Christmas Week: "Muppet Christmas Carol" (2)

I know I've already told you about my liking of The Muppet Christmas Carol; today I'd like to show you two of the songs but this time in French.

Ebenezer Scrooge (Michael Caine)'s introduction:

Jacob and Robert Marley (Statler and Waldorf)'s song:

Note that Michael Caine is dubbed by Bernard Dhéran.


"Ça sent bon Noël" / "It feels like Christmas" (sung by Richard Darbois)

You're Only Second Rate

When I was younger, I used to watch Disney movies all the time. Among those, The Return of Jafar, sequel of Aladdin. My point here was to show you one of my favourite songs, Tu n'es qu'un amateur, but first it would be better to watch the original version, sung by Jonathan Freeman, voice of Jafar:



Lyrics:

I must admit, your parlor tricks are amusing
I bet you've got a bunny under your hat
Now here's your chance to get the best of me
Hope your hand is hot
C'mon, clown, let's see what you've got
You try to slam me with your hardest stuff
But your double whammy isn't up to snuff
I'll set the record straight
You're simply out of date
You're only second rate!

You think your cat's a meanie, but your tiger's tame
You've got a lot to learn about the genie game
So for your education I'll reiterate
You're only second rate!

Men cower at the power in my pinky
My thumb is number one on every list
But if you're not convinced that I'm invincible
Put me to the test
I'd love to lay this rivalry to rest

Go ahead and zap me with the big surprise
Snap me in a trap, cut me down to size
I'll make a great escape
It's just a piece of cake
You're only second rate!
You know, your hocus-pocus isn't tough enough
And your mumbo-jumbo doesn't measure up
Let me pontificate upon your sorry state
You're only second rate!

Zaba-caba-dabra!
Granny's gonna grab ya!
Alakazam-da-mus
And this thing's bigger than the both of us
So spare me your tremendous scare
You look horrendous in your underwear
And I can hardly wait to discombobulate
I'll send ya back and packing in a shipping crate
You'd make a better living with a spinning plate
You're only second rate!

And now, here's the French version, Tu n'es qu'un amateur. The Genie's French voice is performed by the famous Richard Darbois, and Féodor Atkine (incidentally, he dubs Hugh Laurie in the series House, MD) dubs Jafar:



Lyrics:

Je dois admettre que tes p'tits tours sont amusants
J' parie qu'il y a un lapin sous ton chapeau
Mais aujourd'hui, ton mauvais numéro,
Je le vois perdant
Vas-y clown, montre-moi tes cartes.

Tu voudrais me faire retourner en enfer
Mais ta guerre éclair, je la réverbère.
Ta folie des grandeurs
N'est pas à la hauteur,
Tu n'es qu'un amateur.

Tu t' prends pour un tigre
Mais je t'amadoue.
Par les mathématigres,
Je matte les matous.
Ta folie des grandeurs
N'est pas à la hauteur,
Tu n'es qu'un amateur.

Quel effroi, quand je lève le petit doigt,
Quelle frousse que j' vous écrase tous d'un coup de pouce,
Si tu es convaincu
De rester invaincu,
Faut en faire ton deuil,
Notre duel continue jusqu'au cercueil.

Étonne-moi !
Branche-moi !
Électrocute-moi !
Au fond d'un tonneau
Percé de couteaux,
Je sauverai ma peau.
Ça n' sera pas du gâteau
Mais je l' ferai, mon poteau.

Tes p'tits tours de passe-passe
Sont pas très efficaces.
Tu n'es qu'un orgueilleux
Qui se prend pour un dieu
Ta folie des grandeurs
N'est pas à la hauteur,
Tu n'es qu'un amateur.

Zabacabadabra
Grand-mère t'attrapera
Et Abracadabra,
J' suis plus grand que l'Himalaya

Tu peux donc trembler devant moi
Sans perdre le bas de ton pyjama
Et si dans la panique,
Tu casses ta mécanique,
Ne me dis pas sans cesse,
Quand tu passes à la caisse :
"J'ai perdu, çà m'inquiète !",
"J' comprends pas, çà m'embête !",
"J' suis pas dans mon assiette !"

Such a song translation must be particularly difficult, because you have to take into account not only the usual features (prosody, rhymes, wordplays), but also the shots themselves, e.g. when you have "It's just a piece of cake", you see the cake, and in French it's rendered as "Ce n's'ra pas du gâteau".

When Harrison meets Sean

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is scheduled for release on 22 May (and since that day I will probably have an exam, I won't be able to go and see it at the cinema! Grr!) and millions of fans (amongst whom your humble servant) are eagerly looking forward to it. No official trailer has yet been released, but I think it will soon. One thing is for sure, Sir Sean Connery won't appear in the movie:

Sean Connery turned down making a cameo appearance as Henry Jones, Sr., finding retirement too enjoyable.^[1] Lucas stated that in hindsight it was good that Connery did not briefly appear, as it would disappoint the audience when his character would not come along for the film's adventure.^[2]

But who can tell whether the producers actually attempted everything to get Sean Connery back, for instance (say) with Harrison Ford visiting him in his castle in Scotland:



"This was a priceless vase from the Ming dynasty. A gift from my wife too…"
"We put everything on hold to find you."
"It must have cost millions!"
"You're worth it, though, Sean."
"I don't believe my eyes: it's from Wal-Mart! You can tell from the inscription here: Wal-Mart!"
"No! I could have get you a refund!"

[…]

"Goldfinger! A remake! It was always my favourite one… Pussy galore, here I come…"
"Of course, you will have to look out your wig again."
"It's a small price to pay for this role…"
"And there will be stunt doubles for the sex scenes."
"Stunt double!"
"Well, we can't take any chance with you what with your age and such."
"I'll manage fine myself!"
"Really!"
"I've never had any problems in that department and I'm not gonna now…"
"Whatever."

[…]
"You're too old!"
"Too old? I had an Aston Martin with ejector seats!"
"Yeah, and now you have a bus pass!"
"Watch it! I'm not too old to kick your ass!"

This idea of writing subtitles on a foreign version is brilliant! Of course, it works better if you don't know the language at all, because if it were in French, we'd have to turn the volume off.

And an alternate ending for the third film:



And because I love the French version, here's one of my favourite scenes, namely that of the plane escaping the Germans:



— Qu'est-ce qui se passe à 11 heures ???

(…)

— Il me semble que ces gens essaient de nous tuer !
— Je sais, père !
— C'est une nouvelle expérience pour moi !
— Moi, ça m'arrive tout le temps.

(…)
— Mais c'est intolérable !

Dubbing voices:
– Harrison Ford: Richard Darbois
– Sean Connery: Jean-Claude Michel