7/31/2008

Male driving

The other day I posted a video showing a woman having some trouble getting into a parking lot which she didn't seem to find too small. I also wondered if it wasn't a coincidence that the driver was a woman. There's a common belief that women can't drive, and that's sometimes fair to say that. Fortunately, such things as the parking disaster aren't common place. Besides, men can be terrible at driving as well. Here's a video on the origins of the phenomenon:



A silly commercial:



A picture slideshow featuring some car wrecks, most of which are to be attributed to male drivers in my opinion:



1:26 --> Welcome to Kazakhstan!

Rally drivers (all men, of course: women are clever enough not to take part in these races) are known to be dumb, stupid, daft, idiotic jackasses. In the following video, none of them manages to get past a corner successfully:



Note that gradually more people came to witness the accidents!

Soldiers driving a Hummer in Iraq:



"We brake for nobody"

7/30/2008

Ode to Joy

Just watch Beaker (i.e. one of the Muppets, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew's scientific assistent) who multiplied himself in order to recreate Beethoven's Ode to Joy ("a choral symphony for four solo voices, chorus, and orchestra", "in the fifth and final movement of his Ninth Symphony", as stated on Wikipedia [because I don't know anything about classical music]) — for Statler and Waldorf's delight, of course.



Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: Beethoven.

This image proves that Beethoven was either a pimp, the villain The Joker from the Batman comics or a very angry man
This image proves that Beethoven was either a pimp, the villain The Joker from the Batman comics or a very angry man

Image:480px-Beethoven-Shopping.jpg

7/29/2008

Episode III gets reviewed

I recently found a really good review of Star Wars Episode III and I thought it could be interesting to feature it on this blog, among the other piles of random stuff that I accumulate on a daily basis. (I hope some of you saw the film, at least…)



"Count Dracula shows up. The Chancellor says: 'Get help. You're no match for him. He's a Sith Lord.' Dude, where are they gonna get help?!?"

" … and what does this shithead ever do to make you fall in love with him? All he ever did was bitch everyone else including Ooba-Dooba, make blatantly treacherous remarks and — I wanna stress this again — he committed mass murder and Ooba-Dooba knows it."



"Obi-Wan must carefully sneak up to his position. So naturally, since he must be as covert as possible, he picks the biggest, loudest thing he can possibly find to ride up there. This thing makes noises like a dying giraffe: it's so loud the whole damn planet would be alarmed to its presence, and the damn thing even starts shouting right at the enemy's base!"

"The Emperor whips out a lightsaber and does some of that jumping around crap. The three Jedi Windu brought with him use an ancient Jedi defence technique known as 'Standing There And Letting Your Opponent Kill You', until it's soon just Windu vs. the Chancellor."



"'But wait, Obi-Wan! If Leia is my sister, then who was our mother?'
'Ow… she was the Queen of Naboo. But when things didn't work out between her and your father she lost the will to live and just up and died.'
'Ya know, she was having two kids… She didn't think it was worth living for us?'
'I guess not, Luke.'
'Oh, what a bitch!'"

7/28/2008

Chuck Norris facts

Are you familiar with an Internet phenomenon called "Chuck Norris Facts"? After watching this video with the actor himself, you'll know what I'm talking about.



Here are some more Chuck Norris facts that I found in the video description:
"Children go to bed in Superman pajamas, while Superman goes to bed in Chuck Norris pajamas."

"When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris."

"Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land."

"Chuck norris doesn't need a watch he just decides what time it is."

"Chuck Norris doesn't read. He stares at the book and the book gives him information."

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits."

"When Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and came back, it was just called the Islands."

"Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse."

"There is no such thing as evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live."

"Chuck Norris is able to divide by zero."

"Chuck Norris counted to infinity ... Twice."

"Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

"Chuck Norris has the best poker face. He won the 1983 World Poker Tournament, using a hand containing a ticket stub, Monopoly money, a 2 of Clubs, a 5 of Hearts, and a Green #4 card from Uno."

"Chuck Norris leaves messages BEFORE the beep."

"Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it."

"When you search Chuck Norris on Google and spell his name wrong, it doesn't say 'did you mean Chuck Norris', it says 'Run while you have the chance.'"

"Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds."

"When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy."

"Chuck Norris died 2 years ago but death fears to say it to him"

"Chuck Norris's calendar jumps from March 31st to April 2nd....because nobody fools chuck Norris"

"Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo"

"Chuck Norris can beat rock with scissors."
Don't forget to check out this website: ChuckNorrisFacts.com


Featured Uncyclopedia article: Chuck Norris, obviously.


Chuck Norris had a paper route when he was younger; there were no survivors.
Chuck Norris had a paper route when he was younger; there were no survivors.

Meet a friend of his, Zidane:

Could this be the true destruction of the Death Star?

7/27/2008

Another silly video



"Thanks for coming, welcome to the White House." *Fart* [Looks surprised and amazed.]

7/26/2008

Hopeless attempt

Finding a parking space isn't easy. Getting your car parked on it might be a right kerfuffle, as shown in the following video.



PS. The driver turns out to be a woman. Is it a coincidence?
;-) to Alexandre

7/25/2008

Purple Boy

In the early 1990s I used to watch cartoons called The Dick Tracy Show, as part of the show Nouba-Nouba. I remember it beceause I kept an episode on a cassette, "The Purple Boy".



(I love Pruneface's face when he says the painting is worth a fortune.)

PS. If you know this series, please inform me. (That's what we call a fool's hope.)

7/24/2008

Language Lab

For those of you who would miss this kind of course:

7/23/2008

The Dark Knight

Today I went to the cinema to see The Dark Knight. This is truly the best film I've seen in years, not only for the brilliant script, dramatic scenes, perfect photography, but also for Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker. It wasn't Ledger on the screen, but just the Joker. Jack Nicholson's performance in Batman was already fantastic, but here Ledger gives the character a new dimension, namely that of a psychotic villain killing just to satisfy himself, and enjoying creating chaos in Gotham City. It wouldn't be much of a surprise if Ledger is awarded a posthumous Academy Award in March 2009, and if the film is nominated for Best Picture as well: Christopher Nolan did a marvellous job — just like in Batman Begins, being the mastermind behind both the script and the camera. I'm definitely going to see this movie a couple of extra times! I highly recommend it to you, even if you don't give a shit about the Batman franchise; go and watch it for the sake of it. Maybe this scene featuring Ledger will further convince you:



"This town deserves a better class of criminals. And I'm gonna give it to 'em. Tell all your men they work for me now."
"They won't work for a freak!"
"Frrrreak?"

And here's just another excellent trailer:



"Dent! Jesus! I thought you was dead…"
"Half." --> Brilliant. Harvey Dent / Two-Face's make up was terrific!

As a bonus, I even found the complete opening scene of the movie, a clever bank robbery by the Joker. If you never watch the videos I feature, please watch at least this one!!!

7/22/2008

The sound of music

The Dark Knight D-Day minus 1! Meanwhile, let's listen to some good pieces from the soundtrack composed by Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard.

Track 8: Like a dog chasing cars



Track 12: Introduce a little anarchy



Track 14: A Dark Knight

7/21/2008

National Day

Just like last year (and actually like in 2004, 2005 and 2006) I went to Brussels with my brother to take part to the Belgian National Day celebrations. This time we took the car to get there, but it was quite difficult to find a proper parking lot, because it was forbidden to park in a lot of streets for "security reasons", I suppose. My brother and I walked to the Cathedral, where a so-called te deum mass was taking place; the majority of important politicians, magistrates, judges, ambassadors and some members of the royal family were attending the ceremony. On the following picture, you can see the Prime Minister's car (A.2) and Mr Reynders's car (A.3). (Incidentally, A.1 belongs to the president of the Chamber of Representatives, i.e. Herman Van Rompuy.)


In front of the Cathedral lots of pro-Belgium, pro-monarchy people were waiting for the King to appear, shouting "Vive le Roi !". Curiously I didn't hear the same slogan in Dutch. However, "België best" (instead of the nationalistic "België barst") was embroided on a flag. There were more people than last year, as I can recall.


The King, the Queen and their sister-in-law Queen Fabiola got out of the Cathedral and got in their luxury cars. (I found that quite unfortunate, since King Albert II complained about poverty in his semi-annual speech the very day before. He was saying that we (i.e. not him) had to make an effort to help people who are in need. My first reaction was to say that he could spend his own money on that, because His Majesty's fortune is one of the biggest in Europe.) The cars were preceded by a hundred of splendid horses.

After that I walked with my brother to the Place Jourdan where the famous "Friterie Antoine" is located. We bought chips (2,20 € for a pack) and we ate them in the park just next to the European Parliament and the Institute of Natural Sciences. Then we walked in the streets of Ixelles/Elsene before we slowly got to the heart of the city, finally reaching the Court Hall where the police had installed all sorts of stands promoting their administration. Here's a photograph taken from the Court Hall, showing you that a bad spell of weather was coming.

We continued our walk through Brussels, passing in front of the well-known Manneken Pis (wearing the same awful clothes as last year), then we strolled on the Grand Place.



After that, we wanted to get to the Belgian Parliament, in order to visit it for the fourth time, but there were so many people on the Rue de la Loi / Wetstraat due to the military parade that it was impossible to get to the Parliament, let alone all those umbrellas! (By the way, it was the first time in five years that it was raining.)



So we gave up, swearing that we would get back next year, unless Belgium doesn't exist anymore.



Note: you can also read my account on last year's excursion in Brussels; there are some interesting parallels. Some things changed, like the price of a pack of chips: 2,20 € instead of 2,10 €, while potatoes are cheaper than last year!

I was especially surprised by the accurateness of a prediction I had made: "Nous sommes passés devant le Ministère (non, SPF) de la Défense, où André Flahaut, à l’entrée, un verre de champagne à la main, accueillait pour la dernière fois ses généraux et autres chefs d’état-major." Indeed, we know that Mr Flahaut (Parti Socialiste) has been replaced by Mr De Crem (Christen-Democratisch & Vlaams) and that the latter's politics are far from being as liberal as that of his predecessor. As a result, there was no party for army officials in front of the Ministery! Generals and other that scum "working" in headquarters must regret Mr Flahaut and his soft politics that made of the Belgian army an amusement park.

7/20/2008

Greece v Germany

Missing the Euro 2008 football compatition? Coming directly from Monty Python Live at Hollywood Ball here's the long-awaited football match opposing Greek and German philosophers!!!



"Beckenbauer is a bit of a surprise there…"

"Nietsche has just been booked for arguing with the referee."

7/19/2008

Brokebat Mountain

Yesterday I was telling you about the biggest pile of poo in the movie history, Batman & Robin. It was notably criticised for Batman and Robin having so-called "Bat nipples" on their Batsuits, arguing that director Joel Schumacher wanted to give them a gay look. That would of course strengthen that feeling of the "ambiguously gay duo" (as in the song) in the minds of the opposants to Schumacher's conception of the franchise. However, this alleged gay tone allows us to find highlight some interesting lines, and to make use of them in subtile parodies of the Brokeback Mountain theme.



"All you could think about was dick" --> LMAO

"Can you feel it coming?"

"You're not thinking straight."

And I almost forgot to show you the best part of the movie: you'll be surprised:





Today's Uncyclopedia featured article: Batman.

7/18/2008

NostalgiaCritic analyses… "Batman & Robin"!

Here's the trailer of the most awaited critic/critique of one of the worst movies (or "pile of shit", I should write) that has ever been created. I even watched this "thing" this very afternoon, just to have a good laugh and then after I re-watched the brilliant review made by thatguywiththeglasses.



Perhaps you are willing to watch the movie trailer — but don't do it if you don't want to waste 2,5 minutes of your life.



Now, if you're ready, please watch this amazing review (sorry but there's no imbedding on his website):

http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/nostalgia-critic/34-nostalgia-critic/234-batman-and-robin

7/17/2008

And now for something completely absurd…

Bicycle Repairman! (From Monty Python's Flying Circus, of course.)

7/16/2008

Hancock

I'm definitely going to see this movie in the upcoming weeks, because I was stunned by the trailer (which you can watch below) and also by the positive critics that I've read. Moreover, the fact that the story is about a fallen superhero who gets drunk appeals me, perhaps because it's satirical and because it's unusual for a superhero, precisely.

7/15/2008

The Clone Wars

The Clone Wars, this brand new computer-animated movie meant to take place between Episode II and Episode III sounds definitely promising. I'm looking forward to watching it!





If you liked the French version of the new trilogy, the following trailer shows us that the same voice actors (e.g. Roger Carel as C3PO, Emmanuel Garijo as Anakin, Jean Lescot as Yoda, Georges Claisse as Darth Sidious) were hired:

7/14/2008

Robinson Sucroë

For cartoon nostalgics amongst you (if any), I've found the first episode of Robinson Sucroë, a spoof on Daniel Dafoe's Robinson Crusoe:









If you know this series, please post a comment!

If you feel like singing the song, here are the lyrics (which, I admit, I could still recall):
Robinson Sucroé avait promis de raconter sa vie
Sur une p'tite île déserte il avait trouvé l'endroit rêvé
Le ciel bleu, plage dorée, les tapis de bandes vertes
Mais il sut la vérité! Son île était surpeuplée, c'était dur!
Il y avait des Touléjours, des pirates tout autour.
Robinson t'as des ennuis, heureusement y'a Mercredi.
Robinson Sucroé, c'était fatal, devenait paresseux
Mercredi, à sa place, dans le journal, parlait de monstres affreux.
Pour Floyd c'était ainsi le succès chaque semaine
Uglyston était jaloux, préparait des mauvais coups pour prouver
Qu'il y avait des Touléjours, des pirates tout autour.
Robinson t'as des ennuis, heureusement... Y'a Mercredi!

Disclaimer: It was purely accidental that I post a video in French on the Fourteenth of July (aka Bastille Day).

7/13/2008

The audience is now deaf

Today I'd like to show you two parodies of the well-known THX trailers's "Deep Note", i.e. the audio logo that's the trademark of the sound system.



Wikipedia: "The 1992 made-for-video feature Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation shows a Deep Note–like trailer blasting a theatre, concluding with the text 'THUD: The Audience Is Now Deaf.'"



I really love this movie. I watch it every 30 June.

Wikipedia (again, I'm lazy today): "In a 1994 episode of The Simpsons entitled "Burns' Heir", a THX trailer plays before a film, blowing the audience back, shattering eyeglasses, teeth, and even causing one person's head to explode; The audience whoops in response. Grampa Simpson shouts, "Turn it up! Turn it up!" This segment was later turned into a THX theatrical trailer."

7/12/2008

Alles kan beter (6)

Who said that Italians spoke with their hands? Jean-Pierre Detremmerie, president of the football club of Mouscron, is "interviewed" by Mark Uytterhoeven: