything in detail, so I give you now just a couple of impressions. The first question was outrageously more simple than I thought: there were many clauses simplex (hence no need for analysis) and the few in the category "clause complex" were not as complicated as in the syllabus, except for one that was outrageously difficult, with a lot of subordinated clauses and everything. I read the second question, but my brain sent me a signal like those "ERROR 404" messages… I moved on to the last question. I filled boxes with the appropriate verbal processes and participants plus circumstances (if any) quite quickly, then I wrote a short text about the conclusions I could draw from such an analysis of verbal processes. That done, I had about two hours left to answer the second question, consisting in making the difference between types of reported speech in two given excerpts. However, I can't tell you a lot, for it's like a giant black hole in my memory. On the moment, I managed to fetch several arguments in the syllabus in favour of my analysis, but I don't know how I managed to do it right…

I was quite disappointed after my exam: I felt that my answers weren't really good and lacked precision… Nevertheless, I got 18 out of 20 for this exam. And I don't know how such a thing is possible. I'm looking forward to seeing my exam!



In conclusion, these two weeks (and a half) of exams was really exhausting, but my efforts were rewarded. Let's hope I can still work like that in June!

"The Force is strong with you, young Skywalker. But you aren't a Jedi yet." (Darth Vader, Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Today we got our results for the January exams, and as it is customary for me to reveal them once and for all (it's more economical than repeating them all the time), here they are:

• Linguistique anglaise II………………………………………………………………… 18
• Histoire des littératures et des civilisations anglophones II…………….. 16
• Histoire des littératures et des civilisations néerlandophones II……… 18

Note that I'm still waiting for another two marks (Dutch normative grammar and a German test).

This means that I got rid of three courses. There are no less than 8 other courses to take an exam for at the end of the year. That'll be a right kerfuffle.

Now some comments about those exams, as I promised three weeks ago. Today I deal with the first two, and the other three will be discussed tomorrow.

First of all, we had to take a kind of intermediate test in German, consisting of a conversation with our teacher, Mr Bertrand. During the test, we had to provide good forms of declined adjectives, plural of nouns, their genders, forms of verbs, etc. We also had to answer basic questions and tell something about a topic discussed in the workbook. All this was supposed to take just 20 minutes, just like a regular oral exam, but Mr Bertrand was so enthousiastic about talking with me that I talked with him during 35 minutes more or less.

The following exam, Histoire des littératures et des civilisations anglophones was to take place on 8 January, that's to say three days later. (Exceptionally, our German test had to take place on 4 January or 21 January due to schedule problems.) Before I started studying my course notes, during the two weeks of "holiday", I had already leart and worked on the paraphrases that we came across with Pr. Delabastita. It took me a considerable amount of time to type everything, but in that way I had already made a first approach to the fragments. So I read, re-read, re-re-read the course notes: that's my way of studying. At the same time, I made an outline of the authors and their works, plus their dates of birth and death. After three day's study, I started becoming crazy: I wanted to stop studying, but I couldn't: I felt the urge to study, even if I couldn't assimilate more.

That's maybe why I appeared in front of Pr. Delabastita in a less relaxed state than usual. He asked me: "How are you Simon?" and I answered: "Of course I am", because what I heard was: "Are you Simon?". I admit I have some audition problems when I'm anxious. I picked one of the many exam sheets and I prepared my answers in the nearby classroom. My questions were:

1. Identify this fragment and discuss it. [Fowles, The French Lieutenant's Woman, beginning of chapter 55.]
   
2. What are the origins, characteristics, most important authors, etc. of the gothic genre.
   

So when Benjamin, who preceeded me, had finished his exam, it was my turn to be judged. So I talked about the fragment, situating it, talking about the book, about metafiction, etc. Pr. Delabastita asked me a couple of questions to make my answers more precise or to reframe them — as usual. Then we moved on to the second question. I talked about The Castle of Otranto, Anna Radcliff's The Monk, Dickens, the Brontë sisters, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Dracula. But at that moment, I felt that my answers were not as satisfying as what I'm used to: I lacked precision, curiously. At the end, he asked me which link there was between Jane Austen and the gothic novel. I had absolutely no idea of such a thing: probably he had told it as a footnote during the class, but the fact was that I didn't remember. (Note that's the first time I couldn't find an answer, even a hypothesis.) This wouldn't affect my marks seriously, but I was sure I wouldn't get 18 like last year. Nevertheless, I was quite confident about a 15 or a 16, and the results prove I was right.

Tomorrow, I'll talk about Dutch normative grammar, Dutch history and literature, and English linguistics.



A rejoicing announcement: the Star Wars exhibition will come to Tour & Taxis, in Brussels, between 16 February and 1 June 2008. This exciting exhibition was first held in London, then in other famous places such as New York (Brooklin), Lisbon and Paris. I certainly will go and see it — and that will be the third time: I first saw it in London in 2001, then in Paris in 2005. Fortunately, the layout and the artifacts from the saga were quite different in both exhibitions, and we can expect it will again be the case in Brussels. Anyway, I envoy seeing those splendid costumes and miniature spacecraft and other silly things that only Star Wars freaks would worship.

May the Force be with you!

Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Deer Hunter

While I was doing my duty (i.e. taking my exams), my family had fun watching movies and series. They saw a film called The Deer Hunter, with Robert DeNiro and Christopher Walken — two actors I admire. My brother was so enthousiastic about it that he told me to watch an extract on YouTube: the Russian roulette scene.

Wikipedia summary:

The Deer Hunter (1978) is an Academy Award winning American film about a trio of Rusyn American steel worker friends and their infantry service in the Vietnam War. It is loosely inspired by the German novel Three Comrades (1937), by World War I army veteran Erich Maria Remarque, that follows the lives of a trio of World War I veterans in 1920s Weimar Germany. Like that novel, The Deer Hunter meditates and explores the moral and mental consequences of war violence and politically-manipulated patriotism upon the meaning of friendship, honor, and family in a tightly-knit community and deals with controversial issues such Drug Abuse, Suicide, Infidelity and Mental Illness.

I have to see the rest of the movie! My brother told me that there were other funny scenes, like the use of a flamethrower to get rid of enemies…

PS. Maybe you wonder why I wrote "funny" instead of "violent". That's maybe I find violent scenes funny… What kind of a freak am I???


Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: Ronald McDonald, seen as a dangerous criminal and sex addict, but also prime minister of Hell.

Ronald McDonald poses for the camera with his victim.

Here is Ronald's original look. He only had about 5 fans, so he changed his face for more fans...to eat. But will he change back? NAW!!!

F-word

A short compilation of the few moments when Father Jack talks in Father Ted:



Once, Ted managed to oblige Father Jack to answer any questions asked by the bishop by saying "That should be an ecumenical matter!":



Once, he also got sober:




Gobshite!

Hands Solo

Once again, I discovered by chance something really interesting:



This guy is actually playing the Cantina band music (composed by John Williams for Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope) by making his hands fart; he says his disciplin is called manualism. Of course, he's got a mike to amplify the volume, but still: he's very good at manualism.

(I hope you got the joke in the title: Han Solo/Hands solo… Silly, I know.)

Always look at the ground when you walk

Mr Bean apparently didn't follow my advice:



I haven't seen that movie yet, but when I see this scene, I'll necessarily think about the Sarlacc monster.

Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: a tour of Baghdad.

The Nostalgia Critic is back

For those you still don't know who TheNostalgiaCritic is, let's say that he's thatguywiththeglasses, a genius who came up with the idea of 5 second movies. A few days ago, he posted this interesting video:



I loved the door joke at the end.

He also posted a response to his own Cloverfield preview I talked about previously:

"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

This quote comes from Tim Burton's 1989 Batman:



This version, which I find extremelly good, opposed Michael Keaton to Jack Nicholson as the Joker. This year, though, a new version of the struggle between Batman and the Joker is to be released, namely The Dark Knight, the sequel to Batman Begins, with Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne and Heath Ledger as the Joker. Also returning: Michael Caine as Alfred, Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox and Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon. Here's the most awaited trailer:



That will be the last film Heath Ledger stars in, for he died on 22 January. That's a shame, because he was a very talented actor, as we all saw his performance in Brokeback Mountain, that film that gave rise to so many parodies.



Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: WTC.

Happy Gilmore: we want more!

Yesterday I gave you a small teaser about Happy Gimore, with Adam Sandler at the beginning of his career, before he plays in Big Daddy, the more romantic Punch-Drunk Love, the brillian Mr. Deeds and Anger Management with Jack Nicholson. He's also a well-known comedian in the US, being a Saturday Night Live cast member.

Since I don't have much time to write (because one of our professors thought we had nothing to do, so we were given a "delightful" project on linguistic landscapes), here's the Wikipedia plot summary that I enhance with scenes kindly posted on YouTube by benevolent people:

Happy (Adam Sandler) is an aspiring ice hockey player who masters a powerful slapshot that his father taught him as a child. However, his aggression and poor skating ability render it impossible for him to make any hockey team. His grandmother (Frances Bay), with whom he's lived almost all his life due to an unfortunate hockey related incident which killed his father, has not paid taxes on her home for several years. As such, she owes $275,000 to the IRS and the house that Happy's grandfather "built with his bare hands" is about to be repossessed. Due to a series of events that lead Happy to believe in his own ability to use his powerful slapshot in the game of golf, he joins the PGA Tour in order to win enough money to buy back his grandmother's house from the government.

Aspiring PGA Tour winner Shooter McGavin (Christopher McDonald) sees Gilmore as a threat, and tries to thwart any attempt of his to steal his thunder. Although his golf game and his manners on the green aren't rounded- his driving is excellent but he has trouble when it comes to putting-, Happy is guided by one-handed golf coach Chubbs Peterson (Carl Weathers) and the tour PR head (Julie Bowen), who help him in finding his own way to win tournaments with a cooler head. Although his time on the course is jeopardised when he goaded into attacking Bob Barker,

Happy manages to make some extra money by signing an endorsement deal with Subway, thus earning the $275,000 he needs to buy back his grandmother's house. The movie itself is actually promoted at many Subway resturaunts.

Unfortunately, at the auction, he is outbid by Shooter McGavin, who offers Happy the house under the terms that he in exchange quits the tour. Happy is persuaded to continue with his new golf career by the notion that his grandmother would rather see him succeed than have the house. Shooter agrees to give Happy the house if he beats him in the tour championship.

With some help from Chubbs and some lessons at the nearby Crazy Goly course, Happy improves his putting skills, but Chubbs subsequently dies in an accident. Determined to win the game for Chubbs, Happy goes head-to-head with Shooter, and- despite Shooter's attempts at sabotage…

… such as having a deranged fan drive onto the course and topple a TV tower in front of the last hole- wins the championship, becoming a pro golfer and in turn getting his grandmother's house back.

Before she got her house back, Happy's grandmother went to an institution for elderly people run by Ben Stiller:

— Sir, could I trouble you for a glass of warm milk: it helps put me asleep.
— You can trouble me for a glass of—shut the hell up! Now you'll go to sleep, or I will put you into sleep.

I love Ben Stiller's moustache. Not that I'd like to have one, but I find it funny. And by the way, Frances Bay (the grandma) played in a couple of episodes of Seinfeld, being the lady who gets stolen her rye bread.

Later in the film, Stiller uses his authority to oblige his residents to work for him:

— My fingers hurt…
— What's tha'?
— My fingers hurt.
— Well… oooh. Now, your back's gonna hurt, because you've just pulled landscaping duty…

Uncyclopedia's featured article: James Bond

Number of chicks that Bond has laid since you started reading this article:

Number of chicks dying of Bond's STD since you started reading this article:

“I like them shaken, not stirred.”

— James Bond on Bond Girls

“I hope you're not just another Russian girl whose name is a cheap sexual pun, Ms. Sukmeov.”

— James Bond on Bond Girls

“Ingenious, Q. It's a bomb, but it's also a rucksack.”

— James Bond on the originality of MI6 (British equivalent of the CIA)

“My name is Bond, James Emilio Ricardo Hernandez Gonzales Emanuel Bond.”

— James Bond on his Spanish heritage

“You have AIDS Mr. Bond. You've had it since the early 80's. You also have every STD known to man. Honestly, it's a medical miracle that you are still alive.”

— James Bond's Doctor on Jame Bond's junk

Happy Gilmore: some witty quotes

Watch this excerpt from Happy Gilmore, a tremendous movie in which I saw Adam Sandler for the first time:

— You're gonna beat me? At golf?!? Haha! Oh, you're on. You're in big trouble though, pal: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!
— You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?!
— Nooo… … …

So, this Shooter McGavin guy is a complete asshole, as you can see. He also threatens Richard Kiel, the guy who played the character of Jaws in some of the James Bond movies:



I'll tellk you more about the film tomorrow. This was just a kind of a teaser.



Uncyclopedia is full of wonderful animations, as you already know. I found this one pretty awesome. Its name was "Retardness".

It speaks for itself, huh?

Today's featured article: the One Ring.

Mac vs. PC

"Spécial dédicace" for Pitchou: he asked me to explain the differences between a Mac and a (Windows) PC. I think that these short advertisements deliver a clear message:



True that you always have to buy extra expensive items to enhance your PC — and I'm not even talking about upgrades…




Security problems are really annoying. Especially when you're subject to viruses:



Gesundheit! 114.000 viruses attacking PCs, none for Macs!




Did you catch the difference?




True that PCs crash pretty often, while Mac rarely do. (It happened only thrice with my iBook G4 in three years, and it was just my fault, not the computer's.) I find it pretty awkward that you've got to click on "Start" in order to turn off your computer… That's pretty dumb!

And as a special treat to my old Muppet friend Martin aka Waldorf, I found an old commercial that's a reference to George Orwell's 1984:




Even Bill Gates says Macs rule:

To create a new standard, it takes something that's not just a little bit different, it takes something that's really new and really captures people's imagination and the Macintosh, of all the machines I've ever seen, is the only one that meets that standard. (1984)

Thumbs up!!

It is quite a shame for PCs to have SEVERAL pages on Wikipedia about criticism of Microsoft (the whole company, I mean), while there are no such things for Macs… Well, you can only find this:

Apple has received criticism for not notifying users of system vulnerabilities until a fix is released,^[85] and has been accused of pressuring journalists to release their sources, with regards to leaked information about new Apple products.^[86] Apple also has received criticism for its iPhone and iPod integration with iTunes for not facilitating creation of software to run and maintain those devices using different applications tools besides iTunes.^[Source] Apple also has been investigated and criticized for possible sweatshop conditions in factories in China where contract manufacturers make its iPod.^[Source] Apple also has received criticism and two class-action lawsuits at both state and federal level about its iPhone product only allowed service through AT&T and the recent software update that made the iPhone useless if it was to be unlocked using a different tool that cited monopolistic and antitrust allegations between the two companies.^[89]

Basically, these are just legal issues. They are indeed to be condemned, but as far as the computers are concerned, it doesn't matter a lot. Quite the contrary, here are the links to criticism on Microsoft products:

• For criticism of Windows Vista, see Criticism of Windows Vista
• For criticism of Windows XP, see Criticism of Windows XP
• For criticism of Windows 2000, see the criticism section of the Windows 2000 article
• For criticism of Windows Me, see the criticism section of the Windows Me article
• For criticism of Windows 9x, see the criticism section of the Windows 9x article
• For criticism of Internet Explorer, see Criticism of Internet Explorer
• For criticism of Microsoft Office, see the criticism section of the Microsoft Office article

To finish with, why wouldn't you read this Uncyclopedia entry on Scientology. Some quotes to give you an idea:



“Whoa... I must have been so high.” — L. Ron Hubbard

“I'd say it's horse shit, but I've never seen a horse's ass that big.” — Oscar Wilde on Space Opera in Scientology

“Scientology is the stupidest thing i've ever heard of .” — 99.99999999999% of the population of the universe on scientology

“ROFL” — God

“LMAO” — Buddha

“I once did scientology, but they never called me back.” — Oscar Wilde

Mac Rules

What can you do apart from saying "Aaaahhhhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"? And wait, watch the guided tour:



Ok, this laptop doesn't have an optical drive, but the wireless technology sorts out the problem quite simply by accessing an optical drive of another computer ("Remote Disc" function). I admit it's a little bit insane. Basically, this laptop is wonderful if you just want to have the world's thinnest notebook, but apart from that, I don't see the point in making it so thin that you don't even have an optical drive… What if you're on a train and want to watch a DVD? You're kind of pissed off.

PS. It will be in sale in a couple of weeks' time on Apple Store; prices starting at €1700.

I found those silly animations on Uncyclopedia, and I just wanted to show them to you…

And this one, about Darth Ratzi, aka Satan Claus:

Santa Claus, pleading to the Soviets after an exploding cigar vaporized his beard

One word: ROFL.

Téléchat

Who remembers watching this?



These were the opening credits of the first series of Téléchat, a Belgian-French TV show meant for kids, created in the early 1980s by the late Roland Topor and Henry Xhonneux. The format was that of a pseudo TV news bulletin, with silly reports; absurd humour and nonsense are the main ingredients of this show. Here's an episode:



It also gave rise to a popular crappy series, Léguman:

(Beware, it's completely kitschy)



And advertisements with Pub-Pub:



And here are the end credits:



And for the second series, another presenter, GTI (Grégoire de la Tour d'Ivoire), was introduced:



I never liked the new opening credits… Anyway, if you know this series, please let me know.

And as would Grouchat say: Chalut, à demain si on veut bien !

PS. Notice that Philippe Dumat (most known for voicing over Obi-Wan Kenobi in Episodes IV, V and VI of Star Wars, but also Gargamel in the Smurfs cartoons) lent his voice to the phone and the iron, but also the "gluon du trou".

PPS. Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: the Have-nuke-istan. To give you an idea:

Have-nuke-istan, officially The People's Democratic Republic of Have-nuke-istan (Have-nuke-istanian: Have-nuke-istan), is a small, dirty country where the men are bald, the women are bearded, and the children are below average. Current intelligence suggests that Have-nuke-istan is not located in the United States of America, which means that the country is simultaneously below contempt and extremely dangerous/evil. Despite its name, there is no indication that Have-nuke-istan possesses any nuclear weapons; in fact, "Have-nuke-istan" is Have-nuke-istanian for "Up yours, Russia."

The article about Ghettoistan is not bad, too. Fragment:

Number of Non-Muslim Ghettoistanis beheaded since you began reading this article:

Loading database... 

Cloverfield

After a two-weeks exam session, it's now time for me to write a little bit more on this blog. Being on "holiday" for the next week will allow me to surf the Internet a little bit more than usual, watching crappy videos on YouTube, but also reading articles on UNCYCLOPEDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I discovered this website about one week ago, and since then, I've made incredible discoveries. Basically, it's the un-Wikipedia, the corrupted version of it, without any single piece of reliable information. … Or maybe it is actually reliable. No one knows actually… Anyway, my point is to tell you that henceforth (I like that word), I shall be featuring at least one Uncyclopedia article in every blog entry I post here. (Because I don't think it'd be appropriate to do that on germ@namur…)

So, since today is 18 January 2008, I had to write a few words about this Internet phenomenon (I mean as for the advertising campaign based on speculations) nicknamed Cloverfield. But what can I say more about it? I haven't seen the film (obviously). Maybe you can read the Uncyclopedia article about it.

If you read other articles, you'll notice not only that most of them criticize Jesusland (that is to say the United States), but also that they feature so-called Oscarwildeizsms. What I like most about Uncyclopedia are the twisted pictures. Wanna see Mr Bean when he was a toddler? Click here. He's got some uncanny resemblance with the Spanish Prime Minister Zapatero. I'm sure Bruno will confirm.

Today's featured article is devoted to chavs. (YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!) I came up with this idea today, during the break between the two parts of the English grammar exam, watching through the window and peeking at dozens of young teenagers smoking and spitting on the pavement, and having a typical outfit and behaviour. But let's go back to chavs, now. As I'm too lazy to invent a proper definition, I just quote this, from the Wikipedia entry:

Chav, also Charv/Charver and Chavette (pronounced /ʧæv/, with 'ch' as in chair) are mainly derogatory slang terms in the United Kingdom for a subcultural stereotype fixated on fashions such as imitation gold, poorly made jewellery and fake designer clothing (often Burberry), combined with elements of working class British street fashion. The term appeared in mainstream dictionaries in 2005.^[1][2]

There are regional variations; in North East England (particularly in the Sunderland and Newcastle upon Tyne areas) the variant charv or charver/charva is most commonly used and has been used since the early 1990s, while in the south east chav and chavette are the usual forms. What is unusual is that the vowel in charver is ɑ: (as in 'far') and the mainstream UK equivalent uses the æ (as in 'cat') vowel in chav which goes against the usual North-South (a:/æ) vowel distinction.^[3]

The defining features of the chav clothing is the Burberry pattern (notably a now-discontinued baseball cap) and from a variety of other casual and sportswear brands. Tracksuits, hoodies, track suit bottoms and baseball caps are particularly associated with this stereotype. Response to the term has ranged from amusement to criticism that it is a new manifestation of classism.^[4] The term has also been associated with juvenile delinquency, the "ASBO Generation", "Hoodie culture", and "Yob culture".

So, it must look like this:


And his car, the Chavrolet:


Basically, it's what we call "Ronny" in Wallonia, the female counterpart being a "Ronnette". The Ronny is to be distinguished from the barakî, who is older, fatter and often poorer. In France, a Ronny is a Jacky (and his female is a Jackette) or a "racaille", and in Flanders they apparently call them Johnny and Marina.

But what do they say about them in the Uncyclopedia entry? A few witty quote, first:

"The Chav is proof that evolution has gone wrong. Unfortunately, it is also proof that survival of the fittest is comlpetely wrong. If I was right about that, none of them would make it past 20."
— Charles Darwin

"Amazing creatures! They rival the chimpanzee with their use of simple tools and basic language!"
— Jane Goodall

And the Un-definition:

Chavvus Blingus) is a 'species' closely related to the American Wigger (Homo Phobius) or Gangsta (Homo Blingius), the Scottish Ned or Gadgie (Homo Gadgness) the Australian Bogan (Homo Boganis), the Irish Scanger (Homo Retardus), the Finnish Pissis (Homo Pissisus), the Russian Gopnik (Homo Gopnikitus), the Romanian Cocalar (Homo Cockalarus), and the Singaporean Ah Beng (Homo Chankeus) all of whom being distantly related off-shoots of the human race (Homo Burberey capius). The French word for chav is "racaille" or "caillera" (whereas the worldwide term is generally 'Prick').

Here are some of the lines that made me roll on the floor:

The chav has become far too common, for they breed like filthy, filthy rabbits. Not enough people have been firing fireworks at them in the street lately, and so they have begun to grow out of control. Hated by a good portion of humanity,(the other portion just enjoys making money out of them), these creatures are easily distinguishable; they tend to gather in groups in towns, particularly shopping precincts; they talk some kind of bastard dialect of their own devising, the most important words being ‘innit and nar’.

Somehow the female side of the species decides to follow these 'Hard Gangsta's' around and constantly help spread around various STI's, mostly Syphilis, AIDS, Herpes & Chlomedia. This behavious is used to keep the 'Gangsta Number' (population) of the male chavs at bay. Despite this, the chav population is still on the increase.

Helpful Chav to English Translations (Click here to see a handy guide to chav speech)

One of them, King Michael, won £9 million thanks to the lottery… I'm gonna stop here: I think it was fun enough for today. Or maybe just watch this ad:



I don't think that the Lego Group thought that there could be ambiguity…

Carlos

The famous French singer Carlos, born Yvan Chysostome (!) Dolto, son of the well-known psychoanalyst Françoise Dolto, died today, aged 64. I remember him not for his songs — I'm not what we can call a music freak, as you've probably already noticed — but for a cartoon in which he starred, simply called "Les Aventures de Carlos"… Beware! It's totally silly, with a certain "mamie têtard"…



Boula boulaaaaaaa !!!!! (*Nostalgic sigh*)

Please drop a comment if you know this cartoon!!!!

A bit of violence in this peaceful world

With Itchy and Scratchy, of course!



Nice best of!

Atmosphere, biosphere… Legosphere!

Despite many attempts to do so, I never managed to make a sphere with Lego bricks. Perhaps it was because I was relying on a single picture, and also because it was too big and I needed bricks. But a YouTuber made my day:



I don't have those black multiangle bricks, but I think that, when I have time (probably in July), I'll make such a sphere. But not one like this one:


If there are Lego nerds among you, you can browse on Google to find interesting websites that tell you how to make a sphere and other constructions.

Gumball sorter

This video was promoted yesterday on YouTube, so I wanted to show it to you too:



It's totally useless, but it's well done.

In the same genre, you have this one:



Maybe just a little bit too complicated: it would take less time to sort the balls yourself…

And this one, kind of funny:



Unfortunately, I don't think that we have such types of toilet flushes in Belgium and probably in the rest of Europe… (Admit that it's weird to have different sorts according to the country. The same goes for door handles that become doorknobs in the USA… Weird, isn't it?)

What a waste of time!

No, the title doesn't refer to the blogging activity (Ok, a little bit, but still), but to this video I found I don't know how:



Well done, but such a big effort for a second of fun… But admit it's well done. The chap gives some hits about his motivation to do such a thing:

Starry Potter and the Philosopher Hope

Before starting (well, in fact, this is already the start…), I signal that this blog entry is (again) only suitable to people who have already seen Star Wars. Those who haven't not only need to get cultivated and watch them asap, but shouldn't waste their time watching and reading what follows, because otherwise they'd understand nothing at all.

First, if you did see Star Wars, it might be interesting to watch the original trailer of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (released in 2001).



Great music by John Williams. And very good film, though I prefered the third and fifth films in the Harry Potter franchise. Now let's watch this video showing clips from Star Wars to correspond the trailer's text:



Brilliant montage — just like what I featured the other day, namely the crossover between The Departed and Star Wars.

The line I like most is that of Snape (Alan Rickman), but here "said" by Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid)… "Mr Potter……… our…… new……… celebrity."

And whenever I'll watch Episode IV, I'll always have that "Troooooooooooll in the dungeon!!" quote in mind…

"Not all wizards are good…" --> It reminds me of that crossover between the dialogue Vader/Luke from Empire Strikes Back scene and the confrontation Voldemort/Harry in The Goblet of Fire, which I featured several months ago.



If you know both Star Wars and Harry Potter, admit this is great!

"Are you having a laugh?"

(The title quotes the character of Andy Millman, a crappy comedian played by Ricky Gervais in his series, Extras. In the second season, Millman managed to have his own s(h)itcom, namely When the Whistle Blows. His character has not only a wig, but also a catchphrase: "Are you having a laugh? Is he having a laugh?")

I had the idea of googling "Lada jokes" on Google, and here are some great jokes I found on a website about these crappy cars of which Jeremy Clarkson made fun in an episode of Top Gear, remember.



You don't need to read all of them (obviously: one should not have too much of a good thing…).

Q: Which is the biggest society of belivers?.
A: The Lada owners, they all belive they have a car!

Q: What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's Witness?
A: You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness.

Did you hear about the bloke who had his Lada broken into?
The thieves put him a radio in!

Q: What do you call a Lada going up a hill?
A: A bloody miracle.

Somewhere in the middle of Spain, a Lada is driving along and meets a donkey.
The donkey, never having seen a Lada before, asks: "What are you?"
The Lada says "I am a car. What are you?"
The donkey says "Hahahaha... If you're a car, I'm a horse!"

Heard of Lada's new turbo model?
It has pedals in the backseat, too!

Q: How do you make a Lada worth twice as much?
A: You fill up the gas tank.

Q: Why is the Lada's rear window heated?
A: So the hands of the people pushing it will not freeze.

Q: How do you make a Lada disappear?
A: You spray it with rust remover!

A Lada can reach a speed of 125 mph… if it's transported on the railway!

Did you know that the Lada's instruction book contains 500 pages?
There are two pages with information about the car and 498 pages with bus and train timetables.

Q: Why do insurance companies enjoy Lada's?
A: They are never stolen.

Q: Why is there light under the Lada's bonnet?
A: So you can fix it 24 hours a day.

Q: There is a new 16 valve Lada.
A: It has 8 in the engine, and 8 in the radio.

My cousin was unemployed. Then he became a Lada salesman.
He is still unemployed, but now we understand why

Q: Do you know what all the Lada owners are dreaming about?
A: Getting a ticket for speeding.

From a newspaper: To the man who stole my Lada in 20 degrees of frost.
Keep the Lada, but please tell me how you started it!

Did you know that there are only two men working in the Lada factory?
One with scissors and one with glue.

Q: Do you know what the trip counter in the Lada says when it's passing 20,000 miles?
A: Game Over!

Q: What's the difference between a Lada and a golf ball?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 metres.

--> Brilliant, but impossible to translate that into French!

Q: What do you call a Lada that starts first time?
A: A novelty.

Q: What do you call a Lada that overtakes you?
A: A mirage.

Q: What to you call a Lada with brakes?
A: Customised.

A couple of French jokes:

Q : Pourquoi deux conducteurs de Lada se reconnaissent immédiatement lorsqu'ils se rencontrent ?
R : Ils se sont vus le matin au garage.

Q : Combien peux-tu mettre de personnes dans une Lada ??
R : Tout dépend de la taille de la dépanneuse.

Scorsese rules

I want to talk to you guys about this wonderful film I saw nearly two weeks ago, The Departed, by Martin Scorsese:



Ok, this video was The HeFarted… "Intended for MATURE audiences", indeed.

Let's be serious. Or kind of: here's the fucking short version of the movie:

!!!!! SPOILER !!!!! (It means: do not watch it unless you've already seen the movie and know the plot.)



There are lots of brilliant real lines, such as:



And for Star Wars fans, if any, they might like to watch this trailer of The Departed, but with an editing of Star Wars shoots from the six films.



See you tomorrow!

Had I time enough… (and money!)

I told you several months ago about my passion for Lego bricks and I featured a picture of the biggest set ever, containing not less than 5195 pieces: the Ultimate Collector's Millenium Falcom™ from the second Star Wars trilogy. This spacecraft specially designed for Star Wars and Lego freaks (this includes me, obviously) was released in November, with a limited edition with an "authenticity certificate" signed by some head of Lucasfilm licencing or something like that. Now, the set is still available on the Lego online shop, but without the card (who cares?) The point is that I wanted to show you what it's like to build such a huge thing in Lego bricks. Check this wonderful video:



We have nearly 6 minutes in stop-motion, and the video's maker says on the YouTube page that it took him 37 hours over 11 days! Had I time enough! And money, indeed: €550. And the most surprising is that the prizes vary considerably in countries that don't use the euro as currency:

• United Kingdom --> £350 ≈ €525
• Switzerland --> CHF780 ≈ €490
• United States --> $500 ≈ €340
• Belgium --> €550…!!! Outrageous!

Perhaps in another life.

A gastronomical journey

We can find all sorts of re-cut versions of famous movies on YouTube. I have already shown you some of them in the past couple of days. Today, I propose you a gastronomical journey in Francis Ford Coppola's Apocalypse Now:



You see now why this is gastronomical?

And since we're busy with this film, let's watch one of the most famous quotes:



Brilliant! I've got to check out if other movies can be given such a twist. I had already found some goodies about Star Wars, namely Fart Wars. There, I've just found this new one about The Lord of the Rings:





PS. I'll tell you about my exams when they are all finished. I already took the German oral one last Friday, and today I was examined on English literature from 1660 to present day. I have a good feeling about both of them. More about that later!
PPS. I know I still have to write about days 2 and 3 of our trip to Amsterdam; I'll think about it, but it takes time to upload pictures and everything.

Brokeback… Jaws

After "Brokeback to the Future" and such parodies I've already shown you, there's "Brokeback Jaws", a spoof on Steven Spielberg's masterpiece, Jaws:



Nice work, isn't it?

"Shining" revised…

… or how it is possible to make a comedy out of a horror film:



It's a little bit like that Mary Poppins trailer, but the other way round…