Brokebat Mountain

Yesterday I was telling you about the biggest pile of poo in the movie history, Batman & Robin. It was notably criticised for Batman and Robin having so-called "Bat nipples" on their Batsuits, arguing that director Joel Schumacher wanted to give them a gay look. That would of course strengthen that feeling of the "ambiguously gay duo" (as in the song) in the minds of the opposants to Schumacher's conception of the franchise. However, this alleged gay tone allows us to find highlight some interesting lines, and to make use of them in subtile parodies of the Brokeback Mountain theme.

"All you could think about was dick" --> LMAO

"Can you feel it coming?"

"You're not thinking straight."

And I almost forgot to show you the best part of the movie: you'll be surprised:





Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: Batman.

Leap Day (aka 'bissextile day')

Since today is 29 February, I thought it would be a good opportunity to write a few words about this day that only occurs once every four years (except on century years that aren't divisible by 400, e.g. 1700 and 2100). Here's the explanation found on Wikipedia:

Although the modern calendar counts a year as 365 days, a complete revolution around the sun takes approximately 365 days and 6 hours. Every four years, an extra twenty-four hours have accumulated, so one extra day is added to that calendar to keep the count coordinated with the sun's apparent position. (…) A leap day is more likely to fall on a Monday than on a Sunday. This is because the Gregorian calendar repeats itself every 400 years, which is exactly 20871 weeks including 97 leap days. Over this period February 29 falls thirteen times on a Sunday, Tuesday or Thursday; fourteen times on a Friday or Saturday; and fifteen times on a Monday or Wednesday.

Here's the most notable fact that happened exactly four years ago (from Wikipedia):

76th Academy Awards: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King wins Best Picture and Director awards and nine others for a total of 11 Academy Awards, a tie for the most ever won by a single film, and the largest sweep ever for a single film, having received 11 nominations. Acting honors were as follows: Best Actor: Sean Penn for Mystic River, Best Actress: Charlize Theron for Monster, Best Supporting Actor: Tim Robbins for Mystic River, Best Supporting Actress: Renée Zellweger for Cold Mountain. Sources: (Newsday) (Box Office Mojo) (IMDB)

Fours years have passed! Time flies, as you can see. I can remember this ceremony perfectly, for it was the last one I saw on telly, because after that BeTV refused to broadcast it… (F*ckers.) Anyway, I was very happy for Peter Jackson and his crew, because all of them had done a terrific job with this marvelous The Lord of the Rings trilogy. About one year ago, I posted the introductory spot of the ceremony, which is basically a spoof on all the successful movies of 2003:

I spotted references to (in order of appearance) Last Action Hero, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The Terminator, Master and Commander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Mystic River, Seabiscuit, Finding Nemo, Cold Mountain, Monster, Something's Gotta Give, Lost in Translation and The Last Samurai. Could you find more?

While looking up for this video, I found one more fine example of Brokeback Mountain-inspired trailer, this time focusing on the "love relationship" bewteen Billy Crystal and the late Jack Palance. Most bits come from City Slickers and City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold.

Notice that the boy you see at 01:03 and at the end is actually the eleven-year-old Jake Gyllenhaal, who starred in Brokeback Mountain with the late Heath Ledger!

Brokeback… Jaws

After "Brokeback to the Future" and such parodies I've already shown you, there's "Brokeback Jaws", a spoof on Steven Spielberg's masterpiece, Jaws:



Nice work, isn't it?

Christmas Week: "Home Alone"

Here's another Christmas film I really love: Home Alone, starring Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. (They curiously kind of disappeared from the screens after that…)

Here's the trailer of the director's cut version:

"He's a disturbed child who's searching for a home…"

KEVIN: I made my family disappear… I'm a criminal.

"He takes over their home and plans his vengeance…"

"Now Harry and Marv struggle to regain their house at any cost"

"Christmas kills once a year, when you're… HOME ALONE"

Ok, it was just a spoof. But this is frankly one of the best parodies to be seen on YouTube, along with that freaky, scary Mary Poppins re-cut trailer and Brokeback to the Future.

Admit it'd have been great to have Kevin as an evil creature coming from hell to annoy those poor Harry and Marvin in their idyllic existence, just after moving in a new cosy neighbourhood…

Here's another re-cut trailer:



So silly!

"Down Right Terrible"

Our friend TheNostalgiaCritic (aka thatguywiththeglasses) came up with a tremendous analysis of a movie called Super Mario Bros., based on the famous video game. Let's hear his message. Below, I listed a series of quotes which I absolutely LOVE! They're brilliant! So watch it to figure it out:



Here are my favourite quotes:

• The two Italian plumbers are played by a Britishman and a Latino. (…) THIS IS GOING TO SUCK ASS!

• (About Dennis Hooper)
  

(he)'s more a mix between Donald Trump and Doctor Evil. Disney's Reluctant Dragon would have been scarier than this.

• This only way to get it back for Mario is to use his balding Italian charm to seduce her. What people would do for a role!

• Most of the performances in this movie are down right terrible. I mean, I love Bob Hoskins, but after time it seems he's caughing up a hair ball. (Bob Hoskins uttering something hardly intelligible). And every time I hear that New York accent, I keep expecting Roger Rabbit to pop up. But by far the biggest award for killing your performance goes to the poopa-scoopa-gooba himself: Dennis Hopper. It's literally like he woke up every morning and just said to himself: "I'm not going to act today! I don't know what I'm going to do, but it's not going to be acting.". In fact, we haven't seen Dennis Hopper in a while, have we? But what do you expect when you're in movies where you're saying lines like:

  BA-BOMB!

• Let's hear that again:

  BA-BOMB!

• And this is why you don't see Dennis Hopper anymore. In fact, if you watch it in slow motion, you can actually pinpoint the moment where his career implodes in on himself. Watch:

  Baaaaaaa-booooooooomb! (Atomic bomb exploding)

• There's no other line in this movie that could destroy an actor's career, so quickly.

A monkey!

• Ok, maybe one other line. In fact, let's see these two lines one back to back:

BA-BOMB! // Monkey!
BA-BOMB! // Monkey!
BA-BOMB! // Monkey!
BA-BOMB! // Monkey! (ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED ACTOR)
BA-BOMB! // Monkey!
BA-BOMB! // Monkey!
BA-BOMB! // Monkey!

There it is. I hope you enjoyed this video and that, like me, you'd like to watch this movie just to see how it actually sucks taken on its whole. Two directors? Maybe because the first one gave up when he realized this would be worse than shit. Curious then that he didn't appear as Alan Smithee, then.

Brokeback… to the Future

The other day, J.K. Rowling stated that the character of Professor Dumbledore was in fact gay. I don't know what she decided to mention that—it's going to give strenghten the anger of those who criticize the books for being anti-christian (even if there are lots of Christian elements in the them, like Christmas celebrations…). So then, Dumbledore is gay, but if we take a closer look on the films, there might be several other "gay" characters:



Remus and Sirius too:



Well, it's just silly. But this shows you how you can make a totally different film just by putting the pieces in another order.

As long as we're in the middle of a series of Brokeback Montain related parodies, I was also stunned by this secret relationship in Back to the Future:



Brilliant montage!

In the Lord of the Rings, too:



Lloyd and Harry from Dumb and Dumber:

The Empire Brokeback!

Droids have feelings: they can live a true love story:



Obi-Wan and Anakin were having an affair, too!



Even Han Solo and Chewie!



I love these parodies on the Brokeback Mountain theme! More tomorrow

Mr Bean: The Unknown Truth

Some genius on YouTube edited Bean: The Movie so that it gives us another message… Enjoy "Brokeback Bean"!



By the way, I watched Brokeback Mountain this summer, but I didn't find it that much interesting. The film could have been half an hour shorter. And I hate open endings. But still, I had some fun with my family because we had a laugh about every single detail that could be made fun of.