John McClane fears nobody

Our friend from the Editing Room has come up with two other alternate endings for Die Hard:

It's probably some stock broker got depressed…

And another, this time a crossover with Terminator and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie:

Casey Jones: Ooops!!

Catch 'Em If You Can

In today's Simpsons episode (braodcast on Club RTL) there was a remarkable spoof made on the opening credits of Steven Spielberg's Catch Me If You Can. Let's watch those first:



I find it highly original, and John Williams's music is — as always — tremendous.

Let's now watch the parody, just after I mention that Homer and Marge try to escape from Bart and Lisa because they'd like to be alone just one day.



In one word: wicked!

One, Two, Tree

Here's the introduction of the Christmas special episode (my personal favourite) of the brilliant Britcom Father Ted, with the late Dermot Morgan as Father Ted Crilly. This extract also features Ardal O'Hanlon as Father Dougal McGuire and Frank Kelly as Father Jack Hackett (the grumpy old man).

Father Jack: "A pair of fecking women's knickers!!!!"

S.N.O.T.

What happens if you search for "snot" in YouTube? (I know it's a silly idea, but that's how I am.) Well, you find lots of things like these three videos:



This politician's named John Edwards. I think that many people will not vote for him due to this video…

In the next one, we find out that germs can actually affect the pope (yet I thought he was in the grace of God…):



He says in Polish:

"It will proceed in city of grace (atchoo) (applauses)
As it happens, and ecumenical meaning can have sneeze." (translation by a YouTuber)

And the last one is so outrageous that I'm just gonna link it… (Mr Romero and Martin, is this really outrageous???)

Landscape

Instead of talking about "linguistic landscapes" (cf. the summary in Dutch I posted last Friday), let's enjoy this beautiful painting by Rob Alexander, an illustrator who works for Magic—The Gathering:


It's almost like in this commercial for Joival, the milk brand…

Chessington

Why haven't shown you yet the most-seen of my videos on YouTube? Probably because I never thought of it. So there it is: it's a skecth from the second series of Little Britain, with David Walliams (here as Lou) and Matt Lucas (here as Andy).

In Herby, Andy Pipkin is enjoying is annual bath…

I thought you hated France! I thought you said the French could never been forgiven for surrendering to the German war machine, and collaborating with the occupier by setting up the Vichy Government...

If you have enjoyed this evening's programme, you might like to travel back in time half an hour and watch it again.

--> Brilliant quote! I wish I could do that sometimes!

Andy wanted to go to Chessington World of Adventure (if you didn't understand what Lou mumbles…).

And, believe it or not, the crew actually went to Paris to shoot that scene!!

Walt Disney: Emperor of Dreams

Here's the final version of my blog entry about Walt Disney, which I also posted on germ@namur. Maybe I'm just gonna change a few links, adding silly things (like the spoof on Honey I Shrunk the Kids).

Who has never heard of Walt Disney? This world-famous cartoon director and businessman was born on 5 December 1901 in Chicago, IL. He is an icon in American culture, as will be shown in this blog entry.

Walt Elias Disney started his career as an advertising illustrator, but failing to meet the success he desired, he left his hometown to go to Hollywood. He founded a cartoon production company (known today as the Walt Disney Company), and a couple of years later, his Steamboat Willie made him famous, with its introduction of the character of Mickey Mouse. This film was the first in an endless series of worldwide-successful cartoons such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Pinocchio, Bambi, Cinderella and Alice in Wonderland – among many others.

But Disney’s interest lay not only in cartoons, but also in live-action movies: he most notably produced Mary Poppins, starring Julie Andrews. Disney also invested his money and his time in the creation of an amusement park in California, Disleyland. This theme park was designed in such a way that all American families could walk in a fantasy world that would remind everybody of his cartoons, for instance by getting lost in Alice in Wonderland’s labyrinth. As a philanthropist, he decided to create a new university, CalArts (short for California Institute of Arts), in order to promote the creativity of talented people who would probably become prominent in the arts.

Walt Disney died of lung cancer on 15 December 1966 — he was a heavy smoker. An urban legend says that Walt Disney was cryonically frozen, but he was actually cremated. Despite his death, his work was carried on by others, through the Walt Disney Company, which is now owned by his offspring. For example, several other theme parks were built in Florida, Tokyo and Paris. Even a Disney Cruise Line was opened in the Caribbean.

As far as the movie legacy is concerned, the Walt Disney Company went on to make not only many other successful cartoons such as The Beauty and the Beast, but also live-action films among which Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and hybrid forms mixing traditional animation with live action, e.g. Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The latter is the only film featuring characters from Disney and from Warner Bros. in the same frame.



For almost a dozen years, the Walt Disney Company has invested more and more money in computer-animated films, which notably resulted in the two Toy Story films. These were made by the Pixar Animation Studios, which are now owned by Disney. Their most recent released film is Ratatouille.

In conclusion, Walt Disney is considered as an important character in the American, but also world culture, which makes him a legend. His future-oriented empire is one of the most powerful, and it still has many wonderful stories to tell, making us wander in the utmost fantastic universe.



Simon Labate and Quentin Poncelet

Die Harder

What if some genius had the idea of giving a twisted ending to all of the Die Hard movies??

Die Hard I



Die Hard II



Apparently, John McClane rose from the dead:

Die Hard III



Arnie "Governator" Schwarzie killed Zeus!

And this time, will McClane be lucky to get rid of his opponent?

Die Hard IV



Apparently John McClane likes being butchered…

Clarkson is beaten…

Remember my passion for watching Jeremy Clarkson destrying cars? Some talented YouTuber got this brilliant idea: putting together as many movie car crashes as possible. Here's what it looks like:

Part 1



Part 2



Part 3



Morality: always fasten your seatbelt when you get into a car!!!

Good guy! I can't figure out how this man had the courage to make such a montage… It probably took him hundreds of hours…

Would someone be nice and count the number of cars that were destroyed??? Think about all the stunt cordinators that have to create such "choregraphies" (I mean by that "stunts", of course). So many crashes, but all of them are completely different…

Public idiot

My mother sent me this video made by a supporter of the Royal Sporting Club Anderlecht… Interesting to see from a linguistic point of view…



What do you think of this? I think he can't even speak French… I don't even know what he's talking about! I hope it won't make bad publicity to Anderlecht…

Wait, I found another video by this guy… Apparently, he does speak French (OK, not a very good one):



Nondidjû! (…) On va vous massacrer !

Even the press (OK, La Meuse is not the best newspaper) heard about it.

It also reminds me of that video where François Duval tries to explain how he crashed his car… Idiot.

"Ventriloquie magazine" (title borrowed from Miam Monster Miam)

Don't have much time to write, so just watch this brilliant ventriloquism sketch featuring Achmed the Terrorist by Jeff Dunham:



ROFL

"Chubby little looser, pathetic little fat man"

David Bowie makes fun of Andy Millman (Ricky Gervais) in an episode of the second season of Extras, a Britcom (or "shitcom", as they called it in one episode) I really enjoyed watching this summer:

"Life's a piece of shit when you look at it"

As I'm running out of time to make things I like, I can only post this brilliant bit from the Monty Python's Life of Brian: "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"



Lyrics:

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse,
When you're chewing life's gristle,
Don't grumble,
Give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistle]
Always look on the light side of life.
[whistle]

If life seems jolly rotten,
There's something you've forgotten,
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps,
Don't be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle.
That's the thing.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
[whistle]
Always look on the right side of life,
[whistle]

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word.
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin.
Give the audience a grin.
Enjoy it. It's your last chance, anyhow.
So,...

Always look on the bright side of death,
[whistle]
Just before you draw your terminal breath.
[whistle]

Life's a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke it's true.
You'll see it's all a show.
Keep 'em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And...

Always look on the bright side of life.
Always look on the right side of life.
[whistle]

Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
[whistle]
Always look on the bright side of life!
………

Lando's stroke of luck is beer

Do not read this unless you know Star Wars!

It appears that Billy Dee Williams, who played the character of Lando Calrissian in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, makes commercials for a living — for shooting a film doesn't make him earn a lot of money, apparently… So let's first watch this add first, and then a joke made about it:



And here's the joke:

I'm fed up!

We have a lot of work. Too much work. I thought I would be able to study for my English Proficiency test, but something else came up: I had to write the summary of an article about linguistic landscapes for the Algemene taalwetenschap course… And as it was written in English, I had to translate it into Dutch… Nice! Thank you so much! So there it is:

Samenvatting:
“Linguistic Landscape and Minority Languages”

Auteurs: J. CENOZ & Durk GORTER

1. Inleiding

Meertaligheid kan geanalyseerd worden vanuit het perspectief van het taallandschap (alle talige elementen die men op straat kan vinden, en die een informatieve of symbolische functie hebben). Dit artikel gaat over het verband tussen taallandschap en de sociolinguïstische context. Dit is een vergelijking tussen het gebruik van verschillende talen in het taallandschap van een winkelstraat in Donostia (San Sebastian, in Baskenland) en dat van zo’n straat in Ljouwert-Leeuwarden (Friesland, in Nederland).

2. Achtergrond over de taalgroepen

1. Friesland:

Ongeveer 94% van de bevolking begrijpt het Fries, 74% kan het spreken, 65% kunnen het lezen en 17% kunnen het lezen. De neiging is dat jongeren steeds meer het Nederlands als moedertaal verwerven. Het gebruik van het Fries (officiële taal) is beperkt tot de familie, het werk en de dorpen, maar het werd minder gebruikt in formele contexten (media, wetten…).

2. Baskenland:

Dit gebied ten noorden van Spanje heeft een bevolking van drie miljoen mensen, waaronder 91% zijn Spanjaarden. 22% zijn tweetalig, de rest spreekt alleen Frans of Spaans. In de bestudeerde stad (Donostia) zijn er meer tweetalige mensen: 33%. Het Baskisch is een officiële taal en wordt gepromoot in scholen, maar toch gebruiken slechts 11,9% van de bevolking het Baskisch meer dan het Spaans.

3. Gebruik van het Engels in beide taalgebieden:

Er worden lessen Engels gegeven in scholen. In Friesland scoort de kennis van het Engels zeer hoog: 70%. Integendeel is die kennis minder goed in Baskenland.

3. Onderzoeksvragen

1. Wat is het relatief gebruik van de verschillende talen in…

– Baskenland (Baskisch, Spaans en Engels)?
– Friesland (Fries, Nederlands en Engels)?

2. Hoe zien de twee- en meertalige tekens eruit?

4. Methodologie

– Studie van de corpus van het taallandschap in slechts een straat in Baskenland en een straat in Friesland; elke is 600 meter lang. In totaal werden 975 foto’s genomen, maar 207 verschillende eenheden werden genomen, 104 in Donostia (Baskenland) en 103 in Ljouwert (Friesland).
– De codificatie van de foto’s was moeilijk, dus werd er beslist om een gebouw als “één eenheid van analyse” te nemen. De auteurs namen ook foto’s van piepkleine teksten. Willekeurigheid speelt toch een kleine rol in de codering, maar dit is niet opmerkelijk.
– 16 variabelen werden gebruikt, bv. het soort teken, (het aantal) talen op het teken, top-down tekens vs. bottom-up tekens, enz.
– Beide straten zijn commerciële straten waar de meeste winkels zijn klein (73% in Ljouwert; 78% in Donostia) en dus behoren niet tot een internationale winkelketen.
– Een categorie houdt rekening met graffiti en (niet-)commerciële posters.

5. Resultaten

1. Welke zijn de gebruikte talen?

a) Aantal talen

– Ljouwert: 64% eentalige tekens, 36% tweetalig en 8% drie of meer
– Donostia: 45% eentalige tekens, 37% tweetalig en 19% drie of meer → minder scherpe verschillen

b) Soort talen
In beide taalgebieden is er een niet-dominante taal (Baskisch of Fries) en een dominante taal (Spaans of Nederlands) en het Engels als internationale taal.

– Niet-dominante taal:

• Fries: slechts 3% op z’n eentje, 2% op Fries-Nederlandse tekens en geen op meertalige tekens → Het is een bewijs van de kleine plaats van de geschreven taal in de maatschappij, want het Fries is meestal een gesproken taal.
• Baskisch: 12% eentalig, 50% tweetalig (alle combinaties van het Fries met een/twee andere taal/talen → Het Baskisch is wel minder gesproken, maar belangrijker als geschreven taal.

⇒ Grote verschillen tussen de twee steden

– Dominante taal:

• Nederlands: aanwezig op 97% van de tekens, waarvan 53% eentalig → Nederlands is de dominante taal in de taallandschap van Ljouwert
• Spaans: meest courante taal in Donostia (82% van alle tekens, waarvan 36% eentalige tekens)

⇒ Kleinere verschillen

– Engels: klein percentage voor eentalige tekens, maar meer in combinatie met andere talen (37% in Ljouwert en 28% in Donostia).

Conclusie: Nederlands en Spaans zijn de dominante talen en dit is weerspiegeld door het taallandschap. Baskisch is een minderheidstaal, maar is toch redelijk aanwezig; dit is niet het geval van het Fries. Engels is belangrijker dan andere vreemde talen.

2. Wat zijn de eigenschappen van twee- en meertalige tekens?
a) Eerste taal op het teken

– Ljouwert: meestal Nederlands (77%), dan Engels (20%), dan Fries (2%)
– Donostia: meestal Spaans (67%), dan Baskisch (28%), dan Engels (5%)
→ Groot verschil qua de niet-dominante taal en het Engels

b) Grootte van de tekst van de taal

– Ljouwert: in de meeste gevallen (47%) is de dominante taal groter geschreven ⇔ 3% voor het Fries
– Donostia: in 58% van de helft van de gevallen is het Spaans groter geschreven, maar toch 14% voor het Baskisch

c) Lettertype

– Ljouwert: de meeste tekens (94%) dragen verschillende lettertypes
– Donostia: tamelijk gewoon (22%) om dezelfde lettertype te gebruiken

d) Kwantiteit van informatie

– Ljouwert: meer informatie in het Nederlands (72%), weinig complete herhalingen (6%)
– Donostia: meer complete herhalingen (15%)

e) Vertalingen

– Ljouwert: meestal weinig vertalingen (89%) en wat ambiguïteit (11%: het Fries lijkt op het Nederlands), wegens een “hetzij-hetzij”-beleid (de teksten verschijnen of in het Nederlands of in het Fries), maar als niet alle mensen het Fries kunnen lezen, de meeste documenten zijn in het Nederlands geschreven.
– Donostia: meer vertalingen (66%) wegens het beleid van de toegankelijkheid van alle documenten in beide talen.

6. Conclusie

– Orde van dominantie van de talen in het taallandschap:

• Ljouwert: Nederlands – Engels – Fries
• Donostia: Spaans – Baskisch – Engels

– Overeenkomsten tussen de twee steden:

• Dominante taal is meer aanwezig qua lettertypegrootte
• Dominante taal komt als eerste op meertalige tekens
• Dominante taal geeft meer informatie

– Verschillen tussen de twee steden:

• Gebruik van de niet-dominante taal op tekens (meer in het Baskisch wegens taalbeschermingsbeleid)
• Vertalingen meestal in Donostia, heel weinig in Ljouwert
• Meer in het Baskisch geschreven tekens dan in het Fries
→ Bewijs van het verschil tussen de taalbeleiden en het werkelijke effect daarvan in Baskenland.

– Spreiding van het Engels:

• Engels als communicatietaal en als prestigieuze en moderne taal
• Gebruik van Engels is prominenter in Ljouwert dan in Donostia, maar daar is het toch niet marginaal (28%)
→ Misschien toont het dat het Frans geleidelijk vervangen door het Engels is in zuidelijke steden.

– Taallandschap heet een informatieve en symbolische functie:

• Informatief: het weerspiegelt de relatieve macht van de verschillende landen
• Symbolisch: het gebruik van een taal om het identiteitsgevoel te benadrukken.

Quite boring, don't you think?

300

This entry is the 300th I wrote for this blog. That's quite a number, don't you think. It obviously make me think of the movie, 300, which I haven't seen yet. Perhaps in another life. Meanwhile, we can enjoy thatguywiththeglasses' parody in 5 seconds:



And this one (which I've perhaps already displayed before):



Here are two videos I found a month ago but I was keeping just for the sake of this 300th blog entry. The first one is a video about the Top 100 quotes in the (English-speaking) movie history.



However, I'm surprised that "I am your father" wasn't in this Top 100…

The second is a marvellous montage of bits of films where a character says a number; here we have the complete count from 100 to 1.



I told you it was brilliant! Thumbs up!

"When this baby hits 88 miles an hour, you're gonna see some serious shit!"

"One Ring to rule them all. One Ring to find them. One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them."
[By the way, here's the original version (in the so-called Black Speech of Mordor) of that quote in the book: "Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul." I think it just sounds great.]

Trip to Bonn

Today we (first-year students studying German and second-year students studying German as an additional language) went on a one-day trip to Bonn, in Germany.

I had to wake up at 5.50 am to have breakfast and then go to Namur on my moped, and meanwhile filling the fuel tank. We all had to be there at 7.20 pm, and we left round 7.35. We were using a coach, for taking the train would have been less useful. Our group sat at the back, just because it's kind of cooler.

We chatted a little, then we listened to music while working on Konnex, our beloved Dutch vocabulary book… (Do you see what it means: we cannot even fully enjoy such a school trip!! Always something to do! I hate it!)

On the way, we drove by our (Anne-Sophie, Marie and me) homeland, le pays de Herve and several kilometres further we entered Germany. We arrived in Bonn at about 10.15.

Then we walked to Der Haus der Geschichte (House of History), a huge museum that brings you back to 1945 and shows you the evolution of the German society from then onwards. There were many historical documents and pictures, but also very collectible items, such as Kennedy's speech in Berlin in which he said "Ich bin ein Berliner", originally written "Ish been ein Bear-lee-ner" on his notes…

After that, the coach took us closer to the city centre, and we had about an hour to get some food and discover the city on ourselves. Some of us went directly to our meeting point (the Münster, a cathedral) and we bought sausages on the Christmas market (Weihnachtsmarkt): that was delicious!

Round 2 pm we started a short sightseeing of the city centre, with a local French teacher as guide. She took this picture of our group in front of the statue of Beethoven.


And precisely we walked to that house where he was born.


We also went to the Town Hall, an impressive building. Unfortunately, we couldn't visit it because a ceremony was taking place.


Then we had another hour to spend on ourselves in Bonn. We went once more on the Christmas market, buying several things. We also went to a T-Mobile shop, for there were actual brand-new iPhones to be seen!!! A girl was appointed to answer all questions from customers, so I started mumbling some words to say that we were from Belgium and that it was the first time that we got to see the iPhone. But apparently my German was terrible and she said we could speak English. So that's what we did. She showed us all the abilities of that brilliant smart phone. It's a shame that it's not yet available in Belgium… (Of course, it doesn't mean I would buy it: I hardly ever use my mobile, and it's rather expensive.)

A bit later we walked back to the couch and we left Bonn round 4.30. We were planning to study the rest of Konnex on the way back, but M. Bertrand (our teacher) came and sat with us and talked with us about the real German saunas, nudity and about many other things…

We arrived in Namur at 7.15 pm. We were all exhausted, but this day had been great fun for all of us!

Martine's a naughty girl!

My mother sent me these twisted covers of Martine books. Actually, a website allowed you to do so by displaying the original covers, and you could change the title very simply. But the publishing house, Casterman, didn't really liked that and asked the webmasters to close their website. It was good advertisement, though!

"Martine is a Jehovah's witness"

"Martine discovers Playboy"

"Martine thinks of commiting suicide"

"Martine buys a freezer"

(I hope you got the visual joke)

"Martine and Condoleeza invade Iraq"

"Martine's gonna do it with Jean-Claude Dus"

"Fuck! I forgot to take the pill!"

"Martine doesn't master the YMCA yet"

Manny's great deeds

Remember I told you once about that wonderful series called Black Books, starring Bill Bailey? I found a really good fragment from season 1. In this one, Manny is stuck in the book shop…



And this one when he finds out he can play the piano…



I can play!!

The Netherlands finally discover vanity plates…

As I have a weird interest in number plates, I often visit a Dutch website (nummerplaat.com) in order to keep an eye on the codes that are being given out by the RDW (Rijksdienst Wegverkeer).

By the way, they started the 11-ZX-XX series on Wednesday or Thursday.This means that the code consists of two digits — except for "00" – followed by Z and another letter, followed by another set of two letters. And as I'm sure you don't give a damn about it, let me just waste a few words to add that the letters A, C, E, I, M, O, Q, U and W are not used.

My point was just to show you this piece of news that I found on that very website:

DEN HAAG - Automobilisten moeten kunnen kiezen voor een kentekenplaat met een eigen tekst. VVD-Tweede Kamerlid Paul de Krom gaat dat bij de behandeling van de begroting van Verkeer en Waterstaat voorstellen aan minister Camiel Eurlings.

De Krom heeft dat maandag gezegd in het NOS Journaal. Hij kwam op het idee tijdens een bezoek aan de Verenigde Staten, waar automoblisten al langer een eigen tekst mogen voeren op hun nummerbord, bijvoorbeeld hun naam. Dat komt omdat de kentekenplaat daar aan de persoon is gekoppeld en niet aan het voertuig, zoals in ons land.

Het lijkt de De Krom gewoon een leuk idee om met een eigen tekst op de nummerplaat rond te rijden in een tijd waarin we "bijna niks meer mogen van het kabinet".

It basically means that Paul de Krom discovered vanity plates. Come on! You see them everywhere in American movies! Isn't one of the most famous examples the OUTATIME plate on the DeLorean time machine in Back to the Future? Or we can assume that he discovered how much money could be raised from such vanity plates…

At least, this gives me the opportunity to show you some my collection of Belgian vanity plates, started in July.

I saw this Ferrari in Middelkerke, just on the parking lot near the Casino. It is the only Belgian vanity plate I saw that has three times zero on it. (Normally, "000" is forbidden, except on plates that have the "111.X.1" type or the "1.X.111" type. But three times the letter "O" is accepted on vanity oldtimer plates: I once saw OOO-911.) Let me just add that this number plate cost its owner €874.

I saw this one in Brussels on 21 July. It was on a limo waiting for some VIP next to the Cathedral. It cost €624.

Talking of VIPs, there are two of a series owned by a limo-renting company. (See above and below.) Each of them cost €624.

I guess this one belongs to a French-speaking person named Dominique, for "dom" means "idiot" in Dutch… Or perhaps he/she works for Domo. (Cost: €624.)

A very low serial number, but too new to be an original from 1953 or even a duplicate. This one was seen close to the Flemish Parliament. (Cost: €874.)

This one also cost €874.

Idem.

I saw this one on a brand-new Audi R8 kind of prototype driven by a journalist who had borrowed from the Audi Company, hence the plate. This one was made in 1999. By the way, Audi owns a number of AUD plates, ranging from AUD-100 to AUD-125.