Fanboys

Fanboys tells the story of young Star Wars freaks who try to heist George Lucas's Skywalker Ranch to rob a copy of Episode I because they cannot wait till the release. It's full of references to the original films (and I fear that the French translation will ruin all that) and other geeky gags…

Hitler and Star Wars

Hitler didn't like Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace:



Hitler deals with a Star Wars convention in Berlin…

Episode III gets reviewed

I recently found a really good review of Star Wars Episode III and I thought it could be interesting to feature it on this blog, among the other piles of random stuff that I accumulate on a daily basis. (I hope some of you saw the film, at least…)



"Count Dracula shows up. The Chancellor says: 'Get help. You're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord.' Dude, where are they gonna get help?!?"

" … and what does this shithead ever do to make you fall in love with him? All he ever did was bitch everyone else including Ooba-Dooba, make blatantly treacherous remarks and — I wanna stress this again — he committed mass murder and Ooba-Dooba knows it."



"Obi-Wan must carefully sneak up to his position. So naturally, since he must be as covert as possible, he picks the biggest, loudest thing he can possibly find to ride up there. This thing makes noises like a dying giraffe: it's so loud the whole damn planet would be alarmed to its presence, and the damn thing even starts shouting right at the enemy's base!"

"The Emperor whips out a lightsaber and does some of that jumping around crap. The three Jedi Windu brought with him use an ancient Jedi defence technique known as 'Standing There And Letting Your Opponent Kill You', until it's soon just Windu vs. the Chancellor."



"'But wait, Obi-Wan! If Leia is my sister, then who was our mother?'
'Ow… she was the Queen of Naboo. But when things didn't work out between her and your father she lost the will to live and just up and died.'
'Ya know, she was having two kids… She didn't think it was worth living for us?'
'I guess not, Luke.'
'Oh, what a bitch!'"

Fucking alternate endings

It seems that no reader likes alternate endings (because blog entries featuring them are never commented on), but I like them, so here's another twisted version of Die Hard:

…

But wait! Maybe there are some people among you who've never seen the film. Here's the fucking short version:



(It reminds me of that fucking short version of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back; I once told you about it.)

And there comes the alternate ending:



Toooooooo baaaaaaaaaad!

And those two, but about Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace:



Ouch!



All right, this would have ruined the other five movies — for Anakin is the main character…

The Saga Begins

A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned "Weird Al" Yankovich and his great parody songs, like Michael Jackson's Beat it getting twisted into Eat it?

Today I would like to show you another song that I've just discovered: The Saga Begins (1999). It's about Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, and Weird Al (dressed up as Obi-Wan Kenobi) sings of Anakin's daring deeds, thus summarizing in a quite brilliant way the plot of that first episode. This song is a parody of American Pie by Don McLean.



Here are the lyrics (it took me a lot of time to make all the links, so don't hesitate to click on them to learn more about the Star Wars universe):

A long, long time ago
In a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the Federation in
To maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the Queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy

Oh
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Darth Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
He left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force, they say

Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday

Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I knew who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy

We started singin'
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh the Council was impressed of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interviewed the kid
All training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said "Now listen here"
"Just stick it in your pointy ear"
"I still will teach this boy"

He was singin'
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gungans died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy

And I was singin'
My my this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin'
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We were singin'
My my this here Anakin guy
Maybe Vader someday later
Now he's just a small fry
And he left his home
And kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

PS. It is stated on Wikipedia that Weird Al wrote this song just by reading internet spoilers…, thus without seeing the movie at all!

As would Darth Vader say (in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back):

Impressive… Most impressive.

The Empire Brokeback!

Droids have feelings: they can live a true love story:



Obi-Wan and Anakin were having an affair, too!



Even Han Solo and Chewie!



I love these parodies on the Brokeback Mountain theme! More tomorrow

He's Back!

At last, the one whose YouTube channel was guywiththeglasses is back on YouTube. I had already displayed some of his "5 second movies" on this blog. But this channel disappeared suddently in June due to a YouTube's policy on copyright. Fortunately, our guywiththeglasses won his fight and has a new page for his marvellous "5 second movies".

Let's hear what he has to say. Or to transmit, I guess:



In this video, he explain his view on his forced absence from YouTube:



And here are the three brand-new Star Wars episodes he was talking about:

— Episode I: The Phantom Menace


Yeah, Jar Jar Binks really destroyed the movie. I can't agree more with Han Solo.

— Episode II: Attack of the Clones

Yeah, the choice of Hayden Christensen to play Darth Vader wasn't the best choice at all. Most of the fans agree on that. This actor was too young. But the dialogues were crappy as well, so we can't blame him for everything.

— Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

"Boy did I bet on the wrong horse!" :p Obi-Wan is definitely the wisest.

Indy Is Back!

Back ten years ago, I could read in Lucasfilm Magazine issue n°11 that the film Indiana Jones IV would soon be shot and released in 1999, before Star Wars – Episode I: The Phantom Menace is released.

I waited. We waited. I mean all fans in the wide world. We have been waiting for years… It wasn't released in 1999, nor in 2000, nor… up to now. There were problems of production, but also a problem of script: both George Lucas and Steven Spielberg had to agree on the screenplay. We waited. They eventually agreed on a script. And now it's official: Indiana Jones IV (we don't know the official title yet) is currently being shot in Connecticut and Hawaii, and will be released on Memorial Day 2008!!!

Meanwhile, you can watch some offical videos on the Indiana Jones website. I hope you enjoy.

PS. Comment if you are a fan too!

Fart Wars — Episode I: The Farting Menace

I don't think I have to explain. It's quite explicit…



It's so funny! The farting sounds do correspond with the facial expressions and movements!