A bit of violence in this peaceful world

With Itchy and Scratchy, of course!



Nice best of!

Goblin Bowling Team: One of My Favourite Illustrations Ever

The other day, I was telling you about my afternoon at a bowling alley. I found a perfect illustration that depicts the moment perfectly. Check out this card:


It's a brilliant piece of artwork painted by the talented Pete Venters, one of my favourite illustrators of Magic—The Gathering. This card is part of an expansion (Unglued) that makes fun of the game. Hence the silliness of goblins playing bowling…

Bowling

Unlike me, my brother Robin sees his friends from time to time and they meet at the "Taverne de Herve" to have a drink. This time, they decided to go to the bowling alley in order to play, well, tenpin bowling. (Yeah, I checked out my dictionary.) The bowling alley being located in Fléron, 20 km away from home, someone had to drive him there. My parents being quite busy, I had to do that — but I was willing to: my brother said I could come if I wanted to. And I was longing for it: the last time I played bowling was two years ago.

We left home at 1.30 and went to Fléron. Normally, I wasn't allowed to drive the car with my brother in it: the Belgian driving licence system is extremely silly. The first version I had was one allowing me to drive with an adult and another passenger. The second version allowed me to drive with only one adult who was at least 26… But with that same version, I could transport 500 kilos of potatoes, or a horse in a trailer, or drive a small camper van!!! I told you the system was crazy!

At the bowling alley, we played two games… and I lost both. My average was 60 points, which was quite a disaster. Maybe because I'm forced to play with my right hand, even though I'm left handed. But that's no excuse. I paid the drinks, though: I was their guest. My brother's friends are nice guys, one of them is particularily aware of politics and of movie references — when I was his age, I hardly knew someone who was fan of The Godfather, for instance.

We also played pool (i.e. with 16 balls, unlike snooker: this one is played with 15 red balls and 6 of other colours) on an automatic table (we had to insert a one-euro coin to get the balls).

This day was great fun. I wish I did that more often.

Kingpin

Yesterday the channel BeTV broadcast a film I watch approximately seven years ago: Kingpin. I had really vague memories about it, but I remembered it was really funny—being directed by the Farelli Brothers, with talented actors such as Woody Harrelson, Bill Murray and Randy Quaid. All I knew from the plot was that it was a rivality between two bowling players.

So, we watched that film yesterday. Unfortunately, we discovered from the first lines of dialogue that it was the French-Canadian version! (We knew it not only from the names, pronounced in the American way, but also from the unfamiliar voices—I'm interested in voices, as you know). However, I seized the opportunity to look at the linguistic characteristics of a French-Canadian dubbing. All I can say is that I don't like it at all—and basically that's why both Canadian and French versions normally exist: the way of speaking (and I'm not even talking of pronuncing) is hugely different. French-Canadians accept translations that we would normally ban in France, because they are considered as "false friends" or "deceptive cognates". But on the other hand, and surprisingly enough, Canadians use terms like "abat" where the French would use English words, in this case: strike.

Enough of this.

My point was to tell you about the story and show you a scene from it. Here goes the basic plot (sorry, but it won't seem funny at all in the way I tell it):

Roy Munson (played by Woody Harrelson) had a gift for playing bowling. He practiced this game for years. When he was 21, his father let him go and live his dream of becoming a great bowling champion. Unfortunetely, his road crossed that of Ern Mc Cracken (played by Bill Murray), nicknamed Big Ern, who was a good bowling player, but not already known in that time. The later offered Munson to crook guys in a bowling. Unfortunately, the guys they crooked became mad at them, and Big Ern let the guys beat Munson, while he escaped. The guys put Roy's right hand in the device that brings the bowl back after you've hit the pins, and Roy shouts…

17 years later, Roy Munson has become a complete loser. And "to turn Munson" has become a popular phrase meaning, well, basically, "to become a loser". He has a pair of hooks instead of his right hand (which he can cover with a rubber prostetic hand), he's drinking whisky all the time, lives in a crappy flat whose landlord is an ugly old cow, and—ultimate sign that he's a loser—he's got a combover. One day, he meets Ichmael (Randy Quaid) at the bowling. Ich plays very well. But Ich was not meant to be there: he's an Amish…

After several events, Roy manages to persuade him to enter a big tournament in Reno, with an prize of $1 million offered to the winner. Roy helps Ich getting better at bowling, and they raise money by playing against other players. They finally arrive in Reno. But Big Ern is also present: since Roy's "accident" 17 years sooner, he had become US champion several times, and got very rich.

The day before the tournament, Ich breaks his left hand (that he plays with), and Roy's going to replace him, forced to play with his right rubber hand.

Roy is lucky: he makes it to the finals; his opponent is Big Ern. Here's an extract from that epic match.



As you can see, Big Ern's got a combover, too. And it's even worse than Roy's. Check this out (it's the last aim, determining whether Roy or Ern wins):



Have you seen that?! That's one of the ugliest combovers I've ever seen in the movie history. Ok, it was on purpose… But it definitely shows you how awful it is to have a combover: if a "combovered" person gets excited or walks in the wind, he'll end up his a floating mass of 1 feet long hair trying to escape from the skull!!! If you know someone in your family that's got a combover, show him this video and maybe he'll realize he's out of his mind to have a haircut like that.

And oh yeah, before I go: I've just written that the combover was used on purpose to show this is a silly hairstyle for losers. In Scary Movie 2, the actor David Cross also has a combover, just to make fun of it. But there are films where the combover is the "natural", or usual haircut of the actor. For instance, in Francis Ford Coppola's Godfather, Bonasera, the undertaker whose excellent words ("I believe in America") start the film, has got a combover. And, surprisingly, it changes in the film: one stripe at the beginning, and two later on… Curious, isn't it? And, of course, silly, isn't it?