Fort Boyaux

This sketch by Les Inconnus is a brilliant spoof on the French TV programme Fort Boyard where a team of six people has to complete tasks on an old sea fort in order to earn money.



"La salle inondée… 'y a plein d'eau !"

"Il est pas là le p'tit nain ?"

"Daniel : il aime le foot, la natation, le tennis, le vélo, l'athlétisme et surtout le sport."

"Richard : il aime le karaté, le kung-fu, le tai kwendo, le full contact et les fleurs."

"Jean-Yves : il aime la philosophie, l'archéologie, les sciences, la théologie et le journal 'L'Equipe'."

"Florence : elle aime Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Richard Gere et Gérard Holtz."

The 100 voices guy

Simply amazing, although it's not perfect.

50 impersonations in 50 seconds

Only thatguywiththeglasses could be crazy enough to do that:



Keaton: "I'm Batman"
Clooney: "I'm Batman"
Maguire: "I'm Spiderman"
Bloom: "I'm boring"

T: "Foo!"

You: "SHUT UP!"


Brilliant.

Lookalikes (2)

Just another series of uncanny resemblances…




Unbelievable!




What a coincidence!


No wayyyyyy!


So the Red Baron is still alive…


"I bloody told you so!"


Just a bit…


Unbelievable! Exactly what I thought! Wilhelm von Homburg, the guy who played the evil Vigo in Ghostbusters II always made me think of Fred Thompson, another actor/politician.


What a disgrace! (for both, I mean)


Already mentioned as well.


This is definitely the best lookalike ever.

The God and Devil Show: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Niet meer dakloos in Utrecht

A couple of days ago I was telling you about my housing problem in Utrecht, because I didn't have one and I was really sick and tired of the Dutch housing system. However, I did find a room! I can't believe it myself! (Well I do, but it's just a way of speaking… or "writing", rather.) Let me tell you how I found it.

On Thurday I went to the Educatorium on the Leuvenlaan, in De Uithof (where most of the Utrecht University lectures are given except for the Law and Humanities Faculties) because all the Erasmus and other exchange students could obtain information about activities related to culture, sports, etc. but also the so-called "inschrijving bij de gemeente" and many other things. We also listened to a girl from Canada who told us about her stay in Utrecht and we were introduced to the ESN (for Erasmus Student Network) of Utrecht. On a notice board I spotted a short message on a sheet of paper: "Kamer te huur in Bilthoven. Graag bellen op (…)" or something like that. I called the guy and made an appointment on Sunday at two o'clock.

So I went to Bilthoven and met with Mustafa, who's about 25 years old and decided to let two rooms of his appartment to share the rent. He showed me the room (2 meters by 4,5, roughly), the kitchen, the loo, the bathroom, the living room with television and a dining room with a big brand-new fridge — so I won't nuke it. Most important of all: everything was clean — just as if Mr. Clean was a friend of Mustafa. We chatted for half an hour and we got on very well with each other. I told him about my housing problems and told him I was really interested. He then replied that I could have the room directly! Surprised, I asked if there were other candidates and he retorted that he preferred the "first come, first served" system. So later in the day I told him I'd take the room.

On Monday afternoon Mustafa came to Zeist, at Magali's to help me with my luggage and my camp bed, and we drove to Bilthoven, and then he showed me where the train station, the shops etc. were located, and after that I unpacked my luggage.

Here are some pictures that I took in the apartment:

– My bed and the radiator


Same thing, but from the opposite side:


– The corridor:


– The entrance, with the kitchen on the left and the toilet on the right:


– The kitchen:


– The shower, curiously without glass walls to contain water (as is the case everywhere in the Netherlands):


– The living room:


– The dining room, with fridge:


– What I can see from the front window:


Mustafa told me he didn't have an internet connexion yet, but there are several WiFi networks in the building, so I decided to "take advantage of them" because as you know I can't live without the Web.

See you soon from more news from Utrecht!


PS. I don't know why but I just thought it was appropriate to feature this "C'est la fête" song, from the French-dubbed version of "Be our guest" in The Beauty and the Beast. It's Daniel Beretta (known for being the usual French voice of Arnold Scharzenegger) who sings:

Brokebat Mountain

Yesterday I was telling you about the biggest pile of poo in the movie history, Batman & Robin. It was notably criticised for Batman and Robin having so-called "Bat nipples" on their Batsuits, arguing that director Joel Schumacher wanted to give them a gay look. That would of course strengthen that feeling of the "ambiguously gay duo" (as in the song) in the minds of the opposants to Schumacher's conception of the franchise. However, this alleged gay tone allows us to find highlight some interesting lines, and to make use of them in subtile parodies of the Brokeback Mountain theme.

"All you could think about was dick" --> LMAO

"Can you feel it coming?"

"You're not thinking straight."

And I almost forgot to show you the best part of the movie: you'll be surprised:





Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: Batman.

NostalgiaCritic analyses… "Batman & Robin"!

Here's the trailer of the most awaited critic/critique of one of the worst movies (or "pile of shit", I should write) that has ever been created. I even watched this "thing" this very afternoon, just to have a good laugh and then after I re-watched the brilliant review made by thatguywiththeglasses.



Perhaps you are willing to watch the movie trailer — but don't do it if you don't want to waste 2,5 minutes of your life.



Now, if you're ready, please watch this amazing review (sorry but there's no imbedding on his website):

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/nostalgia-critic/34-nostalgia-critic/234-batman-and-robin

500

Yep, that's it: I've made it to my 500th blog entry… Time flies. I was wondering what I would post for that special occasion, but I had no idea. My back up plan was of course to google "500" on YouTube and here's what I found: a guy whose challenge put to himself was to impersonate 500 facial expressions. You'll be awazed to see that he succeeds!



Another impersonator:



"It's not a tumour!" (Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Cop)

I found another nice video related to 500, actually the review of the Mercedes S500 (aka S-Class) by old-timer Jeremy Clarkson the Great:

Bill Shaky

Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson) meets William Shakespeare (Hugh Laurie), telling him he's most unsatisfied with the pace of the action in Hamlet



Please also watch this fake trailer for a film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger as Hamlet — as he did in a mise en abyme in Last Action Hero.



Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: Hamlet.

Home Alone alternate endings!

What happens if we apply the alternate ending technique to Home Alone? Well, something like this:

"Where did he go?"
"Maybe he commited suicide…" --> I love Marvin!

Now, what if Kevin underestimated the power of a a toilet full of petrol?



This reminds me of the Ocean's Eleven alternate ending:

John McClane fears nobody

Our friend from the Editing Room has come up with two other alternate endings for Die Hard:

It's probably some stock broker got depressed…

And another, this time a crossover with Terminator and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie:

Casey Jones: Ooops!!

Die Harder

What if some genius had the idea of giving a twisted ending to all of the Die Hard movies??

Die Hard I



Die Hard II



Apparently, John McClane rose from the dead:

Die Hard III



Arnie "Governator" Schwarzie killed Zeus!

And this time, will McClane be lucky to get rid of his opponent?

Die Hard IV



Apparently John McClane likes being butchered…

"The Simpsons Movie" Should Be Rated "PG-16" (at least!)

I went to the cinema for the third time this year/summer. I watched "The Simpsons Movie", as I was planning since a year, when the first teaser came out. It was just a gag with the S of Superman's chest, but worn on Homer's T-shirt.



Then, other teasers and theatrical trailers were released in the cinemas and on the Internet, showing images of a film that looked great.







And great it was! Actually, it's like a regular episode, but longer (approx. 90 minutes). It allows for a broader storyline (obviously) and more visual easter eggs.

Talking about that, I got a little angry when I saw roughly 150 children entering the room, accompanied by their parents. But why? I mean, OK, that's a cartoon, and there are visual gags that would make them laugh, but The Simpsons isn't just about visual gags! There are dozens of cultural references in each episode, and that means that there were a lot more (hidden) references (or, as we call them, "Easter eggs") in a film.

That is the reason why I decided to enumerate the occurences of gags and references that little kids (say, under 12 years old) couldn't possibly understand, be they cultural, political, sociological, religious, sexual, or visual. (It means it doesn't count if I hear any childish laughter.)

For instance, do the children understand why it is funny to make of Arnold Scharzenegger the President of the United States? And first, do they know who he is???

Message to ignorants:
The answer is that there's a widespread joke that Arnie, like the late Ronald Reagan did, would become President after a successful career as an actor. Of course, it's impossible for him to be elected president: the Constitution says that you have to be born on American ground—and Arnie was born in Austria. Nevertheless, in Demolition Man (a film with Sylvester Stalone), Arnold Schwarzenegger is just mentioned as the 44th President of the USA, because the Senate had changed an Amendment so that he could be elected…

I also spotted many references to Star Wars (by the way, the films are known to contain loads of Easter eggs, too): it is probably the most popular story in the USA, after the Bible though. It's normal that such references occur in the movie. However, I can't see how these kids could see the allusion… (But adults and fans like me would.) I mean: Star Wars is far less popular in Europe than in America, for few children know the films. When I was in 3rd grade at secondary school, I asked all my classmates who had seen the films. Only one had. Hopeless.

Well, at the end of the movie, I had counted 98 instances of such "non-understandable-things-for-under-12s". 98. And counting: I talked about it with my mother and brother (with whom I went and see the film) and they had spotted things that I hadn't. I guess I'll have to see it once more. But maybe not at the cinema. I'll wait till I get the DVD. So that I can watch it without any pop-corn or crisps-eating kid in my sight… (That's one of this millenium's scourges, in my opinion.)

That's why I'm saying that the film should get a PG-16 rating (or its various national equivalents): let's ban children from serious movies they won't understand. My mother saw and heard children getting bored: they obviously couldn't understand this movie.

Oh, and the hell with them! They piss me off!

(Sorry for looking so unkind and "callous", but I can't help it. Perhaps the reason is that I was a reasonable kid and I never shouted silly comments at the cinema, nor did I eat crisps all the time…)

News From The Grave

On the news, I heard today that two celebrities had left us.

1) Ingmar Bergman, the Swedish director. What I knew about him was: "His films are long, boring, with characters that whisper all the time; you always hear the wind and/or a clock". Nothing that could appeal a 19-year-old boy from Belgium who's addicted to Star Wars, parodies and comedies. I also knew he had directed a film called The Seventh Seal. Why? Simply because a bit of it is shown in the terrific Last Action Hero, by John McTiernan, with Arnold "Not-Yet-Gouvernator" Schwarzenegger.

In this movie, a magic golden ticket allows a boy to enter another world. This boy, Danny, accidentally enters the world of his hero, Jack Slater (played by Arnie). Later in the movie, after several events, be magic tickets gets lost and lands in front of some obscure cinema (or "theater", for the action takes place in the USA) where they show The Seventh Seal by Bergman. Suddenly, Death (Sir Ian McKellen — even though he wasn't playing in Bergman's film) tears the screen with help of his scathe [yeah! I managed to use that rare word!] and walks in the streets of New York… Death slightly touches a police officer busy eating a donut, and this guy starts coughing and coughing — and probably dies of it, but we don't see it. (What a shame!)


2) Michel Serrault, the French actor. I admit I didn't watched a lot of films in which he has a role, but I definitely loved his part in Le Viager, by Pierre Tchernia. This is a movie that basically shows the evolution of the French society between 1930 and 1970. (And that is the reason why it is shown in several schools. True, true.) What can I say about this film from 1972? Unfortunately, there's no extract coming from it to be found on YouTube.

The story starts in 1930 with this poor Monsieur Martinet (Michel Serrault), who's gonna turn 60 and feels sick. That's why he goes to the doctor's: Docteur Léon Galipeau (Michel Galabru). This doc tells Martinet he's old and his heart is just tired of a long life. Galipeau advises him to retire, for he only has two years left before dying, he thinks. Martinet says he owns a house in Saint-Tropez, "a village with many fishers".

At that moment, Galipeau's face turns into a big smile: he sees the opportunity of a great bargain. He asks Martinet to sell his house to him and his family by using the viager (i.e. reverse [or lifetime] mortgage) system. It consists of paying each year a amount of money to the owner, until he/she dies. This amount of money is linked (or "indexed") to the price of some kind of goods in the stock exchange; in this case: aluminum. Galipeau thinks he's not gonna pay a lot: "Martinet va mourir bientôt", he thinks.

Galipeau and his family (his wife, his brother, his sister-in-law and their new-born son: Noël — because he's born on Christmas), visit Martinet's house in Saint-Tropez. It's an idyllic place, with a big garden and a beautiful view on the sea.

Years pass by, but Martinet won't die! He even gets better and better, taking care of his house, his dog (Kiki) and his garden. He also has a lot of social contacts and even helps the postman in his 22-km ride!

Years pass by, and the Second World War approaches, and eventually bursts out. Galipeau used to say: "C'est qui ça, Hitler ? Un petit peintre en bâtiment… (…) Le fascisme, c'est un feu de paille ! (…) Faites-moi confiance. Vous allez voir : dans deux ans, on va rire !" (Next image: the bombings on Paris!!!)

What's funny in this movie is that Galipeau always keeps predicting things that won't happen. Whenever he says "Faites-moi confiance", the audience is sure he's wrong.

Years pass by, and the War is over. Meanwhile the Galipeaus had unsuccessfully tried to make of Martinet a traitor, but he eventually gets given a medal!

Years pass by, and the aluminum gets more and more expensive…

Years pass by, and the Galipeaus lose the grandpa, then the sister-in-law, then the brother (who, meanwhile, also tried to kill Martinet), then the doc's wife.

Years pass by, and Noël gets older. He's grown into a criminal and is now convicted with theft. Fortunately, Martinet, in a tearsome testimony, manages to get Noël freed. Galipeau dies of heart attack.

Noël is now 40 and is fed up with this viager who won't die. His whole family is dead, while Martinet is still alive. He plans to kill him on the day of Martinet's 100th birthday, covered by the noise of fireworks. Noël drives the car in which all the rockets and other fireworks item lie, but suddenly the car cigar lighter pops out of its plug and the car turns into a fireball… When the last fireworks device explodes (in fact: one of the car's lights) in the skies, Martinet says to his 8th dog: "Et voilà Kiki : c'était le bouquet !"

That was the story.

In my opinion, this film is the 3rd best French movie of all time. The second best is Gérard Oury's La Grande Vadrouille with Louis De Funès and Bourvil; the best one ever is definitely Les Trois Frères, by and with Les Inconnus. But that's another story.

Kindergarten Cop

It's been a long time since I have showed you something about our favourite Governator. Usually, he deals with powerful moguls or deadly machines or some other leathal stuff, but here, his task was to take care of children…



This is a montage from Kindergarten Cop, also featuring Pamela Reed, in which Arnie plays a cop who's running an investigation on a drug dealer, so he has to go teaching to children aged 5 or 6 as an undercover cop in a kindergarden school (in Astoria, Oregon), because the dealer's kid is in that specific class… But those children are definitely monsters, that's why he gets angry…

PS. The film's French title is: Un flic à la maternelle.

Arnie is Hamlet!!!

This is terrific! If only we had movies like that, instead of those boring versions! Scene taken from Last Action Hero.

And because I really love the French version, here it is: