"The face of the world would have been different if…"

… they had another haircut.

Yeah, I know that the end of the sentence in the title should have been "… she didn't have that nose", talking about Cleopatra. But I put a twist to this sentence just in order to announce the topic of this article: incongruent hairstyles applied to celebrities. Here are the finest examples that my mother sent me several month ago. (Note that we're obsessed with awful hairstyles such as the famous combover and the not-less-famous mullet. Have fun with:


— George Clooney and his sexy combover (Julia Roberts is surely one of those women who fall in love men like that)


— Mel Gibson and his combover/toupee (imagine Martin Riggs in The Lethal Weapon with that very haircut)


— Brad "Combover" Pitt (do you really think he'd have seduced Angelina Jolie if he'd had such a haircut?)


— Jack "Here's… Johnny!" Nicholson with Jean-Pierre Van Rossem's hair (the Joker in Tim Burton's Batman would have never been credible, nor in Kubrick's Shining)


— Elvis "The King" Prestley gone disco (maybe he'd have looked like that if he was an adept of disco, not of rock 'n roll)


— Donald Trump with a regular hairstyle, instead of his "combover-from-the-back", even though this looks rather like a toupee (without his peculiar hairstyle, he'd probably not be that famous)


— John Paul II (yeah, the famous punk rockstar, I'm sure you'll recognize him; of course, this is a picture after his disco phase…)


— Hugh Heffner (you know, the
Playboy guy; fortunately, he won't appear in his magazine with this hairstyle)


— The Fellowship would have been different: Sam (Sean Astin) balding, Frodo (Elijah Wood) gone Yul Brynnerish and Pippin (Billy Boyd) hired for the sequel of Dumb and Dumber…

"I come back to you now, at the turn of the tide" (Gandalf the White, The Two Towers)

Yep, I've come back from holiday. I'm slowly recovering from two weeks without the Internet, so don't expect me to write a lot in this blog for the next week. Of course, I'll give you a summary of my stay in Westende and I'll tell you about my trips on my bicycle (roughly 450 km, that is to say three times as much as last summer!). Besides, I still have to tell you about my exams, even if it is possible for you to read my results below.

Watch this little gem (from the Monty Python's Holy Grail)

"You did well, Anakin…"

I know this blog has suffered some delay due to the exams, but I've been slowly filling the gaps for a week. Unfortunately, I'm going on holyday tomorrow, so I won't be able to post any message on this blog until 15 July.

By the way, we got the results of our exams. Here's what the "official" (i.e. a simple black and white A4-sheet) document states:
– Histoire du Moyen Âge : 16/20
– Introduction générale à la philosophie : 18/20
– Sciences religieuses : 14/20
– Stylistique et maîtrise de la langue anglaise : 18/20
– Stylistique et maîtrise de la langue néerlandaise : 15/20
– Linguistique anglaise : 17/20
– Linguistique néerlandaise : 15/20
– Histoire des littératures et des civilisations anglophones : 18/20
– Histoire des littératures et des civilisations néerlandophones : 18/20
– Analyse de textes anglophones : 17/20
– Analyse de textes néerlandophones : 17/20
Résultat : la Plus Grande Distinction
Moyenne : 16,64/20

Yeah! With the greatest fulfilment! That's SO rare to get that! Needless to say that I'm extremely happy!

The Barraki Strike Back

We can reasonably assume that this product's designers didn't think of the resemblance between Barraki ("les monstres des profondeurs") and our Walloon barakî ("les gros paumés des villes"), whose British counterparts are "chavs", and American "rednecks". But also Flemish "Johnny's and Marina's", by the way.

Rescue Me: "He's playing for the other team!"

Here's another fragment from the third series. The probie, Mike, isn't really sure about his sexual orientation, but in the third series, he lives with a man who wants him to publicly announce that he's gay. That's why the boyfriend goes to the fire station where he works to reveal that Mike is gay and that he wants to go to another fire station, because he's fed up with being called "probie" and treated like a rookie. Unfortunately, the guy talks to Garrity, who is — need I tell you? — is the dumb one in the firefighters team. He'll do a mess of things, as usual.



Lou's reaction is awesome, Franco's too. The meeting afterwards mirrors the daily routine of the firefighters that are friends with the hero, Tommy. And I haven't told you about his family, yet. There's a lot to say about them, e.g. the father, an old impotent firefighter who hates his family…

Rescue Me: Buttons

Rescue Me is a series I'm currently watching on BeTV — in fact, they're going to broadcast the last episode of the third season next week. Basically, it's a post-9/11 series about a group of firefighters with the New York City Fire Department. Among them, Tommy Gavin (Denis Leary — yeah, with 1 "n") and a bunch of friends including the dumb one (Sean Garrity), the probie — probationary firefighter (Mike Silletti), the philosopher (Lou)… and so on.

In the following extract, coming from the third series, an accident between a car and a horse open sleigh has just happened.



Silly, wasn't it?

My Dutch Proficiency Exam (2): Oral Part

My oral exam was to take place at 4 p.m., but I took the bus at 3 o'clock, because I don't trust the T.E.C. (Transports en commun, i.e. the Walloon bus system). I had a talk with some friends who were waiting for their turn, but also with those who had just seen today's juges: Ms Evie Tops (our Proficiency teacher, who by the way wrote a PhD about the different ways of pronouncing the sound "r" in Flanders) and Mr Luk Van Mensel (who gave us pronunciation practise during the second term).

Basically, we had to be able to talk about issues discussed in the syllabus, e.g. the media in Flanders and in the Netherlands. It wasn't difficult.

The exam was pretty easy. I entered the classroom at 4 o'clock (sharp) and they made me comfortable. They asked me a couple of questions about my portfolio (a dossier we all had to made up, consisting of newsarticles, etc. and the account of things that we had done in order to be more familiar with the Dutch language outside the classroom; I had a 200+ pages portfolio, due to the Internet articles and so on). I talked about Belgian politics and stadsdichters (a kind op poet laureate for a big city such as Antwerp), too. I talked about a lot of things, but I can't remember precisely.

At the end of the exam, they told me it was good (except for a few grammatical mistakes which will disappear in the long term) and I just have to practise in order to correct my pronunciation (word stress level).

My Dutch Proficiency Exam (1): Written Part

Today's exam was about writing skills, spelling, listening and reading comprehension. Ms Laurence Mettewie was in charge of it (even if she didn't taught us the course) and was helped by Ms Ann-Lien Lievens.

We started with the listening comprehension, a test that I feared. I had good reasons for being afraid: at the end of the first semester, our Dutch Proficiency teacher, Evie Tops, gave us the opportunity to take last year's listening comprehension exam. I got 6/8 for a Flemish fragment from Het journaal (Flemish news), but I only got 2/10 for an extract from the Dutch NOS-journaal. I had to pay extra attention to it. That is the reason why I had been watching Dutch programmes throughout the whole second semester. I admit that I wasn't so fond of the Dutch accent (even though I can spoof it), but I forced myself and then I think I got used to it.

But this time would be different. We had 2 Dutch and 1 Flemish fragments. What a kerfuffle! We listened to it three times, and it wasn't really difficult to understand the message, but as to the subtleties of that long train of speech… The Dutch speak too fast. And I don't say that because I live in a region where we usually speak slower (as is the case of South Limburg, I think), but because they really do! THEY SPEAK TOO FAST! And that is the reason why I didn't know which answer I had to choose in that evil MCQ… We were provided with options that were just as good as any other… All the words were said in the report… "Which one(s) must I pick?" I thought. It was painful for me, but I had to choose at random. I had one or two chances out of five to pick the good answer…

I just hope that this listening comprehension won't ruin my overal exam: if, for any of the parts of the exam, we had a mark lower than 8/20, we had that mark for the whole Proficiency exam. A big threat, I can assure you… Especially if you think that you did quite well the rest of the exam… I really hope I got 9/20 at least, so that I didn't mess up with that exam. I would be really upset.

Yeah, the rest of the exam was pretty easy:

– the vocabulary test (2000+ words to study, and we were asked on two dozens of them, two of which weren't even in our books!…)
– the reading comprehension wasn't that tough
– the spelling test was tricky but I think I have 85% of good answers
– finally, the writing exam was made up of two main questions — writing an email on basis of the response to that email (silly) and writing a short essay on superstitions.

It was 5.30 p.m. when I got out of the lecture room. I had a little chat with some friends, then I got back to my digs. I had stuff to study for tomorrow's oral exam.

Supergran Is Back

In a previous post, I told you about one of my favourite series ever: Supergran, about a granny struck by a ray which made her extremely powerful, allowing her to tackle crime in the fictional town of Chiselton, as we can see it in the opening credits.



Someone was brave enough to post the closing titles on YouTube, with the full version of the theme tune by the famous British singer Billy Connolly. Enjoy!

Stand back Superman, Iceman, Spiderman, Batman and Robin too,
Don't wanna cause a ruckus with B.A. Baracus have I got a match for you,
She makes them look like a bunch of fairies, she's got more bottle than United Dairies,
Hang about, look out for Supergran.

You can stick your heroes, your Robert De Niroes, your Al Pacinoes too,
Lex Galone [Comment: no trace of him on the Internet; that must be a joke] is just another phoney, she couldn't lace her shoes,
After her they're all big girls' blouses, got more front than a row of houses,
Hang about, look out for Supergran.

She's a serious granny, a serious granny,
She'll do the things that you never saw your granny do…

(Scunner Campbell):
Is there nothing that she cannot do?

Hang about, look out for Supergran.

Wowser

My childhood is rooted in cartoons, as you already know it. Wowser was one of the many series I grew up with. Unfortunately, they (RTBF) broadcast it only once round 1991-1992. I only have one episode left on a tape, and I admit I occasionally watch it. (Nothing to be ashamed of.) In French, it's called Cubitus; the character was created by Dupa (aka the late Jean Dupanloup). I found the credits, a song sung by the French dubbing comedian and actor Jacques Balutin, most known for dubbing Starsky in Starsky & Hutch, but also Jim Varney in the Ernest series. (And note that Cubitus's voice was that of Pierre Tornade, who was also Obelix's voice.) I hope you enjoy it. If some of you remember this cartoon, please please tell me. I wanna know if I'm not the only one who watched this programme.



And here's the Dutch version, Dommel:



Note that the music is different. Here are the lyrics:

Kijk daar heb je Semafoor,
met z'n vriendje Dommel
Samen gaan ze het leven door,
en maken heel wat rommel
Dommel is rond, hij eet heel graag,
snoepjes, ijs en botten
Hij doet wat Semafoor hem vraagt,
en laat zich soms bedotten
Hier is Dommel, gekke hond
Heel dik, wit en rond
Vrolijk, lief en trouw
Hij heeft een hart van goud
Dommel is verbaasd
Als zijn baas weer iets uitvindt,
waar hij het nut niet van ziet
Dommel heeft soms haast
Als ie moet helpen,
en hij het liefst eten zou
Dommel lacht heel gauw
Houdt van het leven,
en hij kent zelden verdriet
Dommel is heel trouw
Je kunt op hem bouwen
Hij heeft... een hart van goud

And oh yeah, the cartoon was made in Japan, hence the unusual visuals.

A Glimpse On Belgian Politics

Today, I went to vote for thee general elections. Not only because I had to (voting is compulsory in Belgium), but because I think it is necessary that one can directly express his/her choice as to those who are going to rule the country. (Or not, if you vote for the losers…) I'm not going to talk about politics here, but I just wanted to show you this video, coming from a show broadcast last Friday, at the end of which the presidents of the four main democratic parties in Wallonia had to present another president with something. Here's what it looks like:



What an debate. I very much appreciated Elio Di Rupo's comment on Didier Reynders's comment:

Joëlle Milquet:
Un petit kit de super magicien, puisque je pense que Didier Reynders, en termes d'illusionnisme, a beaucoup de talent : il est parvenu à nous dire que 883 millions — excusez-moi, je le dis quand même — ce n'était pas grand-chose ; il est parvenu à essayer de dire qu'on était scotché au PS alors que ça fait 8 ans qu'il l'est, et il est presque parvenu à faire croire qu'il était dans l'opposition en sortant de son propre gouvernement, et donc je trouve qu'il y a tout le mode d'emploi, et j'espère qu'il en fera bon usage en attendant les élections…

Didier Reynders:
Toutes les couleurs y sont, et comme on ne devrait pas être agressif ce soir — monsieur le demandait — je vais effectivement l'utiliser ; quand j'en aurai bien compris les règles et le fonctionnement, je l'offrirai au nouveau Collège de Charleroi.

Johanne Montay:
À vous M. Di Rupo, votre cadeau.

Elio Di Rupo:
Ben écoutez, voilà, j'ai appris il y a quelques heures que je devais offrir un cadeau, et donc — et vous l'avez vu, son dernier mot a encore été désobligeant — et donc j'ai voulu remettre à M. Reynders quelques produits qui rendent extrêmement calme, pour rester zen, zen et garder son sang froid, donc je le remets bien volontiers…

Didier Reynders:
Oh mais c'est avec plaisir… [Comment: Mon cul !]

Elio Di Rupo:
… deux trois produits homéopathiques, quelques tisanes et tout ça ; et pour mes collègues…

(…)

Jean-Michel Javaux:
— On s'en fout de mon cadeau, ou quoi ?

My "Analysis of English Texts" Exam

Today the "Analyse de textes anglophones I" exam took place. Due a change of venue, we had to go to a lecture room in the Law Faculty. Some of us came in completely wet, due to a shower — it was pouring outside; I had arrived just before it started. The second-year studens were taking their exams at the same time, in the same lecture room, so that we were sit in such a way that we didn't have a fellow student in front of us.

The exam started at 9.00 a.m. when we all got the exam sheets. Our professor, Dirk Delabastita was helped by Ruth. Since this was an open-book exam, we had the syllabus, the theory, and the two books we had to read (i.e. Dracula by Bram Stoker) at our disposal.

The exam consisted in a reletively short list of questions, but we had to give fairly lengthy answers.

First question: recognizing fragments (i.e. give the title and the author), and situate the extract in the story. Thanks to the lay out and the lettertype of the fragments, it was quite (too) easy to find out where they came from, then to contextualize them briefly. I only fear I wrote too much.

Second question: we had to link these fragments to 6 different concepts that we came across in the theory. It wasn't so clear at first, but I think I managed to do it correctly, with a few sentences to explain my choice.

Third question: on basis of an extract from The Shawl by Cynthia Ozick, we had to underline the lines where the technique of external or internal narration was used, and then briefly explain why we did so and where there is place for doubt.

Fourth question: writing an essay comparing It Happened So Quickly by Enid Blyton and The Story-Teller by Saki. Those two stories weren't that difficult; just finding what was relevant to compare in those two stories forced me to write a draft of my answer to the question — which had to have the shape of an essay.

All that took me roughly three hours, plus another 30 minutes to re-read carefully and to add here and there several words and to correct a few spelling mistakes. (And I realized later that I wrote "biaised" instead of "biased". Fool me.) And notice that we didn't get a single question about Dracula…

I was quite exhausted when I gave my exam to Ruth. And I was hungry. When I got out of the lecture room, I had a little talk with some friends, and then I walked to my dad's car. We drove back to the Carmel (where I live) to take some stuff (e.g. clothes, books) home. In fact, I had to go back to Aubel because I had to go and vote tomorrow. At least, I had a proper meal tonight! (Instead of an fryed sausage with a small quantity of rice…) I talked a lot with my parents and my brother, about the exams and many facts in the news, mostly everything that had something to do with the federal elections.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Fart

As long as we're talking about farting parodies, why not watch this one?



Brilliant!

Oh, and there's a second one:

Another Version of Fart Wars

There's a sound which comes from this scene of Dumb and Dumber, when Lama Su sits down. Too silly. I want more!

They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard!

I'm not fond of techno music or what do you call it, but this is an exception, because it's a parody…



Legolas: They're taking the Hobbits to Isengard!

Gollum: What did you say?

Celeborn: Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him.

Legolas: A Balrog of Morgoth.

Gollum: What did you say?

Gollum: Stupid fat Hobbit!

The Empire Farts Back

Here's another gem:



It's just perfect! Oh, and by the way, why don't you watch this:



There are less farts, but at least you get to see one of the most famous scenes of Star Wars - Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, with here Mark Hamill as Luke and Frank Oz as Yoda.

My Dutch Grammar Exam…

Today, big day for Dutch Grammar, or Taalkunde, as we call it. It was to take place at 2 pm. We entered the lecture room where the exam sheets had been carefully laid, so that there were at least two seats between each student. Mrs Mettewie (who gives Taalkunde was the only teacher present, Mrs Hendrix being giving class in Maastricht at the same time.

The first part consisted of a bunch of MCQs with options ranging from really simple to really difficult, but I think I managed to find 70% of good answers. Then, we had to define or explain concepts from the course, which is basically a summary of the book De 11 hoofdstukken van de zin, written by Hans Bennis (see picture on the left). This book, as you can see it on the left, has got the most terrible cover ever printed… Maybe Bennis painted it. Painting and Grammar are two separate disciplins, aren't they? Anyway, the book is crappy, full of things that seem useless for us students, who just want to be able to communicate in the (Dutch in the present case) language we learn, not studying concepts that we'll eventually forget. (I already have.)

Anyway.

The second part was about testing our knowledge of the real grammar, e.g. use of modal verbs, etc. Sometimes, it was really difficult to chose the good nuance among the options, or to determinate if a given sentence was grammatically correct.

Now, it's behind my back. I can now work on Analyse de textes anglais I.

To Be Continued =>>>

Fart Wars — Episode I: The Farting Menace

I don't think I have to explain. It's quite explicit…



It's so funny! The farting sounds do correspond with the facial expressions and movements!

"Give Me Back My Damn Cereal!!!"

One of my subscriptions on YouTube is guywiththeglasses. He's responsible for some of the "[Film] in 5 seconds" that are featured in my "Favourite Movies" section on the left of this blog. Now, he decided to do this sketch.



I think you underestimated my powers!

I guess he was quite upset when he discovered that his favourite cereals had underwent a change…

My Religious Sciences Exam…

Normally, I should have taken the Religious Sciences exam (an oral one in front of Father Jean-Pierre Laurent, whose picture stands on the left), but I haven't. The reason is that throughout the year, we could assemble a "dossier" with essays about an analysis of some biblical text or obscure writing. It was said that it was very difficult to pass for this dossier, but I managed to get 14/20. What a relief!

It means that I didn't have to take the oral exam, since the students who got more than 12/20 for their dossiers were free to take the exam or not. I chose for the first option, because I wanted to have as much time as possible to prepare for my Dutch Grammar exam, on 4 June.

I'm glad I didn't have to study the course, because it was really badly lectured: he was speaking at ludicrous speed and, even though I'm able to transcribe quite quickly, I couldn't get the whole point of what he was saying. I had to type it — if not, it would have been a right kerfuffle to study my lecture notes… Here's an extract (in French, because it's one of the three courses we have to attend in the common programme):

Dans le texte majeur Problèmes de linguistique générale, Emile Benviniste aborde un tournant dans la linguistique. Dans l’extrait, il parle du système des signes dans une langue. Il parle de la sémiotique pour distinguer le fait que la langue est avant tout composée de si-gnes.
« Qui dit “sémiotique” dit “intra-linguistique”. Être distinctif, être significatif, c’est la même chose » → Ce qui fait le signe est ce qui le distingue d’un autre (e.g. lampe – rampe : il y a une unité distinctive reprenant ces deux différents phonèmes pour repérer des mots de sens différent. Les signes sont composés de phonèmes qui servent à différencier des mots → Distinctif = significatif.
3 CONSEQUENCES de ce principe :
1. « À aucun moment, en sémiotique, on ne s’occupe de la relation du signe avec les choses dénotées, ni des RAPPORTS ENTRE LA LANGUE ET LE MONDE » → Quand on fait de l’intra-linguistique, on ne s’occupe pas du rapport entre la langue et le monde, de la relation du signe et des choses.
2. « Le signe a toujours et seulement une valeur générique et conceptuelle » → On parle abstraitement, conceptuellement. « Il [le signe] n’admet donc pas de si-gnifié particulier ou occasionnel ; tout ce qui est individuel est ex-clu. »
3. « Les oppositions sémiotiques sont de type binaire » → On trouve toujours de la binarité (e.g. voir si quelque chose est présent ou non, comme masculin – féminin, sin-gulier – pluriel…).
⇒ Conséquence du travail sémiotique sur la langue : « Tout ce qui précède a trait à la structure ou aux relations du signe. Mais qu’en est-il de la phrase ? Qu’en est-il de la fonction communicative de la langue ? Après tout, c’est ainsi que nous communiquons, par des phrases, même tronquées, embryonnai-res, incomplètes, mais toujours par des phrases. C’est ici, dans notre ana-lyse, un point crucial.» → La phrase est un grand signe → On peut l’analyser de ma-nière binaire. Mais quand on regarde une phrase, on n’est plus dans la sémiotique.
« Le signe et la phrase sont deux mondes distincts et ils appellent des descriptions distinctes. Nous instaurons dans la langue une division fonda-mentale, toute différente de celle que Saussure a tentée entre langue et parole. Il nous semble qu’on doit tracer à travers la langue entière une ligne qui départage deux espèces et deux domaines du sens et de la forme. » → Deux manières d’être pour une langue : sémiotique et sémantique.
Pour SAUSSURE, il existe une distinction entre la langue et la parole : la LANGUE est un système de signes, un système abstrait et social : la PAROLE est la réalisation individuelle de la langue, on passe de l’abstrait au concret. De la sorte, Saussure ne fait pas de différence entre sémiotique et sémantique.
« Nous n’avons pu trouver de meilleurs [termes de “sémiotique” et “séman-tique”] pour définir les deux modalités fondamentales de la fonction lin-guistique, celle de signifier, pour la sémiotique, celle de communiquer, pour la sémantique. » → Sémiotique = signes ; Sémantique = voir comment communiquer
« La notion de sémantique nous introduit au domaine de la langue en em-ploi et en action ; nous voyons cette fois dans la langue et sa fonction de médiatrice entre l’homme et l’homme, entre l’homme et le monde, entre l’esprit et les choses, transmettant l’information. » → On agit sur quelqu’un d’autre en parlant, on est un médiateur agissant.
« L’expression sémantique par excellence est la phrase » → L’intenté, c’est ce que le locuteur veut dire, l’actualisation linguistique de sa pensée. « La sémantique ré-sulte d’une activité du locuteur qui met en action la langue ». → Mobiliser : quand on fait un discours, on mobilise les éléments de la langue pour la mettre à son service personnel et agir sur le monde, advenir comme sujet, agir.
« Le signe sémiotique existe en soi, fonde la réalité de la langue ; mais il ne comporte pas d’applications particulières ; la phrase, expression du sémantique, n’est que particulière. » Quand on utilise la langue, on est relié aux cho-ses hors de la langue grâce à celle-ci. La situation est différente à chaque fois, le locuteur est unique. Importance de l’acte d’énonciation de la langue.

Well, if the way of saying it is SO important to him, why did he talk for 20 minutes about useless gibberish, instead of merely telling us: You have to be careful when you write something. OK. I don't understand those kind of teachers…

A Short History of the World

After a look on the status of our universe, let's have a look on our world:



What took you so long?

Look how the monkey already looks like Homer… Or, maybe the opposite.

The T-Rex' screem comes from Jurassic Park.

What If…?

What if it were really like this:



Waaaaaaaaaaaaw!

I bet it's exactly like that. Except for the aliens with green tentacules and a helmet…

My Dutch Literature Exam…

Today, it was high time to take the Dutch Literature exam. It was an oral one, and I was among the firsts to take it. I had put on my black suit with a purple tie (it's weird, I know) and brought my summaries in an elegant suitcase, so as to re-read the stuff once more while waiting. I chatted a little with some friends, and then it was my turn.

I was given a questionaire by Mrs Leijnse and I had to prepare it during 20 minutes, while another student was being tested. I had a question about Het Wilhelmus, then about Mariken van Nieumeghen en Beatrijs, then some obscure sonnet from Jan van der Noot.

Then I had to enter Mrs Leijnse's office. I told her everything I knew about the subjects I had to discuss. I found it pretty difficult to explain what I had in my mind. Maybe because I'm more used to writing and talking in English… I was more worried about how I was saying it rather than what I was saying. Maybe I wasn't really focussed. Mrs Leijnse also asked questions linked to what I was saying. It also disturbed me, especially when I didn't know what to say… It was — I think — the first time that I didn't manage to (at least) invent something. I absolutely don't know what will be my marks… It won't be very much, maybe 13 or 14 at most. All what I'm saying is just that I came out of the office with a bad feeling about this.

Later, in a street, as I was heading for the Station to catch my bus, a ******* pigeon found it funny to great me with shit, just on the left shoulder, that is to say on my jacket!! Crap! I told you I had a bad feeling about this…

It reminded me of this thing by Les Nuls:



Faisez gaffe aux pigeons. — C'était un conseil de l'Opération Pigeons Bourrés.

I know, it's silly. It always is. What would be life without silliness?

The Simpsons Movie

I have been a Simpsons fan ever since I was a child, even if I couldn't watch the series for years because it wasn't broadcast on the only channel I had back in that time. But now that I'm at university, we (my flatmates and I) took the habit of watching an episode while eating. Now, we're in the middle of the sixth season. (Yeah, I know, these are rehearsals, but I had never seen those episodes.) And this summer, I'll go to the cinema to see this:



I'm sure it'll be great!

The Joker Is Funny (Of Course, He Is!)

I know Christmas is 7 month away, but I found this video so funny I wanted to share it with you:



Jingle bells,
Batman smells
Robin laid an egg,
The batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away!!!

The French translation is crappy:

L'horrible chauve-souris
Et son bouffon Robin
n'ont qu'à bien se tenir
car le Joker est libre !

At first, I didn't understand the second part, but I managed to find it:

Crashing through the roof,
on a one horse open tree,
busting out I go,
laughing all the waayyyyyyy hahhhhaaaahaaa!

Of course, the Joker (voice of Mark Hamill) was the only one who could have thought of hijacking a Christmas tree…

It's a Christmas-special episode of Batman: The Animated Series: Christmas with the Joker.

I wondered what was meant with the third line. Here's what I found on a serious website:

lay an egg (American, informal)
to fail to make people enjoy or be interested in something.Our first two sketches got big laughs, but the next two laid an egg.

Good to know that. I also found, on another website, the (probable) origins of the phrase.

I also wondered when I read "on a one horse open tree". What could it mean? I looked it up on the Internet, and the first thing I found was this: it can come from Dashing through the snow on a one-horse open sleigh, and altered for the purposes of the Joker song. It's in fact the original lyrics of Jingle Bells. Of course. How silly am I!

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to laugh and sing
A sleighing song tonight

Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jingle all the way;
Oh! what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh.

West-Flemish People Can Count!

… of course they do! They aren't that silly, after all. It's just that they have a peculiar dialect, that's all. Let's hear them:



While searching for a guy's name, I found the exhaustive list. I decided to make links for people I knew, at least by their names.

1. Raoul Servais
2. Geert Hoste
3. Martien Jonckheere
4. Gouverneur Breyne
5. Jean-Pierre Van Rossem(wow, he's whiter than the last time I saw him, shouting "Leve de republiek, Vive la république européenne, Vive Lahaut!" at the coronation of H.M. Albert II on 9 August 1993; I'd like to have the same haircut as him…)
6. Phaedra Hoste
7. Veerle Deblauwe
8. Dirk Frimout (Curious: the French article is more extended than the Dutch one… and there's also an article in West-Flemish!)
9. Lieven Debrauwer
10. Hans Vermeersch
11. Brahim
12. Jean-Pierre Coopman
13. Chris Lomme
14. Wim Delvoye
15. Chris Dusauchoit
16. Luk Alloo
17. Herr Seele
18. Peter Quaeghebeur
19. Carolien Van den Berghe
20. Elsje Helewaut
21. Wendy Van Wanten
22. Ann Demeulemeester
23. Marc Degryse
24. Anabelle Van Nieuwenhuyse
25. Michiel Devlieger
26. Lieven Verstraete
27. Will Tura
28. Marleen Vanhecke
29. Mathias Sercu
30. Peter Verhelst
31. Geike Arnaert
32. Kris Deborghgraeve
33. Frederick Deburghgraeve
34. Karl Vannieuwkerke
35. Evy Gruyaert
36. Carl De Keyzer
37. Leen Demaré
38. Friedl Lesage
39. Tom Van Landuyt
40. Flip Kowlier
41. Pieter Aspe
42. Chantal Pattyn
43. Gerda Dendooven
44. Johan Museeuw
45. Michiel Hendryckx
46. Freddy Maertens
47. Piet Goddaer
48. Wim Opbrouck
49. Freddy Devadder
50. Willem Vermandere
51. Tanja Saw
52. Henry d'Udekem d'Acoz
53. Jan Bucquoy
54. Kamagurka
55. Michel D'Hooghe
56. Peter Vandermeersch
57. Marc Van Eeghem
58. Kurt Van Eeghem
59. Els Pynoo
60. Arno

Ok, I admit it: I don't know a lot of BVs from West-Flanders. Shame on me. I hope the links are working properly — cause it took me half an hour to get everything!!!

My Philosophy Exam…

After a whole week studying definitions and roughly a hundred pages filled with philosophical stuff, the exam period started. Today, it opened with what I consider the biggest and toughest exam among all others, namely Introduction à la philosophie générale.

Since I had worked very hard for the course, I was pretty confident about the exam. There was an oral and a written part. The oral exam was to take place at 8.30, and the written one at 2 pm.

I arrived at 7.50, just to be on the safe side. Several classmates talked about the difficulties they had had to study the course; soon, it was time for me to meet the professor, révérend-père Etienne Ganty. I entered the classroom quietly. Without a word, the professor (a man with a combover coming from the right side of his head – which is rare) pointed a small box with yellow pieces of paper in it. I guessed I should pick one of them. I took one with "3" on it. I took a questionaire with more than a dozen of questions and some scrap paper to write my rough draft. I had to develop this: "What distinguishes the men from all other beings, according to Aristotle?" It was not so difficult. I wrote evrything I knew on the subject in order.

Meanwhile, two other students were tested by Pr. Ganty. It wasn't looking very fine for them… Was I going to be destroyed, too?

The time had come: I came and sit in front of the Combover. I tried not to pay attention to it – otherwise I would have started laughing for several minutes or so… So, I talked about the question, introducing the subject, making links, etc. While I was speaking, he was writing several words on a sheet of paper. When I was done with Aristotle, he asked me two questions: one about Kant and his imperatives, plus the so-called "effort moteur volontaire". He didn't interrupt me to say I was saying bullshits; besides, at the end he said: "Très bien". All this gives me a good feeling about this.

In the afternoon – it means that I went back to my student's room to change clothes, because a suit is nice but warm – I went back to university to take the written part. It was pretty easy, actually. But it was maybe because I knew the stuff very well (surely I had to, after one whole week of studying!).

And now, I can forget everything. Oh no, it's already done! I pressed the delete button in my memory, and everything linking to this course was (hopefully) dragged away in the flushing power of oblivion. (Yeah I know, when I try to make comparaisons, it sucks.)

What we had to study was boring philosophy. Of course, there's greater boredom than that. Father Ganty could have given us a lecture on Heidegger. There's something I found on his page on Wikipedia:

Philosophers are divided in their opinion of Heidegger: some regard him as the greatest philosopher of the twentieth century, while others view his writing as bombastic nonsense. [!!!!!] Nonetheless, his work has exercised a deep influence on philosophy, theology and the humanities, being key to the development of existentialism, hermeneutics, deconstruction, postmodernism, and Continental philosophy in general. [Comment: What the heck is that?] Heidegger's thought directly informs the works of major philosophers such as Karl Jaspers, Leo Strauss, Hans-Georg Gadamer, Jean-Paul Sartre, Emmanuel Levinas, Hannah Arendt, Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Michel Foucault, and Jacques Derrida. [Comment: A bunch of people who could have done something better of their lives than talking gibberish.]
Heidegger infamously supported National Socialism. [Comment: What a prick!!] This has provoked fierce debate among and between supporters and detractors: some see it as a personal folly largely irrelevant to his philosophy, while others think it reveals flaws inherent in his thought.

As we say in French: On l'a échappée belle !" And there's worse than what I put up there: scroll down on the article and be amazed by things you won't understand a single word of!!!

I'm the advocate of another kind of philosophy: that of the Internet users. It's simple, you can discuss other people's ideas, react by all sorts of means, from the simple e-mail to the video response. Blogs are great, too: you can show the entire world (and not just a small group of "philosophers" who chose the most unintelligible words so that people like you and I don't get access to their "knowledge" they think beter than ours) your own philosophy. As a result, my blog is a kind of textbook about me. Silly, I know.

As I was looking for videos about Star Wars, I stubbled upon this girl and her lovely video. Vous m'en direz des nouvelles ! As embedding was disabled for this video, I suggest you just click here in order to watch it. Have fun! And think about the message!

G. W. Bush Can Speak West-Flemish!!!

I thought I couldn't understand a single word of this Flemish dialect, but I think this stuff is pretty explicit…



Ik heb juust in m'n broek gescheten! :D :D :D

Darth Vader Is A Great Story-Teller

Why do such things exist in America only???



Admit it's well done!

Star Wars: Alternate Ending (5)

"Every saga has its beginning", says the motto of Star Wars – Episode I: The Phantom Menace, but it also has its end, unfortunately. Or let's say that it's a temporary end. We never know. I kept the best for the end, of course. There you go!



The very last words are SO funny!

I told you it was the best!

PS. This puts an end to the short series of alternate endings to Star Wars, but it doesn't mean I won't talk about Star Wars in my following posts…

To be continued…

Star Wars: Alternate Ending (4)

And another alternate ending. This one is especially funny. (I only choose the best bits for you, of course.)



Amazing. The Star Wars saga would have ended with Episode IV!

(Of course, the reason why I'm making a Star Wars week is that the first movie was released 30 years ago! Happy birthday, then!)

Star Wars: Alternate Ending (3)

And here's a third issue of our (temporary) column: "Star Wars: Alternate Ending". This one is what happens if Luke doesn't use the Force… (Scene taken from Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back.)



I love it! The guy who found this idea is just a genius.

Star Wars: Alternate Ending (2)

Another alternative ending…



(In French, we call this sound a pet mouillé or trace de freinage. Click here or here for more information about that phenomenon.)

Star Wars: Alternate Ending (1)

The concept of alternate endings is brilliant… Here's a terrific example: jumping from Episode III to the end of Episode VI…



Silly, wasn't it. (Obviously, if you don't know Star Wars, you won't find it funny. It means you really should watch those films!)

Yoda Break-dancing

As the second term has come to an end now, it means that we have a week left to study before the exams start, hence the lack of time to write for this blog. That is the reason why you won't get to read a lot from me in the following five weeks, but I'll post (with some delay) at least one video that I like. Have fun!



It's a DVD bonus from Episode III.

Seinfeld: the Pee-Stained Couch

Just watch this…



One of my favourite extracts, of course.

Scarface: the Summary

I've got to watch this film!



Ok, Scarface is a bit violent, but when you watch in such a way…

One of the Best Battles Ever

The Lord of the Rings (yes, the article on Wikipedia is one of the longest I know… can you find longer?) trilogy is among my favourites. I wish I had more time: I could write many things about Sir Christopher Lee, that brilliant actor, and about Sir Ian McKellen, that wonderful actor.

This scene comes from the first film, The Fellowship of the Ring.



Another example of a promise of power…

Their voices are terrific, especially Saruman's!

Howard Shore's music deserved an Oscar®. He got it.

Saruman must have one hell of a heating bill… Silly.

Dream On Credits

Finally! Dream On is about to be released in DVD! I will at last be able to watch the first episodes!!! Three years ago, they were broadcast by BeTV, and I saw them all, except for the first half of the first series. I'm going to look for other videos, but meanwhile, just watch these lovely credits…



It explains why Martin Tupper (Brian Benben), while plunged into a given situation, suddenly remember bits of old black-and-white movies and series that he saw…

Dream On was aired from 1990 to 1996. 120 episodes were made.

De Funès: "La Grande Vadrouille" (2/2)

(Continued from yesterday's article.)

They don't get caught by the Germans, and they have to share the same room for the night in room n°9. Stanislas (De Funès) goes eating. Meanwhile, the 9 went upside-down, becoming a 6, as well as 9 becomes 6 (how unlikely!), so that when he comes back to his room, De Funès is with Major Achbach – whom he thinks to be Augustin Bouvet (Bourvil)…



This is a piece of the French cinema history.

In the other storyline, that of the British pilots whose plane was shot down above Paris, the pilots are brought into a hospital (namely in the Hospice de Beaunes), where they are hid as war invalids…



The old sister is a tough one!
Il vaut mieux être malade ici que bien portant ailleurs. (…) Langue blanche, yeux jaune, nez rouge : le foie ! (…) Il faudra quand même surveiller ce foie !

And finally, a scene which contains one of the most famous lines from Bourvil : "Mes souliers, mon vélo…". Silly.

De Funès: "La Grande Vadrouille" (1/2)

Yesterday, I promised I would show you other extracts from Louis De Funès' work. He's known for his part in La Grande Vadrouille, a film which takes place during the Second World War. He's a conductor (Stanislas Lefort) and tries to rehearse with his orchestra, but he's obliged to interrupt because of the German Major Achbach who says there's a British aviator hidden in the Opéra.



Later in the film, Lefort (De Funès) gets involved with the Resistance and has got to escape the Germans. He meets Augustin Bouvet (Bourvil) and they have to reach the Free Zone, travelling through the country. After many adventures, they arrive in a little village where they're supposed to meet other members of the Resistence that will help them…



Who said the the Germans couldn't laugh? Imagine we could do that at school… It'd be great.

Louis de Funès Grinning

Louis de Funès is probably the most famous French actor ever. If you search for "Louis de Funès" on YouTube, you're gonna find videos in French, in German, in Italian, in Spanish, etc. (Mostly the Germans love him — don't ask me why.)

He's known as a comedian, he actually never played in dramas. His most famous parts were in the Gendarmes series, in which he plays a policeman established in Saint-Tropez, the well-known "fishing village" (most known today as the place-to-be for jet-setters) in the South of France. Six Gendarme films were made. The first four were excellent, the last two were crappy (don't watch them, then!). What I wanted to show you is a scene taken from the fourth movie, Le Gendarme en balade.

Let's first situate the scene. The French government had decided to have a younger generation of gendarmes, so that the old team was forced to retire. The team that we see in the films consists of:
– Ludovic Cruchot (Louis de Funès)
– Warrant officer Gerber (Michel Galabru)
– Merlot (Christian Marin)
– Fougasse (Jean Lefebre)
– Tricard (Guy Grosso)
– Berlicard (Michel Modo)

I also have to say that Cruchot got married to a rich woman from the nobility (Claude Gensac). That is the reason why he lives in a big castle.

In the following scene, a priest, whose chapel roof was blown by the wind, pays a visit to Madame Cruchot, in order to ask for $ome help to cover the co$t$ of repair$. Then Cruchot tries making a fool of the priest whilst his wife is talking about the importance of being generous…



Tomorrow: other extracts illustrating De Funès' genius.

Jay and Silent Bob's favourite word

I came to know Jay and Silent Bob (played by Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith) by watching a film called Dogma. Here's the trailer:



I didn't quite remember the plot, but now I've seen that, I get a glimpse of what it was. It was a witty mix of fun and serious philosophical issues. I've got to watch that film. Maybe in ten year's time, when I don't have anything else to do.

What I wanted to show you today is a montage that was made by a fan (I think), who spent hours watching Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (a title that appealed me because it's a reference to Star Wars: Episode V — and there were many in that movie) in order to spot each occurence of the word fuck or fucking. I think that not a single movie in the history of cinema displays such a huge number of swear words…



If I could get a buck whenever they say that word, I'd be rich. (Could you count how many times the word is said?)

"The Life of Brian": Biggus Dickus

I've already written something about my favourite bits from the Monty Pythons (e.g. the silly walk) — even though I haven't seen much from what they did — but this time, I'll show you an extract from The Life of Brain, a film which makes fun of Christianism thanks to Brian, a guy that was born on the same day as Jesus…

In the film, he gets caught for a reason I can't remember and brought to Pontius Pilatius…



This bit is one of Mr Eloy Romero-Muñoz' favourites, one of the assistants in the English Department at Namur University.

Enter the Mullet

You know I'm the kind of guy who spends a lot of time on the Internet, trying to get something awkward from our world in order to show it to a public of (mostly) strangers. With respect to that, I'm gonna introduce you to a ridiculous hair style. I've already taught you everything I knew about the combover; now, it's time for the mullet!!!

The mullet (or, in French: nuque longue or, in my region mitchelli, but this is not as common as "mullet" as a concept) is, according to Wikipedia:
A mullet is a hairstyle that is short in the front, on the top, and on the sides, but long in the back. The hairstyle was popular during the late 20th Century, from the early to mid seventies to the late eighties/early nineties. Mullets have been worn by both males and females of all ages. The mullet is distinct from the rattail, which consists of a long, narrow "tail" of hair growing from the back of the head.

Still on Wikipedia, I read this: The Dutch term is matje, which means "little carpet/mat". Some people refer to it as a Duitse mat (German mat) as well, implying that this is a haircut typical for Germans.

Just Google "mullet" and find wonderful pictures of idiots, nerds, pillocks, and other morons.

I filmed another bit of La Télé infernale, featuring Miam Monster Miam talking about Mullets and a pseudo "European Contest of Mitchellis" in Ougrée-bas…



Conclusion: "Ça fait partie du tissu social"!!!

Problem Child

This film is wicked!

It's about… a problem child, basically. Junior (played by Michael Oliver) an orphan that spent most of his life in an orphenage. And he's a problem child in the sense that he's doing forbidden things, like hanging a nun from a roof by means of a rope, or taking pictures of the priest on the loo, or photo's of nuns getting undressed, or waxing the floor so that someone kicks the bucket (hence one of the sisters being injuried in the following extract).

In this scene, Mr. Peabody (Gilbert Gottfried, you was Iago's voice in Aladdin) is trying to calm down the sisters because Junior has — once again — pissed them off…



"A priest is like a nun with a jacket"!

I like the slogan for the movie: "Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Al Capone. They were all seven once."

Because this extract doesn't show anything from the troublesome personality of Junior… Before I show you what his fury looks like, I'm gonna tell you a little bit more about the plot.

Basically, he gets adopted by Ben Healy (the late John Ritter) who really wants to love him – as is not the case with his wife Flo (Amy Yasbeck) and his father (the late Jack Warden). Meanwhile, Junior writes a letter to a serial killer, Marty (Michael Richards), a real maniac who evades in order to meet Junior, whom he thinks to be another serial killer – while Junior just wanted to have him as a friend, because both were pariahs. Eventually, they go to a circus…



— Look! A giraffe!
— Look! A fist!

(Frenc version:
— Regarde ! Une girafe !
— Regarde ! Une baffe !)

What's more, in this film, Marty/Richards doesn't like clowns, and in Seinfeld, Kramer/Richards is afraid of clowns… Was there an influence?

Let's go back to Junior's deeds. In fact, we have to move on to the sequel (yes, there was another, and even another, but better not to talk about it — nothing was the same apart from the grand-father). In Problem Child 2, Junior and his father decide to go living in Cold River… Of course, they move in a new house, new neighbours… and a new school… And the principal is… Mr. Peabody!!

Later in the film, they go to a carnivale… And that's were the fun begins…



It's just perfect! I learned that this very scene was cut from television airings! It's a token of quality.

A Dutch Glimpse On French Elections

In order to practise my writing skills in Dutch, I decided to transcribe what was said in one of their programs. I chose the NOS-journaal from 5th May. It's a report about concerts in Amsterdam as part of the celebration of the liberation of the Netherlands after Second World War.

Titels

– Bevrijdingsconcert op de Amstel.

– Frankrijk is klaar voor de verkiezingen.

– Familiecontact via de satelliet met Uruzgan [Afghanistan]

Presentatrice: Noraly Beyer

• Goienavond. Op de Amstel in Amsterdam was zoals elk jaar op 5 mei het Bevrijdingsconcert, in aanwezigheid van Koningin Beatrix. Het Metropoolorkest speelde op een drijvend podium en begeleidde de zangeres Hind en Izaline Calister.

De bedrijdingsfestivals die in twaalf andere steden werden gehouden duren nog tot halftwaalf.
——————————
• Over minder dan tien uur gaat Frankrijk de stemlokalen openen voor de tweede en beslissende ronde van de presidentsverkiezingen. Maar voor sommige van de vierenveertig miljoen kiesgerechtende Fransen is het stemmen al begonnen. Fransen in de overzeeuwse gebieden en in het (???) buitenland mochten vandaag het spits afbijten. Lange rijen op een zonnige zaterdag bij de Franse ambassade in Washington. Sommige /ekspeksts/ moesten huren wachten voordat ze hun stem konden uitbrengen. En bij het Consulaat in New York was het vandaag ook druk.

(Getuige: Fransman vertaald.)
Dit is een cruciaal moment voor Frankrijk. We moeten een keuze maken: Een nieuwe weg inslaan, of doorgaan met hetzelfde.

Lange rijen waren er ook in Frans-Guyana. De ongeveer één miljoen kiezers in de overzeeuwse gebieden mochten alvast stemmen om problemen met het tijdsverschil te voorkomen. In Frankrijk zelf is het vandaag een dag van rust voor de kandidaten, maar voor de trouwste aanhangers is het de laatste kans om kiezers over de streep te trekken, zoals hier in Parijs. Morgen om acht uur gaan de Franse stemlokalen open.

De rechtse Sarkozy en de linkse Royal hebben een heel ander idee over welke kant op moet. Hun standpunt over een paar belangrijke thema's op een rij.

[Verslag]
Wat betreft werk wil Nicolas Sarkozy dat de Fransen meer gaan werken, en ook meer gaan verdienen. En hij belooft lastenverlichting voor het bedrijfsleven. Ségolène Royal wil vijfhonderdduizend startbanen voor jongeren creëren. Ook het geweld willen ze aanpakken. Sarkozy wil hogere straffen voor jongeren, ook voor 16- en 17-jarigen. Royal wil juist de politie terug in de wijk en militaire begeleiding voor criminele jongeren. Wat betreft integratie wil Sarkozy dat er een ministerie komt van immigratie en nationaal identiteit, en hij wil inburgeringscursussen naar een Nederlands model. Royal wil dat de ghetto's verdwijnen, en vindt dat scholen gemengder moeten worden. En voor Europa wil Sarkozy een miniverdrag dat door het Franse Parlement moet worden goedgekeurd, terwijl Royal voor een nieuwe socialere grondwet is, die is opnieuw aan de Fransen wil voorleggen via een referendum.

Jean Gol's Combover

I'm too ashamed to say how I came to find this picture, but I did find it on the Internet. This photograph, probably taken round 1985, shows two Belgian politicians.

On the left, Jean Gol: someone who used to be one of the most prominent politicians in Belgium in the 1970s, 1980s and early 1990s, leader of the Walloon Parti Réformateur Libéral (PRL - liberal party). He died in September 1995.

On the right, his apprentice (we might say), Didier Reynders, at that time a successful young laywer and opportunist who made his way to the high spheres of political power thanks to Jean Gol. Didier Reynders is Belgium's current Minister of Finance.

My point was just to make fun of Jean Gol's combover: doesn't he look ridiculous?

Michel Daerden Impersonators

Michel Daerden is said to be — thanks to his alcoholic-stained words on the evening after the city elections — one of the most famous Belgians abroad. (Even in Flanders.) Well, I had in my archives two videos that weren't on YouTube!

In fact, two years ago, there was a programme called La Télé infernale (LTI), a low-budget show about nothing, presented by Jacques Mercier and Virginie Svensson, plus his "gang" of non-professional comedians, among which Raoul Reyers, Pierre Kroll, Miam Monster Miam, Juan d'Oultremont, Laurence Bibot, Jean-Luc-Fonck, Frédéric Jannin, Sergio Honorez, Aurélia Dejond, etc. Basically the same team as for the radio programme Le Jeu des dictionnaires and La Semaine infernale. The programme had been broadcast during 18 month before the channel decided to put an end to it. I liked it very much, but most of the people that watched it just did it in order to criticize it. (Nerds.) Anyway, I think it's better off. If it had last too long, it would have ended up worse. But it's not my point in this blog entry.

What I wanted to show you today is a extract from the show, in which Pierre Kroll comments on the "Concours d'imitateurs de Michel Daerden" (Michel Daerden Impersonators Contest) that was organized in Liège. (I filmed that thing thanks to my camera, hence the poor quality. Sorry.)



And there's a second part: the minister himself comes to the set of La Télé infernale!!



Ah! The authentic wallon de Liège-accent!!! (My mother tongue!) ;p

Just one more, also coming from the same LTI issue:



(He says: Et je le vois encore… mett' sa tête dans l'mirwaar en disant : "(Mumbling) C'est des dégoûtants, y'avait que des dégueulasses !". It doesn't mean anything. Alcohol is talking.)

La Dictée du Balfroid

On previous Saturday, it was high time to take part to the Dictée du Balfroid. (OK, when I say "take part", I mean taking part while watching the show on telly.) Basically, it's a spelling contest for kids who are currently on the sixth form of Primary School.

This year was the 20th anniversary of the creation of the Dictée, a project that came from the mind of Madame Balfroid (see second picture, next to Jacques Mercier, TV presenter), a retired Primary School teacher. Semi-finals were organised in each of the 5 French-speaking provinces (namely Brabant wallon, Hainaut, Liège, Luxembourg and Namur) and in Brussels. More than 800 pupils made it into the finals which took place at the Heysel, a series of huge exhibition halls, not far away from the Atomium.

When I was at Primary School, being the best at spelling, I got to sign up for the semi-finals, then I qualified for the finals… where I didn't win, unfortunately. Of course, I was proud to have experienced it. Back in that time, texts were longer and fairly more complicated. Now, seven years later, I can see that texts are much more easy than they used to. Here's this year's text:

L’urgence de reparler de l’eau (dictée de la finale)

Souvent les entretiens privés et politiques que nous ont relatés les journaux avaient pour objet ce précieux liquide.

Le sujet de l’eau revient en force cette année-ci, car on a enfin constaté, non sans effroi, que celle-ci allait cruellement manquer dans les années à venir.

Certains lacs orientaux sont déjà à sec. Des populations entières, assoiffées d’eau potable, arpentent des distances considérables pour trouver le puits qui les assouvira.

Les nappes souterraines se tarissent et des arbres squelettiques ont été çà et là observés.

Croyons-nous que cette matière ne nous concerne pas, nous les gaspilleurs jusqu’à outrance de cet élément vital que nous n’avons pas apprécié à sa juste valeur ?

Le réchauffement de la planète que l’on craint aura tôt fait de justifier notre angoisse d’une pénurie annoncée et d’une aridité évidente.

Quelles que soient nos appréhensions, il faut que nous gérions d’urgence notre façon de consommer puisque le temps nous est compté.

Of course, I didn't make any mistake: it was too easy. Really. I mean it. Before, you had to write it on two pages, and now on one single page. And there are less difficulties such as the accord du participe passé – a matter that petrified us in that time…

Plan langues (1)

As part of this blog's goals – namely that of getting the whole world in contact with unknown languages – I suggest that you watch the video below. It's one of the numerous sketches written and played by Manu Thoreau for a programme named Faux Contact, a spoof based on the official Contact, a didactic program about road-traffic safety. Manu Thoreau imitated (and also exaggerated) Commandant De Nève's (the presenter) way of talking.

In the following extract, he explains in a pseudo (because full of unexisting words or words that don't make sense here) Walloon language how to place a spare wheel…



There's also a scene in a pseudo (because full of French near-words and absolutely ungrammatical) Flemish dialect…



Don't laugh: lots of French-speaking Belgians talk like that in Dutch and think they're doing it properly! (Morons.)