"I can't talk right now, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you later?"Brilliant lines. Seinfeld came up with something else that's quite worth it, too:
"Erm… Well, I'm sorry, we're not allowed to do that…"
"Oh, I guess you don't want people calling you at home."
"No."
"Well now you know how I feel."
"Children go to bed in Superman pajamas, while Superman goes to bed in Chuck Norris pajamas."Don't forget to check out this website: ChuckNorrisFacts.com
"When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris."
"Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land."
"Chuck norris doesn't need a watch he just decides what time it is."
"Chuck Norris doesn't read. He stares at the book and the book gives him information."
"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits."
"When Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and came back, it was just called the Islands."
"Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse."
"There is no such thing as evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live."
"Chuck Norris is able to divide by zero."
"Chuck Norris counted to infinity ... Twice."
"Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
"Chuck Norris has the best poker face. He won the 1983 World Poker Tournament, using a hand containing a ticket stub, Monopoly money, a 2 of Clubs, a 5 of Hearts, and a Green #4 card from Uno."
"Chuck Norris leaves messages BEFORE the beep."
"Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it."
"When you search Chuck Norris on Google and spell his name wrong, it doesn't say 'did you mean Chuck Norris', it says 'Run while you have the chance.'"
"Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds."
"When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy."
"Chuck Norris died 2 years ago but death fears to say it to him"
"Chuck Norris's calendar jumps from March 31st to April 2nd....because nobody fools chuck Norris"
"Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo"
"Chuck Norris can beat rock with scissors."
This article or section is able to see into The Future.
Although Wikipedia is not a crystal ball, Uncyclopedia is, so we get to say what happens in the future and they don't.The modern method of predicting the future.Predicting the future is a common term among time fans eagerly awaiting its release. The term refers to any leaked information about the future, and assumptions created from that information, as well as pure conjecture. This consists mostly of fans making guesses based on the mistakes of the past, which was widely regarded as only fun for the hardcore time fans. There are many internet discussion forums where the world's greatest minds come together and argue with one another whether the Future will stick to its simple roots, or be a complete sell-out that is all about the graphics.
What makes predicting the future difficult is that it is protected by the CSS encryption algorithm. Anyone who has tried to predict it prior to the 18th century has died; this is not known for certain.
A short selection of things that will happen in the future, according to Uncyclopedia:
In a bit
- Vatican admits pretty much everything was a hoax. Longest April fools joke. Ever.
- The First Church of Spongebob opened
- Earth's magnetic poles mysteriously reverse positions. USA wakes up to discover that it is now in South America.
- Canada buys one (1) tank
Almost but not quite just about right now
- USA colonizes Uranus. Related jokes NEVER get old.
- Canada gets an army
Oh, a long ways off
- All forms of education rendered obsolete by the invention of brain transplants.
- Terrorists vaporise all Americans left in existence by setting fire to Uranus.
The last moments of the universe
- Humanity becomes intelligent
- Neo Germany makes a funny joke
- Weather service become 100% accuracy
- Bill Gates goes bankrupt
- Britney Spears regains custody of her children
- Death dies
- Chuck Norris wakes up and causes mass destruction
- First time machine made, Church of Scientology buys one and goes back to the start of humanity. Huge disappointment; someone stepped on an internet.
"This joke was lethal: no one could read it… and live."
Q: Which is the biggest society of belivers?.A couple of French jokes:
A: The Lada owners, they all belive they have a car!
Q: What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's Witness?
A: You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness.
Did you hear about the bloke who had his Lada broken into?
The thieves put him a radio in!
Q: What do you call a Lada going up a hill?
A: A bloody miracle.
Somewhere in the middle of Spain, a Lada is driving along and meets a donkey.
The donkey, never having seen a Lada before, asks: "What are you?"
The Lada says "I am a car. What are you?"
The donkey says "Hahahaha... If you're a car, I'm a horse!"
Heard of Lada's new turbo model?
It has pedals in the backseat, too!
Q: How do you make a Lada worth twice as much?
A: You fill up the gas tank.
Q: Why is the Lada's rear window heated?
A: So the hands of the people pushing it will not freeze.
Q: How do you make a Lada disappear?
A: You spray it with rust remover!
A Lada can reach a speed of 125 mph… if it's transported on the railway!
Did you know that the Lada's instruction book contains 500 pages?
There are two pages with information about the car and 498 pages with bus and train timetables.
Q: Why do insurance companies enjoy Lada's?
A: They are never stolen.
Q: Why is there light under the Lada's bonnet?
A: So you can fix it 24 hours a day.
Q: There is a new 16 valve Lada.
A: It has 8 in the engine, and 8 in the radio.
My cousin was unemployed. Then he became a Lada salesman.
He is still unemployed, but now we understand why
Q: Do you know what all the Lada owners are dreaming about?
A: Getting a ticket for speeding.
From a newspaper: To the man who stole my Lada in 20 degrees of frost.
Keep the Lada, but please tell me how you started it!
Did you know that there are only two men working in the Lada factory?
One with scissors and one with glue.
Q: Do you know what the trip counter in the Lada says when it's passing 20,000 miles?
A: Game Over!
Q: What's the difference between a Lada and a golf ball?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 metres.
--> Brilliant, but impossible to translate that into French!
Q: What do you call a Lada that starts first time?
A: A novelty.
Q: What do you call a Lada that overtakes you?
A: A mirage.
Q: What to you call a Lada with brakes?
A: Customised.
Q : Pourquoi deux conducteurs de Lada se reconnaissent immédiatement lorsqu'ils se rencontrent ?
R : Ils se sont vus le matin au garage.
Q : Combien peux-tu mettre de personnes dans une Lada ??
R : Tout dépend de la taille de la dépanneuse.
